General Question

lillycoyote's avatar

Are you currently caring for an elderly parent or other relative?

Asked by lillycoyote (24422 points ) May 20th, 2009

My parents are both deceased. My mother died sort of suddenly, but my father needed a fair amount of looking after before he died. Just wondering how many people are dealing with this and how well you are coping.

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14 Answers

RedPowerLady's avatar

I am not right now. But I watched my grandmother care for her father in-law for years. And I saw how difficult it was for her.

And a friend of mine who is married into a may-September type of marriage is now taking care of her husband and I see how hard it is for her.

How are you coping? Have you considered getting some help from Senior and Disabled Services or if you have enough money a paid caregiver?

lillycoyote's avatar

@RedPowerLady Thanks so much for asking, but my task is over as my father died a little over two years ago. He was 82 and was just getting frail and quite fuzzy around the edges and needed a fair amount minding rather than intense care. But it’s something that’s always on my mind and more lately because the mother of a very good friend of mine just died and he was her primary care giver after she had her stroke. It’s just one of those things that people don’t talk a lot about, it seems. Something that goes on in the background of a lot of people’s lives and I always wonder how people cope and are managing, having been through it.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

Kinda sorta. My mother isn’t elderly or invalid yet but her health was getting out of hand and she was messing up financially so she’s all mine for a few years until I can get her secured and hopefully reduced a few pounds.

lillycoyote's avatar

@hungryhungryhortence That’s still care taking. I think sometimes trouble paying the bills is one of the first things you have to help your parents with when they start to “fade” a little and it always seems strange, a little bit of role reversal.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

@lillycoyote: The whole situation is really frustrating sometimes that she won’t take better care of her health which makes her depressed which makes her obsess on spending and decorating, cooking, etc. I cope by telling myself I just might be able to help a bit, at the very least secure her financially in a few years to the point I can go off on my own again and live with little guilt for my transient lifestyle. Wanderlust.

lillycoyote's avatar

@hungryhungryhortence They will try your patience, it’s hard not to get frustrated. My dad really just gave up at the end. He was basically dead set on starving himself to death. I told him that wasn’t going to happen on my watch but it was very complicated and difficult and in the end you can’t tie them up and make them do what you want. You love them and you want them to want these things for themselves. It’s very difficult to balance your love and duty to your parents with your own needs and wants. I don’t have any good answers. It’s just hard.

Clair's avatar

Funny you should ask… Mwahaha. I am rooming with my grandma. But this shouldnt qualify in any way. My grandma is wild as a buck. She partys, drinks more than me, we got piercings and tattoos together and her favorite word is “fuuuck” lol.

Darwin's avatar

I am taking care of my husband, who is older than I and disabled. He apparently has periodic small strokes and I suspect he has had another one because all of a sudden he is having some mild problems with aphasia. I get frustrated sometimes because he could do more than he does, and would feel better if he were to try to keep some muscles functioning, but in the end it is his body, his life, and his choice.

My parents are both in their 80s and right now are living in a managed care facility. My dad is currently doing a lot of the care for my mother, and he has asked that if one of them dies before the other that I move the remaining parent to my town so I can take care of them. He assumes that he will die first but that may not be the case.

It is hard, but so is parenting, especially parenting teenagers, which I am also doing.

buster's avatar

I take turns taking care of my Papa with Alzheimers. Its sad what my family goes thru with him daily. He taught me to ride a bike and play baseball, He cared me me when my parents worked as a child. Im crying now writing this. I love him. It breaks my heart. I know he don’t want to be alive like this. Its sad but I wish he would die.

erichw1504's avatar

No, I am not and hopefully never have to (not that I wouldn’t mind too much if I had to). Although it’s bound to happen at some point.

Val123's avatar

Too tired to even post…

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