Have you ever decided to completely change your outlook on something? How did you do it?

I was once told “unless there is a tiger chasing you, then there isn’t ever any need to stress”.
I carry this thought around with me all the time. Most things are trivial compared with this piece of advice, and it sure works for me.
I don’t worry about the ‘small’ stuff now.
Try it out for yourself.

Changing ones viewpoint won’t change what your looking at. You got to find something that inspires you a little, or educate yourself on what it is you are having a problem with.

@truecomedian, “Changing one’s viewpoint won’t change what your looking at,” reads clever, but in my experience, changing one’s point of view is most often the first step in changing what you’re looking at. Because often what one is looking at is nothing more or less how he or she is looking at it.

As for what I’m doing to change my outlook—I’m working on a new plan to end my dependence on the corporate world and start making a new kind of living for the rest of my days: doing something I’m passionate about.

There are probably other issues causing this hyper fixation you are having on your SO.

Money, intimacy issues, nosy in-laws, friends or relatives, or addictions are prime trouble makers for any relationship. Dig deep and see what may be bugging you.

I changed my viewpoint on humanity and our society a bit once I realized that our purpose isn’t to do a good job or work for the benefit of all, but to be greedy, selfish pricks who only care for others (beyond close friends and family) once our own needs and desires are taken care of. Sure, sometimes you help yourself by helping others, but at the end of the day, altruism is dead.

Once I let that sink in a little, I changed my views on quite a few things and now have grudging respect for Microsoft, the GOP, and on humanity in general.

No real advice other than sometimes it takes the acceptance of an unpleasant truth to help you see clearly and/or differently.

Yes. I went from being a Christian theist to an atheist. How did I do it? Well… I gave it a few moments rational thought. I asked myself a couple of questions: “Do I believe that a spirit impregnated a woman, and that the resulting child was able to heal blindness with mud?” and…. “Do I believe that I need to be “saved” from the “sins” that I, as a human being, am incapable of avoiding?”
The Christian salvation scheme is like being born with a deformed leg and then needing forgiveness from your father because you can’t walk perfectly – like he can.
So, changing your outlook is easy. Use reason to make decisions.

First step: realize that not everything in life is that deep. Not everything needs to be discussed, analyzed, and torn apart in search of “roots” or originating badness.

Step two: have faith in your partner. Realize that you picked him because of goodness. Manufacturing stress, conflict, or pointing out behavior that you don’t approve of is counter-intuitive when you believe in the person you’re with.

Step three: accept happiness or contentment. Stop loving drama. Stop wanting trouble.

Just do it. Nobody else can do it for you. Be satisfied with life and stop wondering what’s next. Give your attention to what’s important today and stop worrying about yesterday or what comes tomorrow. If you have the mindset that you are doing the best that you can today, you won’t regret and you won’t be anxious. Change your way of thinking by thinking of positive change.

Start by being mindful/aware of the “feedback loop” that causes your behavior. Something he does triggers your responses and before you know it you’re doing it again. So, you have to slow that process down by paying attention to that exchange.

You might be acting out of feelings of threat to your security. These feelings, while real, may not be justified (because there isn’t an actual threat to your security). So possibly you need help relearning what is and isn’t a threat by getting regular feedback from someone who knows how to respond “like a normal person.”

It might work for you to set up an agreement with your SO that if you lose it, so to speak, over something unjustified, he has the right to leave the situation until you regain your senses. By him exiting the situation, the drama loop is short circuited. After you’ve cooled down, you can approach him with your “real” concern (which might, for example, be about sharing an underlying issue or insecurity that is bothering you) or just apologizing for your reaction and/or thanking him for being patient with you while you work on fixing that behavior.

By the way, I don’t mean for this to all sound as if you’re to blame for everything and apologizing for everything. I’m just going from the assumptions above.

When I personally deal with people who create drama, I really try not to reward the behavior. So I won’t necessarily fault the person, but I will give them an implicit choice between having my attention and having their drama. If they’re more interested in drama than my attention, then I stop interacting with them, and hope that they’ll figure it out someday.

I have a similar issue and would love to figure out the answer!

Nothing in a relationship is solely the responsibility of one party. You both need to change some things. Thinking it’s all on you is unhealthy and will never solve your problems.

@gimmedat I am so glad you are back on Fluther – for now at least.

Remember the old rule: Count to 10. Every situation can be delayed the few seconds it takes you to think before you act, then respond instead of react.

just think to yourself, at least thats what i do, is this worth the fight??? ( most of the time i am right about what we’re fighting ) and i am so honest with him, i hold nothing back about how I feel first of all and when i do not defend myself he usually has no mor weapons to attack me, do not missunderstand me tough, I don’t ignore the issues I let the issues ignore me

That sounds like a very small and manageable change to me. Good luck.

I honestly have the same problems with my boyfriend and although I am aware of it and I know things that I shouldn’t be saying but can never actually stop myself. I always apologize to him before or after the situation. Sometimes if I feel like its going to be a crappy day I tell him I’m sorry before hand so he knows I might be a little short with him and afterwards if I am aware of it I will apologize. Its good that you know what your doing is wrong but sometimes you just can’t change that about yourself. Good luck:)

Yes, just recently. After 3 years of trying to make comfortable Christmas holidays for my husband’s 3 teens, integrating them into my own family, I’m changing my ways. I told my husband he can take back the reins for entertainment ideas, shopping, gifting, cooking, decorating, etc. but that I’m going out of state to celebrate with my friends & relatives at Disneyland! You can’t make people welcome, interested or appreciative who are apathetic in the first place. It’s just a waste of good times.