General Question

jackfright's avatar

Should I hire the girl or pass for a chance to get personal?

Asked by jackfright (1180 points ) June 3rd, 2010

I met a really funny, intelligent and charismatic girl today. I felt comfortable with her, and i absolutely loved her sense of humour. I liked her poise, i loved her thinking.

But here’s the catch; she came in for a job interview and now i’m stuck. I know that if I hire her, she’ll be off-limits.

I know she’s good for the job because I had various colleagues evaluate her independently. So i’m not worried about that.

Should i hire her and trash my chance to meet her as a regular guy? Or pass for the chance at a potential relationship?

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65 Answers

arpinum's avatar

I hope she never finds out about this post, could open a discrimination lawsuit.

marinelife's avatar

I think that you should pass up the chance to date her. She came in for a job. She was interested in a job. She was not looking for you.

meagan's avatar

Hire her. You never know, she might really need the money. She is looking for a job, after all. I’d be pissed as hell if I didn’t get a job just because the boss wanted to bone me.

janbb's avatar

Oh – what an ethical dilemma! It is a shame but the only really answer is to offer her the job if she is qualified. Maybe you’ll get lucky and she won’t take it.

bob_'s avatar

How open do you think she’ll be to the idea of dating a guy who turned her down for a job?

If she’s the best for the position, hire her.

jackfright's avatar

@marinelife I know you’re right. I just hate the situation.

partyparty's avatar

It depends on what you need most – a relationship or a key worker. Only you can decide.

Disc2021's avatar

I really mean you no offense but I think this whole thought process is just a little unprofessional. It was a job interview, not a night out at the bar.

jackfright's avatar

@bob_ She’s not good at what she said she was most passionate about (the guys we have are better at it), but she’s perfect for a related role.

cookieman's avatar

Unless she mentioned in her application that a new boyfriend would be a fine consolation should she not get the job – offer her the job.

jackfright's avatar

I suspect the best thing i could probably do now is to pass her case to a colleague and her let decide if she wants the girl in our team.

reverie's avatar

I honestly don’t believe there’s a dilemma here at all. Clearly, your personal needs and desires shouldn’t have any influence whatsoever on this professional decision-making process.

If this woman is the best candidate for the job, you should offer her the job. If she isn’t the best candidate, then don’t offer her the job.

Honestly, whether or not you fancy her, and what your chances would be with her if you did/didn’t give her the job, are so irrelevant here that it shouldn’t be something that you give any weight to at all when making this sort of decision. I know your personal feelings might make this difficult, but you must treat her as you would any other candidate – anything else would be grossly unfair.

perspicacious's avatar

Give her the choice.

cookieman's avatar

@perspicacious: “Give her the choice.” – and she’ll likely smack him.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Hire her and pine away from afar.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

The fact that you asked the question is bad enough. A job is her key to making a decent living.That you’re thinking of not hiring her so you can date her is really wrong.

Silhouette's avatar

~Wow, how romantic. Sure don’t hire her, ask her out and make arrangements to pick her up at the cardboard box she has been forced to move into. Ask her to dinner, I’m sure she’s hungry, the food stamps don’t stretch as far as they used to. Don’t mention her B|O it’s harder to get really clean when you are bathing in the canal. Have fun on your date.~

AmWiser's avatar

How could you live with yourself and look her in the face if you denied her a job because of your own selfish wants. If in the future you two are really meant to be together it will happen. Maybe you will lose this job (or find another) then you can go back and approach her.

tedd's avatar

Obviously you hire her, thats just the right thing to do.

But don’t be so down, its not like her being an employee honestly really rules out any possibility of a future relationship. She could end up leaving the job but staying friends. She could reach the same level of management as you and it wouldn’t really be such a faux pas then. Or you could just keep it on the DL and not let it influence your work. I mean honestly, how many jobs are there really in this world that dating someone you work for would really effect the job that much?

RocketSquid's avatar

One thing to consider is that it’d be really hard to pick her up after turning her down for a job. It would look really odd if you didn’t hire her but tracked her down to ask for a date. I think your best bet is to figure out how to get the best of both worlds; hire her and find a way to date. Know anyone who works for a different company that may have a better use for her skills? Is it absolutely forbidden to date coworkers, or is it just looked down on? Hiring her sounds is definitely the better thing to do, but I still wouldn’t let that completely rule out the possibility of getting together.

MrItty's avatar

You have no choice here. None. Not hiring someone because you want to get into her pants is the DEFINITION of sexual harassment and sexual discrimination. Not only is it immoral and repugnant, it’s illegal.

cornbird's avatar

Hire her. That was what she was in the interview for.

jackfright's avatar

@tedd We have a few relationships and couples in the office, including some married couples. I’ve allowed it because there’s only been one instance where it’s affected the company directly (a couple broke up, and one of them quit).

But that’s always been at a distance, because i’ve personally never been interested or involved with anyone at the office before.

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

It’s improper for you to bring your personal life into the office, especially if you have the power to hire and fire. Switch off your gonads and treat this as a business decision. Professional life and social (especially sexual) life do not mix.

boxing's avatar

I think the choice is pretty clear, isn’t it?

chyna's avatar

I am looking for a job at this time. If I had the chance for a job or a date, believe me, I would choose the job. She was on her best to get the job, not turn you on.

Rufus_T_Firefly's avatar

Ethical questions aside, I’d rather surround myself with qualified people that I actually like than not have them in my life at all.

BoBo1946's avatar

Hire her if she is qualified for the job. Time will take care of the rest!

Merriment's avatar

So you don’t hire her and (unbelievably) you actually start dating and have a relationship. One night in the post coital glow she asks as she twirls the hair on your chest “So…why didn’t you hire me way back when?” You answer “You were so fantastic that I just wanted you for myself”.

For a minute she may be flattered but as she thinks about the inherent selfishness in those actions she will begin to pull away. Because what you have said and done was to limit her options and deny her something she wanted for your own purposes.

Not a good basis for happily ever after.

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RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Hire her, and be her special confidante co-worker. NEVER approach her sexually and that will cause her to want you… that is of course if she’s attracted to you.

If that doesn’t work, you can always resort to stalking.

breedmitch's avatar

Have you considered that the only reason you seemed to hit it off with her is because she was on her best “job interview” behavior? She might not normally be so nice and funny and poised.
I respect that you are conflicted by this, but the choice is clear. Hire her if she’s qualified.
What are the chances that she’d find you attractive, anyway? Or that she’s even single? Or straight? Of course she laughed at your jokes. She was trying to get a job.

6rant6's avatar

Can’t you hire her and then if things proceed between you two, get one of you transferred the McDonald’s across town?

lilikoi's avatar

Not hiring her, based on what you’ve said, would be extremely unprofessional.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

“extremely unprofessional” and fantastical to suppose she would automatically grant the date in the first place.

josie's avatar

It is easier to find a date than a good employee. I would hire her, and continue playing the field. Anyway, if it gets to the point that you guys realize that you are cosmic twins or something, she can use her skills and personality to get another job, you can ride into the sunset together and everybody is a winner.

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roundsquare's avatar

Maybe I’m repeating someone else here, but my thoughts:
1) She deserves the job if she is qualified.
2) You are clearly in no position to decide if she is qualified or not. Let someone else in your company decide.

Rarebear's avatar

He just better hope that there is no way his avatar or name on this website can be traced back to him. As other people have said, if he doesn’t hire her, and people he knows find out about it, her attorney will eat him for lunch. He also better hope that this is the only place he’s mentioned this and has kept quiet about it in real life.

Illuminat3d's avatar

Whatever makes you think she might have the slightest interest in you.

BoBo1946's avatar

@jackfright my second reply that was removed by the mods…don’t really understand why. BUT, my comment that was removed, either way you lose. If you hire her…you lose her! If you don’t hire her, try explaining to her why she did not get the job. So, hire her and go on down the road…maybe, next time!

Thammuz's avatar

Hire her.

And by the way, why should she be off limits afterwards?

silverfly's avatar

If she’s qualified, hire her. I bet she’s thinking the same thing! “I hope I get the job, but that would make this guy off limits”. Might want to wait a while before you ask her on a date though… otherwise it’ll look like you hired her for personal reasons. Yeah, and talk to Andrew about permanently deleting this thread. :)

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jackfright's avatar

@thammuz i had doubts about the possibility of a relationship afterwards simply because its not something I’ve ever had an interest in. I allow it with my colleagues because I trust them to make the right choices.

I dont want to be in a position where my other colleagues doubt my objectivity.

Thank you all for the well deserved wake-up slap.

I’ll pass the case over to another colleague and let her decide. Will try to keep my distance.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I like the idea you have of given her hiring over to a colleague. This way, hired or not, it won’t be on your conscious that any decision was affected by your attraction to her. You’re human and these things happen even in the workplace but there are ways to minimize any fallout.

People meet each other on the job all the time! One of my bosses married his boss’ daughter, the other boss married a store client, several fellow employees first met on the job and are now married. My ex longtime bf and I were nagged into dating by mgt. and my current bf and I met at a time we were both working for the same company. Should you get the chance then just be discreet and have a good life.

mrrich724's avatar

Don’t hire her, and then tell her why you didn’t hire her. . . see how far it gets you with her.

mrrich724's avatar

oh, and then tell your boss why you didn’t hire her, and see how far it gets you with work.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

Hire her if she’s qualified. She probably comes with a fiance and wedding plans.

DrBill's avatar

Lust is nice, but business is business.

You don’t know her well enough to call it love

Pandora's avatar

I get your dilema but if she’s all that and a bag of chips, no doubt she already has someone in her life. Maybe in time she will move up and take a better job. It will give you the opportunity to get to really know her and fi your meant to be than it will work out when she gets something else.
Or maybe you find shes a great worker, not so great socially and not for you.
Hire her. Its what she came for.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

I can see the conversation in the future: You say, “You were really qualified for that job, but I didn’t hire you because I wanted to get in your pants date you.” She says, “Bastard. I have $800 a month in student loan payments and really needed that job.”

TriflinTriscuit's avatar

Hire her. Putting myself in the girl’s shoes, I’d be absolutely appalled if I found out that I didn’t get hired simply because my interviewer was attracted to me.

Thammuz's avatar

@TriflinTriscuit I’d be appalled too, I mean, generally the opposite happens! (i mean in general, not in your parrticular case)

Seriously, how many times have you heard of somebody NOT hiring someone because they were attracted to him/her?

IMSORRY's avatar

Hire her. Definitely. Thats the right thing.

jackfright's avatar

Here’s a quick update for anyone who may be remotely curious;

We hired her.

She’s called me a few times since (once just to say thanks). But usually to complain about her manager. I’ve told her that i’m staying out of it, and any I consider any phone calls to me outside the scope of work if she doesn’t see me about it in the office.

She’s single and says she wouldn’t mind going out with someone from the office, but i’m still keeping my distance, and waiting to see how it goes before asking her out.

janbb's avatar

Thanks for the update – sounds like you are handling it well.

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Thammuz's avatar

@jackfright See? It’s not mutually exclusive.

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