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Bobby42's avatar

What is appropriate in a long distance relationship?

Asked by Bobby42 (102 points ) June 15th, 2010

Sorry if this is long:

I have just recently ended my 2.5 years relationship with my highschool boyfriend. We went to college and it ended for various reasons. When I first got to school I met a guy that I fell hard for(although I was still in my relationship) we did not cheat but there was mutual attraction and we became fast friends. He too had a girlfriend. Months into my relationship with this friend of mine I realized it was begining to ruin my relationship with my boyfriend..I had to make a choice. I decided to end it with my friend. I told him that I had feelings for him and that I couldn’t go on being his friend while with my boyfriend because it was going to ruin my relationship. I let him go. It was so painful for me because I think I really had fallen in love with him. I ran into him occasionally throughout the rest of the year, but I could always tell there was still something there- so I stayed away. I broke up with my boyfriend quite recently(2 weeks), for me though it has been over since I met this other guy. Two days after my break up I come to find out that my college friend and his girlfriend also broke up. I wrote him on facebook and he immediately texted me. We have been writing and talking ever since. Here is the dilema- we live three hours away and I am transferring from the university where we met. We have set a date to meet in July, and we are going to go from there. But is it possible to even make something like this work. And my big question is can we kiss on the first date…because it is long distance I feel that we should- we only have so many opportunities you know? But then part of me is like no that is not first date appropriate…So, in this situation what is appropriate… I’ve been given a second chance to make this work. How do I do it?

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13 Answers

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Stop worrying about it and enjoy the opportunity to see him:)

chyna's avatar

Don’t over analyse it. Three hours is not that great a distance. See him and just do what feels right to you.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Yes, yes it’s possible! Do it! Congratulations!

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

The strength of a long distance relationship….is always contingent on the ability of both partners to be true to each other. If your new interest has a roaming eye…forget about it. If you can’t live without someone 24–7…forget about that, too.

Long distance relationships can work if you find ways to be together, to say goodnight via phone (or Skype) every night, to meet halfway between schools on weekends or taking turns making the commute. It’s not easy, by any means, but it’s possible.

I feel that this happened at the right time for both of you….as @chyna said…just do what feels right to you. If you have been attracted to this person…for goodness sakes, kiss him. It’s not 1899. And talk about what you are going to do if you decide to date/get to know each other further…..make some plans.

I wish you all the best….the headiness of the first weeks of a new relationship…are just super….<sigh>. :)

CMaz's avatar

Better than nothing.

Your_Majesty's avatar

Meet him and do whatever you think is the best for you. Just kiss him if you and him feel like it. And forget about the norm(It’s just keep you from doing your best).

hug_of_war's avatar

I think you’re getting ahead of yourself, just see how your July meeting goes

Cruiser's avatar

That first kiss should let you know if all that you have been thinking about is real or not….just do it!

BoBo1946's avatar

go with the flow….you will know! Just have fun and see where it goes!

marinelife's avatar

As to the kissing, since you have had a previous relationship even if only a friendship, it is not really like your first date. So go for it.

As to whether long distance will work, who can say? Why not try it, and then if it is working out change your plans to live in the same place eventually.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

You have, in a sense, been in a relationship with this person even though it has not been acted upon. The fact that the feelings have endured voluntary separation for so long makes it highly likely that this will work out for you. The distance will only be a matter of logistics.

Seaofclouds's avatar

Like everyone else said, do it! Go have fun and do whatever feels right for you. Don’t worry about what other people think is appropriate or inappropriate. It’s your life, live it. :)

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