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Captain_Fantasy's avatar

How would Fox News spin the Galactic Empire's actions in Star Wars?

Asked by Captain_Fantasy (11416 points ) February 22nd, 2010

-“If you don’t support the Emperor, you don’t support democracy.”

-“When you let droids marry, you’re saying it’s ok to let Twi’Leks marry Banthas. It’s the same thing.”

-“If you object to the Empire recruiting from your planet, you’re obviously a Rebel.”

-“Love our Galaxy or leave it!”

-“I tell ya what’s wrong with the galaxy: Illegal aliens!”

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27 Answers

Blackberry's avatar

“We need the death star to protect ourselves from the rebels, they hate us for our freedom!”.

poisonedantidote's avatar

senator mon mothma is yet to produce a birth certificate.

Captain_Fantasy's avatar

Clearly the Death Star’s destruction was a terrorist act.

Grisaille's avatar

There’s a Jar Jar Binks/Sarah Palin joke in here somewhere.

Blackberry's avatar

@Grisaille I think just by suggesting that was the joke already lol.

J0E's avatar

The Rebel Alliance would be called anarchists.

Blackberry's avatar

@Grisaille Lol! Ok I was slow on that one.

graynett's avatar

Rule by law is the only safe way for people to live except if the law is a bad law then Darth is not my fathers’ brother-in-law!

rangerr's avatar

Of course everyone is all for the Empire’s takeover. It wouldn’t be patriotic if they didn’t.

filmfann's avatar

The Jedi! What makes them think they are so much better than everyone else?
They don’t love the Empire!

jeffgoldblumsprivatefacilities's avatar

“We had to destroy Alderaan, our intelligence showed that they were developing WMD’s!”

Dog's avatar

This could be my very favorite question.

filmfann's avatar

BTW, years ago I wrote an email that pointed out how much Cheney looked like Palpatine, Edwards looked like Luke, W looked like Jar-Jar, and Kerry looked like Chewbacca.
Now, I realize Obama is Lando Calrizian.

rangerr's avatar

@filmfann Omg. I just fell off my bed laughing.

SeventhSense's avatar

“Use the Spin Luke”
“May the Spin be with you.”

Mamradpivo's avatar

Those leftist Jedi elitists in their ivory tower are out of touch with real imperial citizens.

Captain_Fantasy's avatar

Mamradpivo, damn right! If we left it up to them, we’d be paying the health care costs for ALL the Ugnauts.

graynett's avatar

When in Rome do what Romans do

rangerr's avatar

@graynett You mean… When on Endor, party like an Ewok.

Qingu's avatar

Islamoforcists.

I always like the uncomfortable plot summary for A New Hope: Religious extremist terrorists blow up government installation.

bostonbeliever's avatar

brought order and prosperity to a crumbling, obsolete and corrupt government controlled by special interest groups.
also, Empire keeps us safe from international threats by empowering the every man as soldiers instead of the select few (Jedi).

rovdog's avatar

Love this observation! We wrote a sketch based on a very similar idea in my sketch group in college ( many many years ago now- God)- which starred coincidentally- amongst others- one the wonderful people who dreamed up this site. The sketch never got through our rehearsal process so we never performed it however. I will now however search an ancient hard drive and see if I can’t mine any jokes (should I find them – I can’t say if they’ll be funny).

Pretty_Lilly's avatar

Breaking News!!!! The Rebel Network reports: Rush Limbaugh is Emperor Palpatine and Jabba the Hut’s secret love child. Full story at 11 !! Eastern Galaxy Time

tb1570's avatar

Awesome question!!!!!!!!

SeventhSense's avatar

No one told me there was a preconceived bias a to the political leaning of the principal actors

PacificRimjob's avatar

I dunno, how would MSNBC spin it?

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