If a guy is in love with you, does he still want to look at other girls or go to strip clubs?

No. wait, what?

I can’t quite understand the question.

Lol, ignore the last sentence

You’re wondering if a guy can be in love with you but still want to go to a strip club or be around beautiful women, right?

In my experience, yes. And it’s totally healthy as long as there are respected boundaries you set together.

i just cant agree with that, im sorry! but i also do not agree with strip clubs.

@cupcake89 just as long as he’s not getting the “extra package” in the Champagne Room, he’s probably just looking.

well my guy doesnt go. But, i know sound off the wall, but i dont even think looking is appropriate, especially if youre marred. and especially not at strip clubs. i dont think a guy should want to if he is in love.

but all my views are Christian based.

@cupcake89 Being in love with person A doesn’t mean you can’t find person B, C, D, and E very attractive.

The key is to find someone who shares your feelings about these things.

Nothing wrong with looking at other girls (or boys) then the one you are in a relationship with.
Isn’t there a phrase that goes something like this: “You can get an appetite outside, as long as you come home for dinner”?

Are you asking us or telling us?

No offense, but your views on relationships seem a bit juvenile…simply being in a relationship with someone does not mean that you own them. It does not mean that one cannot look at, speak or interact with, or be friends with the opposite sex. Looking is not cheating. Looking is not unnatural. If anything, not looking is unnatural. There are boundaries of course, which must be decided upon by the couple, but demanding that your significant other not even look at someone of the opposite sex who is attractive…that’s going a bit far.

I hope your guy is clear that if he even looks at a hot woman, you’re going to be on his case so hard, he won’t see nothin’ but the inside of the doghouse for a year! If not, it is your Christian duty to warn him. Ok?

Yeah, i hear your hormones simply stop working and you never find anyone attractive after you marry, even your spouse. you sleep in separate beds, and you wear frumpy clothes, so as not to awaken the mighty “Kong” inside you.~

i dont think what im saying is being taken the way i meant for it to. Looking is fine, and yes it is natural. I do think drooling is wrong and i do think strip clubs are wrong. Im not the only person in the world who thinks that.

@cupcake89 And that’s fine. Just make sure your guy knows this and is prepared to never go to a strip club. And what is a strip club, if not advanced looking?

What is your actual question?

@cupcake89 What does this: “i know sound off the wall, but i dont even think looking is appropriate” mean then? Strip clubs? Because in your question you asked about strip clubs AND “glancing at a hott girl”...I think that pretty much says that you are against them simply looking in addition to being against strip clubs.

when i said that, i was referring to “drooling.” i didnt ask to get attacked.

@cupcake89 You’re not being attacked. You’re being asked for clarification because your words are unclear and contradictory.

@cupcake89 – so your saying that it’s understandable that he find other women attractive. But to go seeking out participatory activities such as strip clubs where that is the chosen focus is not ok with you. Do I understand you correctly?

I think that the others are just saying that you should make sure he understands this to.

thats exactly what I am saying.

the guy shouldnt want to seek out these things to do.

I wonder about any guy wanting to go to a strip club, not because I find them ‘wrong’ but because the conditions both sexist and economic for them to be in place should be examined by any person I am to date and they’d probably decide they wouldn’t want to support that culture…

This is my point..i think. Take a healthy married couple for example. Most of the married women I know want their husbands attention and are so in love with them. They cook, clean, take care of their man and always try their best too look as sexiest as possible for them. Well, for the men go out to strip clubs with the guys, i do not agree. Because the woman they married is trying her hardest to please him and really she should be the sexy in his eyes, but he goes out to look at other women. He should be satisfied with what he has.

I have never wanted to go because I have WAY better things to do with my money.

and also, my guy tells me all the time about his love for me and about us getting married. and how I am the one for him. My problem is that im not confident enough and too self conscious.

“They cook, clean, take care of their man and always try their best too look as sexiest as possible for them.”
Gonna copy that and mail it to rebbelsgirlfriend@learningtobearealgoodwife.gr

@rebbel yeah and send it to you too because you better be doing the same thing for her

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I already put the trash-cans outside.

@rebbel that’s what makes you look sexist? wow

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Sexist? Yes. Sexiest? No. ;-)

@rebbel see what I did there? you did :)

are any of you from the South?

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Is that reverse psychology-ish?
I fell for it, anyway.

“Most of the married women I know want their husbands attention and are so in love with them.”

My guy is so in love with me, and I am so in love with him. We give each other tons of attention, sexual and otherwise. I am the person he finds most enjoyable to be around, and the person he wants to build a life with.

On occasion, he likes to look at other women’s bits either in a magazine, on TV, or in person at a club. What do I care? They’re not giving him anything I don’t, and he’s giving them nothing compared to what he gives me on a day-to-day basis.

You don’t want your man going to strip clubs. Find a man who doesn’t want to go to one. I really don’t see the problem (other than my personal view that you might be setting yourself up for heartbreak and jealousy).

I lived in SC for 7 years.

@cupcake89 – No one can truly control anyone but themselves. You can’t stop people from looking at other attractive people. Married people aren’t dead; they’re going to notice other physically attractive people. That doesn’t mean that a man will automatically sleep with every woman he finds physically attractive who crosses his path.

To believe that men are creatures with low impulse control who are constantly looking to find a way to sex every gal that moves is a self-defeating and immature way to think. It shows that you don’t trust him to control himself and, as you say, it shows a lack of confidence in your own attractiveness. That attitude will drive anyone away, regardless of actual looks. Lack of self-confidence is not sexy.

Better to buck up like an adult (I’m assuming you are over 18), learn to own confidence in yourself and what you have to offer your man, trust that he’s being truthful when he says he loves you and stop worrying about women dancing at strip clubs. Your confidence has nothing to do with your fiancee or the women at strip clubs. Worrying about men and strip clubs are red herrings that hide issues you have about yourself. Do you see what I’m saying?

I don’t know how you’re going to get that confidence, but believe me, you’ll need it in many situations, not just with men. Please figure out a way to know deep in your soul that you are incomparable, because you are, and when you know that like you know the sky is blue? You won’t worry about what any man is doing. Or anyone else, either.

I’m sure you’re an attractive young lady. Life is short. Looks and youth are fleeting. Don’t allow worry to rob you of love and good, healthy years with your fella.

Wow, thank you

you are right, and yes i do understand.

It depends on the boundaries of the relationship. I know of some couples who let each other go to those types of clubs, and find it’s good for the relationship. I also know other couples where the subject never comes up.

@rebbel nope, just your good old double entendre, kind of

Yes, a man can be in love with you and still go to strip clubs. Stranger things have happened.

I guess he can, but that is not someone I think I would want to be with. I have no problem with him looking, but I think seeking out an opportunity specifically to ogle other women – and pay her for the privilege – is disrespectful to me.

@Likeradar and Aprilsimnel, Great answers!

On a side note: Is there any way of following a specific question without crafting a response?

Let me echo what @aprilsimnel said. I would point you to something you said about yourself:

”My problem is that im not confident enough and too self conscious.”

Pay attention to your own words. That’s what this is all about. You seem to have some insecurities about your body. What might be going on behind that is that for you to feel secure, you can’t have your husband ever see someone more beautiful or sexy than you are.

If you don’t believe your fiance when he tells you he loves you the way you are and that you are the one for him, there’s a problem. Why don’t you trust his word? If you think that the only thing you have going for you is sexiness and a willingness to baby your man, then there’s a problem. Why do you think that’s all that a man wants? Why do you think that’s the only thing of value you have to offer a man?

Men can like sexy women and can even go to strip clubs with the guys, and not be going out to make up for something lacking in their wives. Going to strip clubs is not something I’m comfortable with, either, and I’m a guy. However, for many men, it’s a kind of bonding experience. A chance to let their hair down, and be raunchy and dirty, and I guess it’s safe. It’s expected. It’s not like we have to do this, but some guys do it in order to prove their manliness to each other. It’s part of the culture in some places with certain socioeconomic backgrounds.

But the issue is really you and your feelings of insecurity. You may come from a culture where women are not valued for anything but sex and taking care of their men. If so, you can choose to remain there and play that game, or you can try to get out and live in a place where women are valued for more than their bodies and willingness to serve men.

I’m not sure where you’re from, or what kind of Christian you are, but some churches really use the Bible to urge women to believe their place is behind a man, serving the man, in bed and out. If you come from a place and a religion like that, it will probably be very difficult for you to see things in another way. I hope that’s not the case.

If your insecurity is from you, and not because of pressure from your culture and your religion, then you can do something about it. The first thing to do is to get as much education as you can. Education is the most important factor in determining family income. The more education you have, the better off you will be, and the better you will feel about yourself.

Another thing you can do is get some counseling or psychological therapy. If you find the right counselor, they can really help you understand yourself and your history, and learn to feel better about yourself. If you do come from a religion like the one I described above, you should be aware that if you go to your church elders for counseling, they will urge you to see your place as serving your man, and this probably won’t make you feel better about yourself.

Education gives you options. You can earn your own living, if you want, or if it becomes necessary. It allows you to be a better parent to your children. It helps you be a better wife to your husband. It helps you provide more persuasive reasons to follow the course you think is best. It helps you feel better about yourself, because you learn that your mind is just as important, or even more important than your looks or your sexiness.

@Rachienz There’s a link at the bottom of the question box, right across from where the question “topics” are, that says “Follow this Question”. Click on that and you can follow it without writing a response.

I think theres a difference between looking at a hot girl and looking at a naked hot girl. I’m not for strip clubs and im not insecure, I trust him and I love him and we have a great relationship, but going to strip clubs is just wrong. And its dirty and over priced.

So many men have become a bit insensitized with the plethora of available porn available that they see strip clubs as pretty PG. While this may have been his standard routine for entertainment, he’s got you now, a living breathing woman who is capable of being naked for him. Sure he may not get up to no good in the strip clubs but he’s got to make the choice to go there knowing it disturbs you. It’s not about whether or not the strip club is bad or whatever, it’s about how you feel and he feels and what choice the two of you will make that will leave you both the most secure and pleased with each other. Plenty of people argue to be “right” and it doesn’t get them anywhere but not laid and single.

ever hear of a bachelor party? where do you think they usually end up?

@ABoyNamedBoobs03 not all people have those parties

@ABoyNamedBoobs03 a holding cell?

@Simone_De_Beauvoir did I say that?

I agree with @daloon. My husband told me it was more of a social thing. If the guy is going out to do it along, that is weird.

The couple times my husband did it was with friends for a ‘guys night’ or to celebrate a guy coming home from basic training I think. I’ve asked to go with him, but by the time I turned 18, we were both on our own enough that we didn’t have money to just throw away at those places. Now, neither of us have an interest.

@ABoyNamedBoobs03 no, I was just talking to you

@cupcake89 How old are you? Because, honestly, the way you’re talking and with your notions about relationships and how they work, you sound like any guy dating you wouldn’t be old enough to go to a strip club any way.

FYI, I’m from the South, but I don’t see what that has to do with anything.