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tocutetolive90's avatar

[NSFW] Why do I experience pain during intercourse? (look inside)

Asked by tocutetolive90 (888 points ) August 11th, 2010

Okay so when I have intercourse it hurts a lot when it goes in and the pain seems to never get better. Every time I do it the pain is there. I seem to never get wet and my gino can not figure out why. I’m on birth control so I don’t know if that’s stopping anything or what. I was thinking if I take muscle relaxers, it would make me loose and it would stop the pain. Anyone have any ideas on what I can do and if muscle relaxers would help….

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17 Answers

deni's avatar

Perhaps you are too tense and not ready before he enters you? Sometimes if I’m not really horny, it feels too tight when we start having sex and it continues to feel that way until I get comfortable. And if you aren’t wet enough that’s a whole nother ball game. I’ve found that if we try to substitute spit for natural lubrication, it just does not work. It’s not as smooth and doesn’t feel as good. And in general, the wetter you are, the more aroused you are, the less tense you’ll be….so maybe it all stems from that. More foreplay! Lots more!

tocutetolive90's avatar

It seems to be that we have to go for like 30 min foreplay for it not to hurt anymore and my boyfriend would rather like 10 mins of foreplay and then go…

softtop67's avatar

Nxt time he tells you 10 minutes is fine go get your largest dildo and put it in his arse he may then begin to see your point of view

deni's avatar

@tocutetolive90 what! no! i’m the same way and if my boyfriend was trying to rush me i would seriously tell him that if he does not have enough respect for me to wait until i’m ready to have sex then he can use his hand. and i have before, but now since we talked about it we’re on the same page. and it makes all the difference when it comes to sex. would he rather you were in pain and not enjoying it?

tocutetolive90's avatar

damn that’s a good answer. lol. I think the major prob is I don’t even get a little wet when we are making out and idk why. We stopped having sex lately just cause he doesn’t want to hurt me. it seems the things u would normally get wet over never makes me wet. like the wet glands or w\e it is doesn’t work…

lilikoi's avatar

@tocutetolive90

Um, you said that after 30 min everything works fine. Sounds like he is the problem, not you. Sounds like you need to be with someone that respects your needs.

wundayatta's avatar

Have you tried a lubricant?

MeinTeil's avatar

“Look inside”??

El_Cadejo's avatar

god damn it meinteil you beat me to it….

poofandmook's avatar

if you’re having an issue getting wet, get KY… I think I use just the normal plain stuff and it feels amazing. But keep a towel nearby for your hands.

and tell him to spend a little more time beforehand.. suspense makes the sex better.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

What is he doing to stimulate you?

shilolo's avatar

You might consider finding another doctor for evaluation of your dyspareunia. That said, you’ve gotten some good advice (longer foreplay, KY, communication) which you can try in lieu of another doctor.

janbb's avatar

Sometimes there can also be a problem between the size of the penis and the size of the vagina, in which case, foreplay and lubrication are even more important.

tocutetolive90's avatar

had a different title. but fluther made me change it 3 times

tocutetolive90's avatar

ok thanks guys

DrasticDreamer's avatar

Does the pain you experience feel like it’s inside of you, or simply around the opening? If it hurts inside (and trust me, the difference is obvious), it could be a sign of something else – like endometriosis, or possibly even PID (pelvic inflammatory disease). If lube doesn’t hurt and it still feels like you’re experiencing a deep kind of pain, talk to your doctor about the possibility of endo or PID.

lapilofu's avatar

Definitely try to persuade your boyfriend to go with the foreplay a little longer. Sex isn’t the only fun part—foreplay’s awesome too, so show him that. Make him enjoy it as much as you do.

(Also, I’ve heard that the longer your foreplay lasts, the longer intercourse will last.)

And definitely pick up a bottle of lube. It could be the birth control affecting your natural lubrication (so if you like, it might be worth talking to your doctor about it) or you could naturally be a little less wet than necessary. Either way, there’s no shame in using lube. Quite the opposite, in fact. A good knowledge of lube—and having it available—demonstrates a sophisticated understanding of sex.

If you’re using condoms, make sure the lube you get is compatible. Water-based and silicone-based lubes should be safe—anything else could potentially weaken the condom. Water-based lubes are a little less gross, but tend to evaporate more quickly. I highly recommend Liquid Silk. It’s water-based, but lasts for a while. Wet is also a popular brand that I’ve used and it’s pretty good too.

But as @DrasticDreamer said, if lube doesn’t help, you may have another issue, definitely worth discussing with a gyno. Find another doctor—at least for their opinion on this issue—if yours isn’t helpful.

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