General Question

Maximillian's avatar

How long does it take to recover from a loved ones unexpected death?

Asked by Maximillian (948 points ) December 26th, 2009

That about sums it up. How long to recover.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

16 Answers

laureth's avatar

I don’t think there’s a timetable for these things. There are, of course, the seven stages of grief, and most people find that to be a decent guide. On the other hand, it’s not like there’s an orderly procession, first step one, then step two, etc. – they progress, and you can be fine one day, and the next day it’s like you’re back at square one. People heal in their own time.

If this happened to you, my heart goes out to you. It may help to reach out to others who are also grieving, to support each other and know that you are not alone. There are also support groups, but I don’t know how to find them in your local area. If you have a spiritual community, they may know, or even sponsor some themselves.

On the whole, though, each person’s grief is unique. You can’t force healing.

Violet's avatar

My dog died 2 years ago, and I still cry about it all the time.

Maximillian's avatar

@laureth Oh, well thanks. Its not for me. A friend of mine lost her boy friend in a car accident. I’ve been searching for a clear cut answer, but I guess I’ll get no luck. Thanks anyways.

Darwin's avatar

My husband’s first wife died very suddenly of a blood clot in her lung. He was driving both of them home from bowling when she was afflicted, and she died in his arms in the car. For a full year he was pretty much a basket case, going to work because it was the only thing he could do. I noticed that periodically for the next four or five years he would suddenly fall silent and would be thinking of her again. Now, 20+ years later he seems to be able to think of her without pain.

A friend of mine lost his wife to a brain tumor. Within 3 months he was dating someone. She was killed in a car crash, and he went another three months but then started dating again, and eventually remarried. He seems better able to cope than many. He says that it is because he forces himself back out in the world so he doesn’t “sit and mope.”

It is very individual.

Judi's avatar

It depends on what you mean by “recover.”. I don’t think you ever “recover” because life will never be the same again.
Different people get back into a new “normal” at different rates. There is no right or wrong way to mourn. It always hurts and it always sucks. There is really no way to anticipate how any individual will handle it.
I’m sorry if you are hurting. Allow yourself to feel the grief. It will probably come out at the strangest times and places.
30 years later I found myself missing my first husband yesterday, crying, wishing he could see his beautiful grandchildren Christmas morning. I guess I’m still “recovering.”

filmfann's avatar

My dad has been gone 26 years. Not recovered yet.

Adagio's avatar

@Maximilian there is no clear cut answer, you’ve just got to go through it, grief works differently in everybody.

Maximillian's avatar

Thanks you guys. I was trying to get this so that I could use it in a speech.

gailcalled's avatar

In my case, never. The emotions change, become less urgent and less overwhelming but life is and will be different. I get caught off-guard less often, I remember the joy and wallow in the sorrow less, but nothing will ever be as it was, before.

Jeruba's avatar

Recovering may take forever. As for mourning, what I have heard fairly consistently is that a normal period of mourning lasts for one to two years. In the case of my father it lasted a year and a half for me. After that I wouldn’t say I had recovered, exactly, but grieving was not occupying such a huge share of my emotional energy any more.

If I had lost a child, I don’t know how it would ever stop.

meagan's avatar

I think it takes different time for different people. I’m not very good with dealing with my emotions. There are some deaths that I still can’t get over.

Fluthermucker's avatar

Wow…Max…if you are going through that at this time, I am sooooo sorry. I lost both of my parents at an early age, and though the pain has dimmed it never goes away. Console yourself with time well spent with them, the good times you shared, and that they died loved and will be missed. Most of all, honor them with your smiles and laughter, not your tears…for that is how they would have it for you, I’m sure.

And remember, death is not the end of it, and love conquers all…even death.

Peace be unto you.

ucme's avatar

As long as it takes.

Silhouette's avatar

I don’t think you ever recover, you just learn to cope.

Football's avatar

there is no real length just as long as it takes

Answer this question

Login

or

Join

to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
or
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther