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Ranimi23's avatar

How would you define sexual tension between two people and how to recognize or identify its exsitence on the other person?

Asked by Ranimi23 (1881 points ) September 8th, 2010

Sometimes you feel the existence of tension with another person you meet with him. Stress is not always explained, that don’t let you be who you really are, like you are forced to behave a bit differently.

The question is how to know the tension that you feel is necessarily sexual tension or maybe something else? You may know it yourself, but how can you know the other person is feeling the same as you? Are there any signs?

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12 Answers

SundayKittens's avatar

Body language and eye contact. Crucial.

Carly's avatar

Are you talking about negative sexual tension or good sexual tension. I always thought there could be both.

Ranimi23's avatar

@Carly , What is a negative sexual tension?
I did mean the positive, but the negative may be also interesting :-)

mamalis's avatar

As a person that’s had the pleasure/experience of much “sexual tension” in my day, I would have to begin by saying: you just generally know. You feel it in your own body; you feel a heightened sense of awareness and attraction; you feel nervous and excited. Unless this person is someone <way> ‘above’ you and simply and object of fantasy, usually if you are feeling it, it tends to be mutual. The same can be said of extreme like or dislike towards another. When we have a strong emotion of one kind or another, chances are the feeling is mutual. Bottom Line: Just tune in, are you fantasizing or is there true chemistry? You’ll know.

Ranimi23's avatar

@mamalis . you said it right, but How can you understand when it is just your brain fantasy and when it is reality happening to you and to the other person?

MissAnthrope's avatar

I’ve had a few times in my life where I’ve experienced true sexual tension without having any sort of discussion about it, and it was apparent to me after a bit of time that the feeling was mutual and not just in my head. As @mamalis said, when I felt it, I knew. That’s not to say I didn’t have some doubts as to whether I was imagining it, but it was palpable and impossible to ignore.

It was how I ended up falling in love with my first girlfriend (and vice versa). I was young and inexperienced, never had been in full-on love before, and at first I felt kind of guilty that I was having these feelings toward my good friend. I totally doubted my perception and feelings, but as time went on, it became more and more clear that I wasn’t alone in feeling this tension.

The only way to know for certain whether the other person feels the same is to ask them, or to feel them out in some way. I can only speak for myself, but the times when it was real, I was not imagining the tension between me and someone else, of course I doubted and questioned in the beginning, but as I said, with patience, over time, it became very apparent.

Everyone’s experiences may vary, though.. I think that I am an especially intuitive, empathetic person who is sensitive to various ‘energies’ in my environment and I tend to be really good at reading people. I have often allowed my imagination to get out of hand, to where I wonder, wrongly, if someone is more interested in me than they really are, but that is more a fantasy thing than correctly reading signs. When it comes to reading signs, or at the very least, something like sexual tension, my gut (intuition) guides me and I’m rarely wrong.

mamalis's avatar

I would say “fantasy” would be more towards.. rocks stars, teachers, bosses, etc. OR people you honestly have no ‘real’ relationship with, except the fantasy you’ve ‘imagined’ in your head. Miss Anthrope hit the key words: fantasy, real, reading people. IF you have a real relationship, IF you interact, and IF you ‘feel’ these things, its quite possibly a mutual thing. Be honest with yourself. Trust your instincts. And after that, the next step… is to ask. :)

nebule's avatar

It’s all in the face…and specifically eyes and mouth

lonelydragon's avatar

Follow your instincts. If you are seriously doubtful of their feelings, you may be projecting your interest onto the other person. But if you keep coming back to the thought that s/he is interested, then that’s probably the case. Remember, when judging cues of interest, context is important. For example, if a guy/gal acts nervous and/or giddy around you, but you always have a same sex friend with you, then s/he may actually be interested in the friend. But if s/he makes an effort to see you alone, then that’s a good sign.

As long as there are no obvious reasons not to pursue this person (i.e. s/he is married or is your boss), then don’t wait too long to send out signs of interest. Otherwise, s/he might conclude you’re not interested in and move on.

Marva's avatar

As an attractive woman, I have more than once experienced men who confused to think I was attracted to them too, when there was nothing further from the truth. I think it is because men are much less picky: If a man was asked to point out who he would sleep with out of 100 random women, he would proabbly point out at least 40, if it was a woman, maybe 5, or even less. So you could be way off-base to think she is attracted to you too…

On the other hand, sometimes, when two people meet, there is just this something in the air that is so strong, even other people around them can feel it. That one, is always mutual. Possible signs are: A lot of smiling, blushing, head-tilting, eye contact, laughing, “random” touch and physical closeness

If you are not sure how the other side feels, just ask.

Carly's avatar

@Ranimi23 I guess when I think of the word “tension” I think of uneasiness. The kind of thing you’re talking about didn’t sound like a positive thing when you used the word.

I would call it awkwardness, because a person isn’t too uncomfortable, if at all. They’re just naturally very excited and emotionally stimulated, so things may feel unstable (or “tense”) because it’s so different from their normal daily feelings.

logansrun's avatar

I think women are more perceptive and in-tune with recognizing sexual tension. But with time and experience, men can become more perceptive. I remember several times long ago where I was completely clueless about recognizing a woman’s sexual attraction toward me until I was finally knocked over the head by it.

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