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SamIAm's avatar

How have you gotten over/past feeling homesick?

Asked by SamIAm (8628 points ) December 26th, 2009

Have you ever moved far away from home/friends/family? I would think missing those people and what you’re familiar with is inevitable. How have you dealt with this? You can’t always make yourself busy, or surround yourself with people… so when there’s some down time, how do you not feel homesick?

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25 Answers

Vunessuh's avatar

I moved out over three years ago.
I honestly thought I was going to be terribly homesick, especially being six hours away.
Surprisingly, I was homesick and crying only two days out of the first week, and I’ve never had that problem again.
I keep myself busy with work and the focus and attention I put on my goals always helps.
Of course, I miss my parents and my friends tremendously, but there is a difference between missing them and actually being homesick.
My career (which is why I moved) is my life, but family is first and if anything ever happened I would dropped everything to be there for them. I know this and they know this and it helps considering the fact that if there was an emergency, the plane ride home is only 45 minutes. We’re still in the same state. That is comforting.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

I’ve moved around quite a bit and I am slow to make new friends in new places. I’ve never been one to haunt local hang-outs. I usually have relocated for a reason and I try to be polite and friendly without forcing my company on others. I busy myself with my own hobbies and interests and slowly find people who share my interests.

Of course, I’m older now, but making friends in new, unfamiliar places is hard and takes time.

I hope you find a home among people where you are.

Symbeline's avatar

I still miss Winnipeg, but I got over it a long time ago. Incidentally I come from France, but I was six when we left, no real time to miss it.

SamIAm's avatar

@Dr_Lawrence : thanks! I’ve been here for just under a month and I have met some great people already – so I’m very lucky… But there are days, like today, when I just lay in bed (I don’t have a job yet and classes don’t start until February) and talk to my family and get really sad. I’ve moved away before but only 1,500 miles, not 3,000. And I flew home quite frequently then. I have my cats here which is great because I’m never really alone… but it’s still kinda rough at times.

Vunessuh's avatar

@Samantha_Rae I really do find that Q&A communities are a great way to deal with your loneliness. You can find some great friends on here and regardless of whether or not you’ve ever met them in person, they can be the ones to really help you get through the rough times.

YARNLADY's avatar

I miss the large family gatherings, but I manage to have a dinner for those of us who live here. My oldest grandson lives with us, and my youngest lives nearby with his wife and two sons, so I am gradually building my own “family” to gather.

SamIAm's avatar

@Vunessuh : yeah, Fluther has become more addicting since I’ve moved… It’s nice to know there’s pretty much always someone… and at the least it’s a distraction.

phillis's avatar

I didn’t, for a long time. I suffered with those feelings for many years, until I finally realized that I could be “home” pretty much anywhere. It’s a matter of shifting your perspectives a bit.

Symbeline's avatar

@phillis Agreed. Even if you try and go against it, it still happens…you just have to accept it, maybe?

gemiwing's avatar

Some things that worked for me:

Find a place to be a regular at. Bar, coffee shop or small bookstore. Some place that people start to recognize you and give you a ‘Hey I remember you’ smile and greeting.

Decorate your new place with pictures you take around town. I went downtown with my cheapo camera and shot pics. It helped me feel more of a connection with my new home.

Buy something for your new place that you’ve always wanted. It will give a sense of accomplishment to the new home. A warm fuzzy to look at.

SamIAm's avatar

@gemiwing : i like the picture idea! my apartment is so cozy and i feel at home, in this city and in my place, but it still sucks sometimes! :( my walls are very white so i think some local pictures would be a great idea! thank you.

gemiwing's avatar

@Samantha_Rae Yeah, getting adjusted really does stink sometimes. Go get your shutterbug on! Maybe you can share the pics with us, that’d be neat.

phillis's avatar

Good point, Sym. You can’t fight it, especially if it is a circumstance that you chose (children don’t have that advantage, but adults usually do). You remember why you’re there in the first place, and keep that goal front and center. Accepting that homesickness is normal, you can roll with it better than bemoaning your “fate”. You make the best with what you have :)

rooeytoo's avatar

Join a local walk/run club, not only do you learn your way around, you make new friends in a healthy atmosphere.

I moved from east coast USA to Australia and I am happy. But most of my family is dead so that helps, well you know I mean, heheheh.

Look upon it as an adventure and an opportunity to grow outside the box. I always moved around a lot, just seemed more exciting than staying in one place.

pjanaway's avatar

I moved half way around the world, Never gotten home sick. :)

phillis's avatar

@pjanaway Admirable! I’ll be many wish they had the mindset you had.

nebule's avatar

Great Question! And a pertinent one to me in a very strange way….

For a long time I didn’t feel attached to my family or a home and I moved away to college and lived with a boyfriend for a few years,...I didn’t feel homesick in the slightest and I look back now and wonder how I did it!! I felt so comfortable. I then moved back home and was got into another abusive relationship and the relationships between me and my family were strained to say the least because they disagreed with what I was doing…

Years later I have moved out and live round the corner from my mum and dad, I have never been closer to all of them and feel I need them very much… I’ve not had the homesick feeling since I was a child but I experience this whenever I leave my home now…even when I go round to my parents house to stay (like over Christmas – just for one night) I always feel a little homesick. I want to be in my own home, safe.

I once went up to Scotland to see a friend which is 6 hour drive away and felt terribly homesick…it was one of the worst experiences of my life… I felt like I had nothing to hang on to…I was so scared and lost and felt like I was dying…

I think @gemiwing ‘s posts are amazing and have some brilliant advice.

The actual feeling of being homesick, I think, is one of the most terrifying I’ve ever had…I’d love to know more about this phenomenon and which factors go into it…because it does seem like no other…and I’m not sure whether ultimately it is an attachment to something, some-one, or some people, a place… or an attachment to something inside of us that I can’t put my finger on…

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

I grew up all over the world (Navy brat) so I never really had a “home town” to miss. As a young man, my “home” was BOQ wherever I was stationed. My later “homesickness” was for a person rather than a place when I was deployed “downrange”

Cruiser's avatar

Go to the nearest cafe and order meatloaf and you will vividly remember why you ran away in the first place.

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

@gemiwing Agree with @lynneblundell assessment of your postings. C’est magnifique!

wildflower's avatar

Most of the time i remember back home with nostalgia, i dont want to be there, but i’m fond of it – both the places and the people.
Sometimes i miss it more than others and usually i get over the worst part by reminding myself i really did want to move away ( i’m also reminded of this whenever i visit back home for more than 2–3 days). Other times i might miss certain events and i cant really Shake it – and thats ok, ill listen to radio, check websites and read up ón news from home and just let myself be a little homesick. Actually, thats a good time to start planning the next visit home.
You cant avoid missing what you’ve left, but the reason for leaving should help get through it and (in the words if my favorite band) who says you cant go home :)

JesusWasAJewbot's avatar

My mother kind of suggested i moved out (Harlem, NY) when i was 15 to live with my dad in Miami, FL. That was a shock to my system, i called her, family, friends constantly until i was able to make new friends.

When i was 18, my father did the same thing and told me to move out to Orlando, FL. Same things happened, this time i lived on my own so it was getting kind of bad but i frequently drove down to Miami or flew to NYC to visit family.

delirium's avatar

Get on meetup.com and find a group to join.

StupidGirl's avatar

Although I don’t even know where home is, no.

HighShaman's avatar

The feeling are always there of special friends and certain family members etc….

However; you just got to move on with the friends / family whoever you have at wherever you are…

You can still keep in touch over the internet and phone calls…. get a web cam !!

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