Social Question

King_Pariah's avatar

When you die, how do you want people to react at your funeral?

Asked by King_Pariah (11413 points ) September 28th, 2011

Do you hope you are someone that can be cried over? Do you hope that they remember the good times and laugh? What would you want? And do you think you’ve lived in a manner which could result in those… close to you reacting in the way you’d want?

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45 Answers

Jude's avatar

I’m not having one.

cookieman's avatar

I hope my funeral is a giant bar-b-cue pig roast & clam bake and the attendees are have a grand old time. Celebrate my life, tell stories about me, talk bad about me – I don’t care. Just have some fun and be thankful it isn’t you in the pine box.

GabrielsLamb's avatar

Somewhat in the way they did at Bukowski’s Funeral… Some cry, some throw stuff, some mad, some happy, some sad… Hell, I deserve all of that and then some! Mostly I think no one will show…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1vtAaAK5uS8

thebluewaffle's avatar

My funeral is going to be a massive party. I don’t want anyone mourning, want everyone to have a great time and think, ‘fucking hell, he really lived his life to the full’

gondwanalon's avatar

It would be cool if people would be inspired by my athletic and healthy lifestyle as well as my longevity.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

I’d rather them throw a party than have a funeral. Hell, if it weren’t so grotesque, I’d suggest they dump my ashes over the charcoal in a barbecue pit and grill hamburgers over me.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I’d prefer the party and good time. If anybody needs to a small service to the side so it doesn’t disturb the partygoers.

rebbel's avatar

“Pfff, was about time…”
-“Tell me about it…., who got his Corvette, by the way?”
“Don’t know, don’t care…..., I’m just glad he left me his shares in Fluther!”
-“Did he now, the bastard promised me some too, but all I got was the honours to do his eulogy.”

….......

-“Dear friends and family, we are gathered here today to say farewell to that good, good hearted guy, rebbel.”

Blackberry's avatar

I want it to look like a college party.

JilltheTooth's avatar

KatawaGrey has promised me a fun party with good food and silly stories. That sounds like fun, I hope I’ll get to be there in a box on the mantlepiece.

Gingerlaurie's avatar

I’ve made it very clear to all that it is to be a celebration of life. Casual wear, nothing formal, a huge potluck, all the while music I’ve pre-chosen is playing semi-loud (the way I like it!). Tell stories if you want, don’t if you don’t want to, enjoy the non-alcoholic and alcoholic beverages, and just SMILE. You don’t have to say why you felt the need to be there, just show up. =)

YoBob's avatar

I would prefer that those I leave behind get to gather and celebrate life (both mine and theirs) rather than morn my passing.

King_Pariah's avatar

sorry but the spelling Nazi in me couldn’t help it @YoBob it’s mourn not morn

flutherother's avatar

I would like someone to go insane with grief, run up to the minister, grab him by his dog collar and beat his head against the pulpit shouting why why why?

YoBob's avatar

Alas @King_Pariah, the auto-spell checker can only help the syntactically challenged such as myself just so much as “morn” is also a valid English language word (although incorrect in the above statement)

Blackberry's avatar

Oh shit, I forgot…...I want it to be like this.

wundayatta's avatar

I have no interest whatsoever in my death memorial. I don’t if there is one or isn’t. The memorial is for my children and anyone else who happens to care. It’s up to them. They can do what they want.

I want a memorial before I die, and that’s going to be a big party and we will make music and dance and read poetry or make speeches about me. I want to know what, if anything, people appreciate about me. I’ll send out invitations saying that this is an appreciation of me, and if you don’t appreciate anything, don’t come. I think there will be maybe three people there besides me. Better than none!

Of course, this is not going to happen.

poisonedantidote's avatar

I hope something really offensive happens. One of my friends gets drunk and tosses a turd at someone as he laughs out loud, that would do.

Sunny2's avatar

I don’t really care what they do, but there should be good food.

Thammuz's avatar

I want everybody to get wasted, eat lots of good food and spend the evening having fun.

Meego's avatar

I’m not going to have a funeral.

My friends aren’t real friends. I’m at the point in life of reevaluating my relationships.
I have a sister who doesn’t want anything to do with her family. My mother and brother are the only ones who wonder about me, my brother is the most often…it’s sad really.

Before my husband passed, he went into the hospital it was serious (but he didn’t die from that) my BFF I’ve known for 20 years was more concerned in how I could help her with her failing marriage..as I’d done before, she actually lived with me. I also helped her after she had her child. When my husband got really sick she vanished, when he passed away I had to hold her hand in support to stand at his memorial table.

A few moths later I decided to try to get out I went to visit her, I couldn’t stop talking about him…she told me I need to get over it and move on :’(

I realized then what the relationship was. She now talks about her new friend.

If I died tomorrow the first people to find out is my brother. He knows the value of a dollar and I so far have only been able to pay for my cremation and opening and closing of the grave and an urn. There is no sense in spending money on for people that don’t care.

Edit: I do have friends across seas that I’ve never met like on Fluther…no disrespect to them

creative1's avatar

It really don’t matter to me about having a funeral because all they are mourning at that point is an empty shell… the nut has gone to a better place.

boxer3's avatar

It’s weird to think about.
I don’t want anyone to mourn me. Being realistic,
and knowing thats not going to be avoided, I hope that
the focus is kept on good, funny times that have past-
I don’t want a huge ordeal lots of money spent on flowers and such,
I appreciate sentiment but Im alreadygone use the money for things you need
or some other good cause… I dunno.
what I want and what will happen will probably be different.

I just don’t want anyone to lose their shit. ..

WestRiverrat's avatar

A traditional N’awleans jazz band would be nice.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I would hope people would say I inspired them and helped raise amazing children.

KateTheGreat's avatar

I would just hope that they remember me as a good person and celebrate my life rather than mope around crying.

Symbeline's avatar

I certainly hope nobody thinks to take preventive action which would disallow me to rise from the dead…

But eh, I don’t know. Probably only like, three people are gonna attend my funeral, and four of them are probbaly staff. XD

Bellatrix's avatar

Well I hope some people turn up. Would be a bit of a downer if my husband did have to do the rent-a-crowd thing :D

Other than that, I hope there are a few tears but lots of laughs. I would hope they would celebrate my life and the people attending would hug my children and my husband and help and support them through their grief.

I don’t want it to be a roast though. I am not perfect but my funeral or memorial service or whatever it is, is not the time to tell the world all my faults. This happened at my sister’s funeral with family members pointing out many of her foibles and I really thought it was the wrong time and place.

john65pennington's avatar

Meego, indeed you do have friends here that care about everything associated with you.

Do not forget that.

Bellatrix's avatar

Removed by me!

Symbeline's avatar

@Bellatrix In a thread about death, I denno why, but your latest comment was oh so zombie like. And that’s awesome. :)

Bellatrix's avatar

Lol @Symbeline… I see what you mean.

GladysMensch's avatar

I don’t care if they need to rent actors, I want it to be non-stop shrieks and wailing. I have instructed the wife (on several, non-consecutive occasions) that she is to throw herself onto the coffin as it is lowered into the ground. Everyone is to come back precisely one hour after internment and perform, upon the freshly filled grave, either the “worm”, the “Achey Breaky”, or the dance from “Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)”.

Ellis1919's avatar

Funerals are overrated. If I have any say I’ll never have one. I doubt anyone will listen to my last wishes. It’s all the same anyway.. the tears, the laughter, the memories both good and bad, the pain, the relief… it’s all so predicatable. There’s always someone that cares (even if you never know or believe it) and there is always someone that’s glad to see you gone.

JLeslie's avatar

I do hope people are sad, missing me, and remembering me. Also fine if they laugh about good times, it doesn’t have to be all doom and gloom. I hope if there are a lot of people who turn out for the funeral, I think that depends a lot on how old I am when I die, that the recepetion afterwards has all my favorite foods and desserts for people to enjoy.

Bluefreedom's avatar

I can sum it up like this:

Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you’re the one smiling and everyone around you is crying.

GabrielsLamb's avatar

@Blackberry You shall have beer pong! It is decided…

Earthgirl's avatar

I know it’s a little egotistical but I want my funeral to be my last hurrah. I want to choose the songs that are played and I want everyone that loved me to say why they loved me. It would be nice if a few tears rolled down their cheeks as they thought of how I wouldn’t be there to kick around, er, I mean, love anymore.

King_Pariah's avatar

Okay, well I guess I might as well throw in my “dream” funeral. I want what ever is the cheapest option, I don’t want a ceremony of any sort, and I don’t want anyone I know there. If cremation is the cheapest option, dump my ashes in any body of water. If burial is the cheapest option, put my body in an unmarked grave.

linguaphile's avatar

When my grandma’s husband died, the plan was to cremate him. My mother was helping out and the funeral director offered her a casket, explaining that even cremated folks get caskets. She asked what he was going to do with the casket, and he said that it would be with the body when it went into the crematorium.

He offered her a $2000 casket. My mom, being who she is, cussed and said she wasn’t literally burning $2000 with PawPaw. She asked for the cheapest option and he came down to about $800. She, again, cussed and asked, “Don’t you have a box or something?” It turns out that they indeed had a $25 box that could be used.

So, when I die, my family had better buy that $25 box. I don’t want any money thrown towards my cold, dead corpse, only towards the living. The most I would like, is to be cremated and let go in the mountains of Alabama on a windy day. I don’t want any big hullaballoos—just a small family thing with lots, lots, lots of music and stories. Regardless of what happens, I plan NOT to go gently into that good night.

Ron_C's avatar

I don’t want a funeral, it’s a waste of money and time. When I am dead, I won’t care what happens to my body. I suggest cremation and I want my ashes scattered were it will piss of the maximum numbers of right-wingers, possibly in the Fox News air conditioning system.
Then I want a party for family and friends, hopefully followed by a drunken, drugged orgy.

Thammuz's avatar

Am i the only one getting a Big Lebowsky feel from @linguaphile‘s answer?

linguaphile's avatar

@Thammuz Laughing—never thought of it this way. Now that I think of it, my mom’s definitely a Coen Brothers character.

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