Would a marriage proposal feel any less special if your SO offered a ring you knew they had offered someone else before?

I don’t think traditionally with regard to marriage or a proposal. The ring is still just a token and an expensive one at that. If you buy a ring and end up not using it for whatever reason, you’ll never get what you paid for it out of it. So, no, I don’t feel that it would be less special than one bought especially for your intended.

I wouldnt.

YES! I’d rather have a ring from a cracker than one that belonged to an ex. It would feel very impersonal and that they had made no effort on getting me a ring that would symbolise our union.
You would also have to wear that second-hand, handed down ring for as long as you’re together. I’d rather have a cheap alternative, one that was at least bought with me in mind,

Aside: I am not married nor do I ever plan to, but this question made me realize… it’d be kick ass if a woman proposed to me.

If it had been in the family for generations it wouldn’t bother me. If it had been bought specifically for the other girl I think I would have a little tizzy fit.
@Rufus_T_Firefly Are you a guy?

Well, considering I’m male and for some reason females don’t feel obligated to buy us outrageously expensive jewelry, I might not be the right one to answer.

But in any case, if someone gave me a gift that I knew had originally been intended for someone else, I wouldn’t particularly mind. Especially if I found the gift to be appealing.

I’d take a bubble-gum ring over a “used” one any day. But, I know enough about my Hunny to understand that he would never “reuse” a ring bought for another woman. And I also know that he has never been this close with another. SO, it would bother me, but I’m not worried about it happening ^.^

My feelings are these:

*If the ring belonged to an ex then they weren’t the right fit- maybe I am. I’d probably ask for a new setting to show off the stone as a reflection of the new relationship though.

*If the ring came from a pawn shop then it’s looking for a good home, kind of like a shelter animal. It will be loved and cherished for the right wearer.

*If the ring is a family heirloom then that’s a gift of history and an honor to be part of it.

That said, my ex husband and I used to own a jewelry making studio and a large part of our business was re working old engagement/wedding rings into new pieces for new partners or into non engagement/wedding jewelry like making stones from a ring into earrings or a pendant or bracelet charms. A beautiful piece of quality jewelry will always be appreciated and shown to advantage by the right wearer.

A second hand ring from a pawn shop, or relative from a previous generation whos marriage did not end in divorce would be acceptable….

A ring meant for an ex…no way! I’d rather have NO ring!

Hmmm. I think I’d prefer not to be regifted. I don’t want to give a man anything from my previous relationships, baggage wise. That would include jewelery, but I’m not always a rational, reliable source.

@Judi – Yes, Judi, I’m a very hetero and taken guy. But, I have strong opinions on the subject and I’m lucky enough to have a beautiful S/O who also thinks that diamonds and trinkets are a waste of resources and money. Not that she doesn’t have any, they’re just not critical to the relationship. I also had two very friends who suffered the wrath of their small-minded S/O’s for this very lame reason. It shouldn’t even be an issue if you love someone.

Ring, schming. Who cares about that fucking thing?

Edit: I guess if he told you that, “This was my ex-finacee’s ring, but… here you go,” then I’d question why I wanted to marry a total freaking idiot. Otherwise… it’s a ring; isn’t it pretty.

Definitely not cool to get a ring intended for an ex. Why would I want to wear something presumably for the rest of my life that you bought while in love and planning a future with someone else? It’s not something like a house or a car that has functions beyond something you did with someone else. I don’t care if it’s an expensive ring, but I do care that you took the time to pick something especially for me.

I guess, all in all, it would depend on the context. An heirloom is one thing. Even using the diamond from an ex-fiance’s ring and putting it in a new setting is OK. What isn’t OK is if the guys said something like, “My ex and I looked for hours to find the perfect ring for her! Isn’t it pretty?”
I remember when my fiance (now husband) were ring-searching. He kept leaning toward these big, what I considered gaudy rings. However, I showed him what MY style was. I was totally amazed with what he eventually came up with, on his own!

A ring that was intended for an ex is not ok with me, however, family heirloom is a beautiful gesture and I would love if a man gave me a ring that had an important history. The bottom line is, I wouldn’t care if he got it at Tiffany’s or in a cracker jack box, it needs to mean something, and he needs to have taken the time to consider my feelings and taste. Reusing a ring from an ex is not a good way to symbolize the beginning of our marriage.

There is nothing I can think of that would guarantee that any loose diamond was not worn before. Even Pawn shops buy and resell loose diamonds and swap out gems on rings all the time!! I wouldn’t sweat the details and simply have a new setting made that is all yours!

If money is that tight but you love the guy you could always do a simple band now and trade in his earlier purchase later to have a ring made that you would prefer.

If the diamond was reset or if it were bought from a pawn shop or other source, no problem.

If it were a ring, the same one not re-done, that was offered to an ex then yes I think it would be “tainted” emotionally. I would prefer, as someone else said, a ring that was bought from the dollar store that was for me and a symbol of our love together vs. something that carried all that baggage.

Now if it were a family heirloom ring that had been offered before that is a bit of another story.

Other than a family heirloom, yes. My husband took a lot of time choosing the ring he thought was just right for me – he couldn’t find one and ended up helping design one. Even then he sent it back three times to get it perfect and had to push back the proposal because of it.

If I thought the ring was something he put that much thought into over another woman, I would always consider that her ring whether she accepted it or not.

@Cruiser I think the issue here is not the diamond itself…it’s the setting.Really, a diamond is a diamond is a diamond. When women look at rings, they’re looking more at the setting than anything else.

@Supacase that is cool! My husband spent a lot of thought on my ring too. We had the shop, and I had noticed Jim, who was our customer, but also a local jeweler, had been hanging around the shop more than normal. After Rick gave me the ring I said, “So THAT’S why Jim has been skulking around for the last month!” And, looking back, they both were giving me decidedly “unmanly” glances. I could almost swear they were giggling!

I see this, this way: one ring for one ring finger only. why start the marriage on the wrong foot, by offering the same ring to someone different? I, personally, would consider this a “slap in the face” and totally unacceptable. why would a person do such a thing anyway. i say its bad business from the get-go. i, myself, would feel like i was second best and so would my fiance. nope. new fiance….....new ring.

If it had been intended for an ex? No way. It’s one thing to use the same stone, which I would completely understand. But, the same exact ring would really upset me, honestly.

The ring I offered (on my kness, of course) had been my great-grandmothers and the stone (2 ct) dated from the 1700’s. I had gotten it from my mother who had been prodding me to propose to this delightful lady. I was afraid she would reject me. The night before we had “intimate relations” for the first time. We’d been together 4½ years. I made her breakfast, brought it to her in bed with a white rose (our symbol) and the ring on the tray. Veux-tu m’epouser? About a dozen tearful “ouis” and “je t’aimes” later… Needless to say the breakfast was quite cold by the time we got around to thinking about eating. We were wed 6 months later, my mother in an ecstacy of planning everthing.

I can see how a woman in that position might feel like she were being given something used, however I would also like to think that if she were truly in love, it would be something she could easily overlook. The ring not being new is a superficial thing compared to the love between two people, right?

@FlipFlap
Of course the love is more important but that should be equally so for the man am I not correct? The women have said they wouldn’t mind getting a .25 ring as a token of said love. That shows they are open to the love. But for a man to somehow think it is appropriate to re-gift the same ring, that has little to do with love and more to do with poor decision making. IMO.

My boyfriend has a ring he had given to his now ex-fiance and he told me he wouldn’t dream of giving it to me (even though he spent a ridiculous amount on it). I don’t share his view though. It is a beautiful diamond, and I could make it my own with a special band just for me. To me, the thought would be the same, and I love him enough that I wouldn’t want him to spend a fortune just so I could have my own “special” diamond. I want HIM for life, not a diamond. I can understand why many people don’t share this view, but I think the fact that he wants to share his life with me is more important than a ring.

I’d be fine with wearing a ring that was passed down generation to generation. I’d probably be ok with it coming from a pawn shop (if it was antique or vintage). I would never be okay wearing a ring that was meant for my guy’s ex. Not cool.

@stranger_in_a_strange_land What a charming story. Thank you for sharing it.

@Val123 Which is why I suggested…“I wouldn’t sweat the details and simply have a new setting made that is all yours!”

@FlipFlap How would you feel if your girl friend gave you a present that turned out to be an expensive, brand-new looking leather jacket she had gotten for her ex because he just fell in love with it when he saw it. And said this jacket was a token of her love for you, and expected you to wear it every day…..but hey. It’s only the love that counts, right?

@Cruiser that’d be cool! It would at least show some serious consideration for the woman’s feelings.

I’m just curious, but can anyone out there tell a used diamond from a new one? And… how many times do you think that particular diamond you just bought for your S/O has been sold as a ‘new’ one?

@Rufus_T_Firefly Again, I don’t think the issue would be the literal diamond…it would be the setting surrounding the diamond.

@Rufus_T_Firefly I would say it doesn’t matter if it is used. It is matter who in particular it is intended for.

@RedPowerLady – I’d have to disagree. It does matter if you’re the poor sap who has to pay a month’s salary or more to cover the full market price for a used diamond. This is the clever ruse the DeBeers company has intentionally pulled on most of the people living on this planet. They were able to take practically worthless stones and turn them into expensive, must-have and overly-coveted items. It kind of makes you wonder how people signified their love and commitment before diamonds became such a popular fad? Sorry, I really didn’t mean to go this far off-topic.

@Rufus_T_Firefly Well in this thread in particular most of the women have said they would take a token .25 cent ring. So the diamond isn’t particulary what is in question but rather the history behind the ring itself.

Having said that I would have to agree with you that “It kind of makes you wonder how people signified their love and commitment before diamonds became such a popular fad?”
In fact I’ve always told my partner I don’t care for diamonds and prefer beautiful stones in terms of jewelry (not that we buy jewelery really but just so he doesn’t get any ideas about spending half a paycheck on something I wouldn’t appreciate much anyway, well besides the thought behind it).

@RedPowerLady Yeah, I’d rather have a nice antique of some kind to display in the house than a diamond any day! (Except my wedding ring. I Iike my wedding ring!)