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Moxy's avatar

How do i get a job?

Asked by Moxy (179 points ) July 14th, 2010

I am very shy and I dont like to go anywhere without my mum. I want to get a job but I dont want to leave the house on my own. I will only go somewhere on my own with my dog or with mum only. I’ve been bulied all my life and that has stopped me leavin’ the house and going outside because we have bad neighbours aswell which makes it more harder for me. How do I get out of the house without worrying about them and things?

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12 Answers

Chrissi85's avatar

I pretty much have the same problem, it terrifies me. I can’t go to the Jobcentre without my boyfriend, the idea of ringing an employer or going for an interview makes me sick with fear. I am too shy to talk to them properly and too scared to get a job in case I mess it up. I don’t really know how to deal with it exactly, but I personally am doing some voluntary work to gain confidence. Because you aren’t paid there’s less fear of messing up, and generally they are really nice and understanding, especially if you work for a charity or something. Try getting your mum to explain to them that you have anxiety problems and are looking to improve your social skills and suchlike, there’s a good chance you will find someone really understanding that will take you on voluntary, and from there it’s just a case of working at it until you feel more confident, and realise what a lovely and capable person you truly are! Best of luck, I know how it feels to be trapped in your own fear, I hope you manage to break out of it

bunnygrl's avatar

@Chrissi85 that is a great answer honey, full of really good advice and well done for coping so well yourself. I was trapped in the house for a long time after my breakdown, and it took quite a while to get to where I am now. Too often people are very dismissive about anxiety problems and panic attacks. Someone telling you to “pull yourself together” does NOT help, I used to leave bruises and cuts on my hubbys arms because I’d be gripping him so tight when we were outside, I used to cry and shake. It’s a truly horrible way to live but you can get over it, I promise. I still get the wobbles now and again but no where near as badly. A very wise nurse told me I should “fight the battles I can win” and to this day, I keep fighting them every day, and every day it gets a weeny bit easier. Sending hugs to you both honeys, you’re both amazingly brave and incredibly strong people and you’ll beat it, and when you do, you’ll be all the stronger for it.
love and hugs xx

Chrissi85's avatar

Thank you @bunnygrl, I’m so glad you are getting better. It is a horrible thing to live with, and being labelled as a faker and a moocher doesn’t help much either. I am gradually getting better, but @Moxy the first steps are always the hardest. The initial getting out the house part is so difficult, it feels like the whole world is looking at you and waiting to jump on you, but knowing you have anxiety helps a lot, because you can talk yourself through it. It’s like with a panic attack.. If you are able to tell yourself ‘This is a panic attack, I know what this is, I have been through this before’ then after a while you will find yourself more and more able to cope with it. That logic can be applied to all aspects of anxiety and agoraphobia. If you can keep saying ‘I know I am afraid, but I know why I am afraid, and I can deal with it. The fear doesn’t own me, I own the fear’

The fact that you had the courage to come on here and open up to strangers shows how much you want to get your life back, it’s a brilliant first step. I’m sure you can do it, I have faith in you =)

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Chrissi85 @bunnygrl @Moxy Sometimes, you just need to set back and learn to say f*** it, I don’t care what others think and go for it. I know, easier said than done. I was very shy when I was younger, I’m 49 now, and I’ve just learned to quit worrying about others and doing my own thing. Try it on a few little things first and see how it works. Good luck.

MaryW's avatar

Make a plan to go out to do one thing. Meet some one for a snack. Then return home. Plan many of these day trips. You will see that most people are so busy with themselves that they ignore you. Meeting someone is your ace in the hole. “Hand holding” is ok, because you can venture out and get braver. A hobby that can turn into a job is a good idea too. The best jobs are doing something you enjoy.
Fear is a normal good thing. Worry is too much fear taking over your life, it is like a person you do not wish to have around because they are ruling you. This may sound simplistic but when your breathing gets fast and shallow take possession of it and slow it Waaaaay down while you hold your index finger to the tip of your thumb. Think of nothing but your slow breath for a full minute.

bunnygrl's avatar

@Chrissi85 you are NOT a faker or a moocher!! That makes me so mad I could spit! You know sometimes I wish that some of these people, admin staff at jobcentres, unsympathetic nurses (met a few of them, thats where I got the “pull yourself together”) folk who should know better, well sometimes, and I know this sounds mean, and I’m sorry but it would be justice in my view. Well I wish these people had to cope with this for even a day. The absolutely crippling fear that comes from nowhere and makes you sweat, shake, cry, makes the whole world completely terrifying, full of threats you can’t put into words even if someone asks you. Makes you want to die rather than be forced to face it on your own. The truth is that unless they have faced this, unless they have felt their heart beat so hard that they almost pass out, then even if a person is kind and wants to help, unless they’ve felt it they don’t properly understand its effect on you. Officials who are supposed to help though, they should all have training to help them understand, even a little how completely debilitating this is.

You’re so lucky, both of you. @Moxy you have your dear Mum and @Chrissi85 you have your boyfriend, and you’ll both beat it, I know it. If I hadn’t had hubby I wouldn’t have, I know that for sure. @Chrissi85 what you were saying about feeling everyone was looking at you? I remember about 3 years into my “rehabilitation” and with the help of a kind nurse, I was to go to our local swimming baths once a week for a class to help with my arthritis pain. On my first day I managed to get there (although not on my own but as that dear nurse said, fight the battles I can win). Well I got there, changed into my suit, and then opened the changing room door a little and kept looking out but was too scared to go out lol. Eventually made it out of the little changing cubicle because I saw two older ladies and thought well I might not look too out of place, not everyone here looks like they’d just walked off the set of baywatch lol. They walked off in the direction of my class, so I quickly tried to walk in the same direction, but lost them (can’t walk terribly well). I thought well, I’m here now, go. Just go, find the others, the class teacher is expecting you, just go. As I walked towards the main pool (where the class was held) there were school kids there and they all exploded with laughter. I mean really, laughing their heads off, and I just started crying because I thought they were laughing at me. Of course they weren’t, they were learning to swim and were having fun and had been laughing with their teacher who was talking to them, if it hadn’t been for my dear wee nurse (who was there waiting for me) I would have bolted, I actually don’t think I would have gone at all if it weren’t for that CPN.

I decided maybe a year or so ago, not consciously exactly, it was while talking to a friend at work that did it. Her niece had been diagnosed with bipolar and she wasn’t sure how to treat her or even talk to her anymore and the penny sort of dropped. Well, I told my friend that she had to treat her niece exactly the same as she had always treated her, and to do anything else would be doing her a dis-service. I told her that people who were forced to face things like severe anxiety, panic attacks, depression (I had a breakdown a few years ago) well folk like me, and her niece who were forced to face these horrors, they get stronger from it. I know so much more about myself because of what I was forced to go through, I hate that I had to go through it but I’m so grateful for what it taught me. I know that I am a stronger person than I thought I was. I know that if I can survive what I did, I can cope with most things. I also know that anyone who makes fun of me or makes hateful comments (and yes I had that so many times over the years, some from two toxic friends who are no longer a part of my life) well those people who behave like that can go to hell. I’ve been there and I know I’m the better for it, they haven’t faced these terrors, so what gives them the right to judge? sitting in a drs surgery or the other side of a desk in a jobcentre? to hell with that and to hell with them. You are better than they are, you are not the ones saying hurtful, hateful things. You are brave, strong, capable people who are going to kick this things butt and when you do, you’ll see it in others, and you’ll be able to help. I so wish I could hug you both for real but all I can do is <hugs @Moxy and @Chrissi85> xx kick its butt honeys <hugs>

bunnygrl's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe <hugs> that is so true!! I didn’t really “get” that till I was in my 40’s too, and like I said, the penny dropped, I’ve never really been the brightest crayon in the box :-) I have a tiny badge I wear on my bag now, tiny little round badge that says two words on it “bite me”. This particularly applies to anyone, official or otherwise, who thinks they’re better than me because I have to tick a box on forms saying that I have a mental illness. I work part time at a silly little job that I love, and even my manager there said recently (with a laugh it has to be said, she’s pretty cool as managers go) I was getting really bolshie, I told her thats what happens to survivors lol.
love and huggles xx

CMaz's avatar

I will avoid all the bla, bla, bla.

It is simple, but takes effort and time.

GROW UP! :-)

You will get there, don’t stress about it.

trailsillustrated's avatar

why do you need a job? you sound like a kid, maybe you could gain confidence in school and volunteering, then do a job later in life when you’re a little more outgoing?

mattbrowne's avatar

Take as many interviews as you can get. It will get easier after 20 interviews. You’ll know what to expect and the options you got when you reply. Even somewhat shy people will appear more and more professional. But the most important aspect is curiosity and a lifelong learning attitude.

AutumnBlack's avatar

you just got to tuff it out. dont run away from something cuz it will only make it worse. go to an interview by yourself take the interview and if you dont get the job then well its their loss on not hireing you.

jbeckett8's avatar

i personally found working at frist quite stressful im am also quite shy which dosent help .interviews i found to be quite nerve racking. just try and stay calm during an interview try to have an idea of what questions they might ask. about getting out and about after a while you should get used to it. i have a travel phobia when on public transport and stuff i not so bad if you have an ipod listen to it when your out that usally calms the nerves.

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