Why do people send mixed signals?

I think some people want to push the envelope and see how much they can get from people before the limit is found.

Because they’re mixed up?

Some people just like to play mind games with others.

Because we’re very rarely of one mind. I think that I tend to suffer more than others because my heart and my mind are always at war with each other. It can get extremely irritating. Not just to others but to me as well.

because people are people

I agree with @Ansible1, people are people and we are confused. For whatever reason many of us are completely incapable of expressing how we really feel.

@veronasgirl Or even knowing how we really feel, sometimes.

Thank you all for clearing that up. I had thought that everyone is fucking with me because I’m stupid.

Feelings are feelings, words are words. Much of the time words are insufficient.

Because we are always looking for an angle.

We’re curious.

I think a lot of the time, people don’t know what they want, and therefore give mixed signals. I don’t think a majority of people do it to mess with someone’s head. I think they don’t even realize they’re doing it.

Because they’re people!

They’re no more perfect than you are.
It’s just as often a user error.

They don’t send signals of any quality per se. It’s only about how you interpret their signals. So if you examine your assumptions, expectations, perspective you will take the signals for what they are, without any judgement.

I think a lot of people just don’t realize they’re sending mixed signals when they do. It’s important to communicate exactly how someone makes you feel when they act a certain way or they’ll never change their unwitting wicked ways!

Because communication is one of the most difficult things to pull off. How can we know if we’re interpreting the signals as we were meant to interpret them? Words. Hell. Any symbol. Pretty dicey. We don’t even know if our eyes work the same, or ears, or minds.

Given all that, it’s amazing we can believe we do communicate at all. We’re probably deluded about that, but heck, it’s a fun delusion. Makes us feel less lonely to believe we are talking to someone else, instead of imagining it all in our own minds.

And yet, it seems to me, that most of what we do believe is communication is really fantasy we make up. I don’t think people send mixed signals. I think we are totally mixed up in how we think about the signals our senses send us. I think it’s amazing we do as well as we do. If we are doing well at all. I don’t know. It’s all pretty funny when you think about it.

I think we are fond of this delusion that we can understand our world, or understand other people. We take it so seriously. It matters so much! But that’s just because we decide it matters. I don’t know how to explain it, really. Most of what we think other people are saying or not saying is made up in our own minds. We rarely stop to do any error checking to make sure the signals we get are meant as we think they are meant. We just go rushing off down the highway, pursuing the chimera in our brains, absolutely convinced we know exactly what’s going on.

I think it’s a joke. Not a joke I understand. But what the hell. It’s better to laugh than to cry. Or maybe not. Crying is deep, too. It’s important. Or rather, it makes things feel important.

So you think people send mixed signals? I think there’s hardly anything else possible.

@daloon I’m gonna have to agree to disagree on this one. I think it is entirely possible to understand communication and signals that people send. While it may be much easier for some to untangle and interpret hazy messages, it is certainly possible for most with a little practice. Understanding our world and understanding the people in our lives are two very different things. Our lives are a very small piece of the puzzle in this universe, and I think understanding ourselves and the people around us comes before understanding our place in time. Certainly it is possible and evident in the way people work together towards common goals for the advancement of themselves or a whole group. Yes, at times it is unimaginably difficult, but, imo, it is never impossible.

@SmellyBoy Our difference on this may be a matter of degree. Then again, we may not really disagree at all. But of course, I can’t really know what you have in mind, can I? Unless we talk and talk and talk some more. I am making an educated guess that you trust your intuitions and your model of behavior more than I trust mine, but how can we know for sure?

As a caveat, let me say that when you said “communication… is never impossible,” I am guessing that you were exaggerating my comments for rhetorical purposes. Either than, or you were reading more into what I wrote than I meant. I never said it was impossible. Merely fraught with difficulties. I wrote that “mixed signals” are probably the only possible mode of communication. In saying that, I did not mean that communication is impossible.

Maybe you are very good, and incredibly intelligent, and you are really good at decoding messages, even non-verbal ones. I’ve been on this planet for more than 50 years. In my life, I’ve found there are numerous times when I’ve thought I knew something, and it turned out I was “mind reading” and I was wrong. I only found that out when we actually talked about it.

I have been humbled in my efforts to understand other people’s behavior and what they believe or are trying to say. I try not to take anything for granted anymore. I try to check, check again, and then recheck. I have found communication to be a perilous endeavor. And I’ve had a lot of practice, I believe. I’ve spent a lot of my time in my life thinking about it and trying to get better at it.

When I was maybe seventeen, and girlfriendless, I was quite frustrated. I had no idea what girls wanted. Finally I had the idea of asking a girl. She was a friend of mine who I hoped would become a girlfriend. She told me that girls liked communication. I don’t know if her generalization was right, although I suspect she was right, but I know it worked for her. We never did become a couple, but I feel like I learned a valuable lesson.

You may be different, of course. And my sample may be biased, but I’ve found that most people can tell stories of miscommunication over the simplest things. I hope you are right about your abilities. I suspect you will find that things turn out to be a little more difficult than they have been so far in your life. If not, then I would certainly like to know how you do it.

@daloon Well first of all I never claimed to have higher than average abilities at deciphering messages myself. I know people who are very good at communicating and others who are not. Personally I think I’m in the middle, I can communicate in certain situations fairly well, and then I find myself speechless and confused in others. This however, is beside the point.

I was not citing your comments for rhetorical purposes, I was merely trying to add incite to the topic. The point I intended to make was that it is possible to communicate without sending mixed signals. Indeed communication can be a “perilous endeavor” as you say, in fact I think that’s a very accurate way to put it. Attempting to clarify messages by talking to people and asking them just what they meant is seemingly the best we can do, and unfortunately some people still won’t give you a straight answer as to what they are trying to convey. There are people, however, that will give you a straight answer and because of this I believe it is important to at least try.

There is a lot involved in reading what someone really means i.e. body language, tone of voice etc… Maybe I was wrong to say that communication is never impossible, being only 20 years of age I sure don’t have as much experience as you do, and there are most likely people on this Earth incapable of conveying their true feelings. So I would like to restate my belief and say instead that while it may not always be possible, it is worth it to at least try, if a person is important enough to you to communicate with.

I suppose this conversation is an example of miscommunication in itself, which is ironic and amusing at the same time. I hope my response clarifies my message, or my argument may be null and void all together haha

@SmellyBoy I suppose this conversation is an example of miscommunication in itself…

Bingo! I’m glad you caught that. And I agree that communication should always be attempted. It’s just understanding that is fraught.