Social Question

Eggie's avatar

(NSFW) How do you satisfy your partner?

Asked by Eggie (5159 points ) September 11th, 2013

It is clear to me now that I have a very serious problem, when coming to sex. My girlfriend and I tried to hit it off, but I became soft, again in the mix of things. She was upset, only at first but then she told me it was nothing and that it was OK. I believe that the problem is over masturbation and porn, which I am trying to quit cold turkey. Bottom line is, I want to know from you guys, especially you fellas who are married, how do you satisfy your woman and you women who are satisfied, can you share some secrets that your male partner has done, and if that embarrassing incident has ever occurred with your man before?

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36 Answers

DWW25921's avatar

I don’t have embarrassing incidents, I’m married. At least you have incidents bud. I digress… It takes two, you know. Arousing a guy is not really hard (pun intended) it’s a matter of effort and if you’re under stress and she’s not really trying it’s not going to happen. Her being “upset” tells me you’re under pressure. That’s not how it works. At least not for me.

You need to relax and she needs to try harder. My wife and I have the same problem. Sex is a joint venture and thus both parties should be actively involved. I would even go so far as to say this is more your girlfriends fault than yours. Yeah, I went there.

Eggie's avatar

No I dont think so DW. It has happened with other girls before so I really think its the porno and the masturbation. On a real though, this happens to you and you are happily married?

DWW25921's avatar

@Eggie Well sure! It’s a lot more common than guys would like to admit. I still say that if you relax a bit and be honest with your lady, (ask her to be more involved) you’ll have better success. Maybe porn and masturbation has something to do with it too but I wouldn’t put the blame on just you. Expectations are premeditated resentments you know. That means you feel that you should perform a certain way and you’re hard on yourself when it doesn’t happen causing yourself even more stress which only makes things worse. Been there, done that.

ucme's avatar

I have a large penis & hump like a shithouse door in a hurricane, this helps…a lot.

DWW25921's avatar

@ucme (awkward) Well than, good for you bud…

Mr Donkey dick must never find out I’m jelous…

ucme's avatar

@DWW25921 I could have pussy footed around with this, but felt it unnecessary.

zenvelo's avatar

So when my old tool isn’t working too well, I focus on her, and go to town with my tongue. And stay at it! And use fingers in ways she likes.

Eggie's avatar

@zenvelo Tried that dude, but she couldnt cum…..I tried the come hither motion and everything but she just wouldn’t explode. Sigh…..need help.

DWW25921's avatar

@Eggie They make vibrating ticklers for fingers and tongues. Maybe step it up a notch? They’re really not that expensive. What @zenvelo said sounded a little raunchy but to be honest it’s good advice and it’ll probably work.

Eggie's avatar

vibrators….ticklers? I don’t think so. She wouldn’t go for that. What I am more thinking of is like strategies that would make her really satisfied. She is a really tough cookie by the way, so it’s important to me.

DWW25921's avatar

I don’t want to sound like a circus freak but have you tried other toys like whips and handcuffs? Not that I have a favorite but…

https://www.google.com/search?q=cat+of+9+tails&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=zmQwUtClM4i02AXuz4D4Dw&ved=0CDkQsAQ&biw=1920&bih=977

I had to change the link the first one was bad.

Eggie's avatar

Lmao! Nope, don’t think I have. I am just concerned about my pecker being hard throughout the whole experience.

DWW25921's avatar

You should try it. :)

Eggie's avatar

Think I am going to try eating more celery, and sea snail soups. I definitely will try to stay away from the porno and masturbation.

rojo's avatar

Put the dishes in the dishwasher and turn it on without being asked every once in a while.

Oh, and help with the housework regularly. For some reason that turns her on.

Response moderated
rojo's avatar

There is always the Viagra route. I understand it is used quite frequently in colleges around the country so that you can get drunk as hell and still manage a stiffy.

creative1's avatar

How about doing some oral sex, I never experienced it going limp after being hard but sometimes a little oral helps get him hard quicker. You could both either take turns doing oral to each other or just do 69. Also try not over thinking it as well because both men and women alike can over think resulting in issues with either not maintaining an errection or getting to orgasm. You need to let the world go when getting into sex.

janbb's avatar

Oral sex as @creative1 says or manual manipulation but you have to do that right for her.

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livelaughlove21's avatar

My husband had this problem exactly once, and it was not pretty. He’d just gotten home from a long trip out of town for work. It was a long drive after a tiring week of training and he was exhausted. He got hard just fine, and then started to give me oral, which I’m actually not a fan of. However, I gave it a go. I went to pull him up after awhile and discovered that he was soft. Talk about a huge shot to my already minuscule ego. He swore that it was because he was exhausted and trying to concentrate on me. He was able to get it right back up, but the damage has been done. I haven’t allowed him to go down on me since.

Like I said, I don’t like receiving oral and I don’t like manual stimulation either. He can do everything right exactly like I tell him to and nothing will happen. It probably has a lot to do with my hang ups about my own body, which is a hard thing to overcome.

If he had problems getting it up, I’d just do without. I have a low libido, so it wouldn’t concern me much.

I think you’re problem is kind of like mine – you can’t just let go and stop thinking so much during sex. Pressure does not a hard dick make…or something like that.

Response moderated (Flame-Bait)
Response moderated (Flame-Bait)
KNOWITALL's avatar

Porn & masturbation stimulate the male visual sense so have her be a stripper. Porn should be a tool to watch with her.

Response moderated (Personal Attack)
Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I roll over and go to sleep. My s/o says it works wonders.

muppetish's avatar

[Mod Says]: Turn your flames off guys. Social will not harbour flame-baiting and personal attacks.

deni's avatar

Hey, will first of all, about trying to get her off….maybe she doesn’t need that. Men tend to think that women experience sex and orgasm exactly like them….“yeah it feels good but the climax is the orgasm.” Yes, orgasms are fantastic!!!! But for me, if sex is good, I do not need to orgasm. Especially not during sex. Personally, it takes a whole lot of effort for me to get myself off while I’m having sex. And while I’m trying, I’m not enjoying the good sex that I’m having. I’d rather lose myself in the moment than try to have an orgasm that I don’t really care about just because someone thinks because of porn or whatever that that happens easily for women. It may for some but it doesn’t for me. My boyfriend at first could not understand this and he even took it personally! After a lot of explaining he now gets it and things are much better. There is no pressure to experience sex in a different way than I naturally do. And I enjoy it, tons.

Also you should ask her what works for her….we aren’t all the same and if you’re basing things off porn you are probably realllly far off target. LIke @livelaughlove21 said, not all women love oral. I don’t care for it all that much. I like it, but I’d rather be giving oral than receiving it. It turns me on 10 times as much as receiving it does. Everyone is different and I think the only way to really find out is to ask.

Judi's avatar

@rojo has the winning answer. For women, the build up is more important than the act. Start courting her at noon if you want fireworks at midnight.

Headhurts's avatar

My partner satisfies me because I find him attractive and I love him, he also is pretty well endowed down there. He knows how to tease me and get me on the edge so that I am thrusting myself into him, as I can’t hold back any longer. There is no manual for this, it’s time and effort. Lack of patience will not work here. Explore each other, take time with each other.

Headhurts's avatar

My boyfriend has never gone soft on me, but we don’t have sex that much for him to I guess. We have intercourse probably once or twice a week and I give oral about one or twice a week. He has a low sex drive and I have a very very high one. I could masturbate 3 times a day quite easily.

My ex used to give me oral sex while using his fingers as well, that would drive me insane.

livelaughlove21's avatar

@Headhurts Bad insane or good insane?

…not sure why I’m asking.

FutureMemory's avatar

I got skillz, I ain’t gonna lie. I’ve never had a problem giving a woman oral to satisfy her. I have known a few that didn’t like oral, but they had sexual hang-ups to begin with, so there wasn’t really anything I could do to satisfy them, oral or otherwise.

Eggie you just need to put more time in with exploring what she likes. You both need patience, and you both need to relax with the expectations. Pressuring yourselves will get you nowhere, believe me.

Blondesjon's avatar

I don’t know if this answers your question or not but my Daddy, while in his cups, was always fond of asking, “Jon, do you know why women fake orgasms?”

I would shrug my shoulders and he would answer, “Because somewhere along the line somebody told them that men care.”

“Now go grab your old man another beer.”

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