My boyfriend is terrified of becoming just like his brother...
Let’s get straight to the point: his brother is an ass. He doesn’t respect women, his family, or anyone! He’s a giant man-whore. He does so many stupid things it’s not even funny anymore :( He steals from his own mother and everything! He’s been in jail a few times now and continues to do the same things over and over…
My boyfriend sees only that his brother used to have a similar relationship with an ex that he and I have now. He says his brother used to be an amazing person and thinks that everything bad that his brother does can be linked back to that past relationship…he’s terrified about possibly screwing things up with me, and BAM! His life is in the gutter like what happened to his brother.
I don’t know how I can convince him that he is not like his brother and that one little screw up for him will not make him throw his life away…I think he has more will power and belief in himself than his brother and he knows how to handle things better… But how can I convince him that yes, it will be okay? I don’t want him to change, he doesn’t want to change, I don’t think he could ever be as bad as his brother is…but he thinks it’s his destiny to become that way no matter how hard he fights it! He thinks he’s doomed. I just really wish I could help him to stop thinking this way… any advice?
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How’s it go, idleness is the devil’s playground?
The fact that he’s scared of becoming like his brother is a good indication that he probably won’t. If he was anything like his brother, he wouldn’t even think about how his actions would hurt people who care about him.
His age. I’m guessing early to mid twenties at best? He will probably learn that he is his own person. It take us guys a little longer to realize that.
@missingbite He’s actually 16 lol I’m hoping he does realize pretty soon what I already know, it’s starting to scare me, too :(
Does he believe in free will, or does he believe he’s a sheep?
@PandoraBoxx he believes in free will, he’s just scared that if our relationship doesn’t work out or ends badly, that he will react the way his brother did, and pretty much go crazy! Which he doesn’t want to do, but you never know how you will react until it happens, right?
Two peas from a different pod.Tell him he’s got you so he can’t be all that bad.
You guys are so young. Your whole purpose in life at this age is to try to figure out who you are and who you want to become. He is working on that. That is a good thing. Just keep assuring him that you are there for him and point out his good qualities when the occasion presents itself. The fact he is concerned means he is not going to be that way. He just hasn’t figured that out yet, he will. Sounds like you got a good guy. Tell him that.
@DrasticDreamer @ucme and @Exhausted, thank you so much for the insight :) I think you’re right and he really is a great guy! I guess time is the only thing to make him see the goodness in him, huh?
@Chongalicious besides, if that is a pic of you in your avatar, you’re beautiful. Even if he has self doubts he can’t be stupid enough to risk loosing you.
Edit, I am happily married! Just a compliment before someone goes all PC on me.
Yeah it would be horrible to lose beauty. Not so bad to lose a wonderful person who loves you, though.
@missingbite it is, and thank you! I didn’t think you were a perve for saying that, btw haha
@dpworkin I think I’m a pretty good person too, ya know! And I do love him…please don’t write that off for my age.
If you say something stupid I’m likely to react, on any subject at all. Sorry.
@Chongalicious Just reassure him that you love him because he’s a good guy. :) All will probably end well.
Don’t spend your time on this. Your boyfriend has some irrational thing going on; he and he alone will have to deal with it.
A lot of this is normal self-identity of teen-age years. Part of the deal is closely examining the behavior of parents, older siblings and accepting or rejecting those traits that you see. Most little kids start out wanting to be just like their mom or dad because they are the center of their world. Then as kids age, they begin to see their parents as people and question their behavior and choices. Sometimes this happens with older siblings who were admired during childhood.
Tell him that you like him just as he is, and promise him that if he starts to act like his brother, you will tell him so he can stop immediately.
@PandoraBoxx Thanks, looks like I’m on the right track if I want to help him get over this, because I do try to do those things as best I can :)
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