Social Question

zen_'s avatar

Relationship question (oy): Can you love someone, feel loved by them, and even in love with them - yet still feel so alone?

Asked by zen_ (6268points) October 12th, 2010

Hey, it’s a hypothetical.

Not only newbie teens can ask relationship questions – get off my case.

What say you, smarty pants.


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31 Answers

Cruiser's avatar

Yep! Nothing smarty about my pants…just being real!

chyna's avatar

Yes. Love can be lonely.

Seaofclouds's avatar

Absolutely. We all go through ups and downs and sometimes things are so hectic in our life that we just feel alone.

bob_'s avatar


zen_'s avatar

Could be setting in.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Sure if you’ve ever been in love with an addict of any sort.

funkdaddy's avatar

I don’t think this necessarily means you’re depressed or there’s some short coming in the other party.

I remember feeling really lonely one Christmas night when I was growing up. It was one of those magical days where the whole thing just went perfectly, my family was all together and happy and I just didn’t want to go to bed. I didn’t know how to move on from that great moment to the next day which was probably not going to be as good. I felt alone despite feeling extremely close to my family, I just wasn’t sharing that moment with anyone.

Occasionally I’ll run into something similar in my relationship. Either there’s something changing or I’m experiencing something that she and I don’t share for whatever reason. Even if I talk to her about it, it’s mine to work through and that can make me feel lonely even though she’s right there and would do anything to help. It’s not a question of love.

Or, on a lighter note, it usually lets me know I’m thinking too much and it’s time to find something to keep my mind busy for a while.

zen_'s avatar

Really GA @funkdaddy


Hawaii_Jake's avatar

You’re never alone. Truly.

zen_'s avatar

I’m guessing Michael?

zen_'s avatar

I was way off.

faye's avatar

I remember sitting in my living room after everyone was asleep and watching blizzards howl down my street feeling very alon and lonely. My personality, probably.

perspicacious's avatar

What is oy?

I would say no, not unless you are burdened by something which you have not shared with your loved one or it’s something that just has had a bigger impact on you than on him/her. If the relationship is all it can be, you will not feel alone.

InkyAnn's avatar

This question really hit close to home with me. I love my boyfriend more then life itself (I know I shouldnt say that), I feel the love from him and by him everyday, from the moment I wake up and see a “good morning beautiful, Im at work now, I love you so much” text every morning to him not being able to sleep unless his body is some how touching mine. And over a year later I still get butterflys in my tummy everyday when he comes home from work so I know im in love with him…. but when all is quiet and settled down or when I have some time to myself… I feel alone, in the world, in my life… im not depressed, I couldnt be happier and wouldnt want my life any other way, its just the feeling I get.

augustlan's avatar


Deja_vu's avatar

Totally :(

hobbitsubculture's avatar

Yes. There are different types of loneliness. Being in a relationship doesn’t make anyone immune to all of them.

zen_'s avatar

@Inked_up_chic Thanks for that – you know why – cuz that’s what she’s talking about – and we guys – we’re very different. Very, very different. I love her and all – but I do not feel that way. Ever.

Care to discuss it? We could go into inter-personal relationships from a personal perspective here.

@wundayata – you’re invited too – I’m gonna “share” the question over to you.

Auggie et al – jump in if you feel like it.

InkyAnn's avatar

@zen_ Id love to, pm me when ever you feel like discussing it, im always an open book, lifes too short to have “secrets” ^_^

bob_'s avatar

@Inked_up_chic So, what color of panties you wearin’ how’s the weather? ~

InkyAnn's avatar

@bob_ I dont wear any a lil chilly…its fall…

Aster's avatar

Yeah, if they have a distant personality or are gone most of the time.

aprilsimnel's avatar

No matter how much you love someone, and they you, there are just some things you can’t share with them, given that you’re separate individual egos. Perceptions, feelings, and the like. Those can only be individually experienced. That loneliness we feel even though we’re among others we love is that existential thing we all get sometimes. I don’t think there’s anything to be done about it, and it ebbs and flows like anything else.

zen_'s avatar

@bob_ and @Inked_up_chic – kiss.i.n.g – first comes fluther, then comes marriage…

InkyAnn's avatar

@zen_ LMFAO!!! thats great ^_^

zen_'s avatar

;-) Thought you’d get a chuckle…

bob_'s avatar

@zen_ She has been informed that, in order to get the _ designation, she has to step up the funny.

wundayatta's avatar

It has happened to me. After I had been married for a decade or something happened, and we stopped “connecting,” whatever that is. For me, I experienced it as a distancing that made me question whether I was truly loved, or whether the love was somehow conditional.

I loved her before that, and I loved her during that time, and I still love her. I can’t really imagine ever being the live-in lover of anyone else. It seems pointless.

Yet, there was a distance between us that made me question things. Did she really love me? If so, why were things so hard? Why weren’t we making love more than a few times a year? Where did this come from?

It was extremely painful, and in response to that and in response to a few other things, I literally went crazy. Got mentally ill.

As I have worked on getting better, I’ve also been working on my relationship and somehow we have managed to stay together. Our therapist says that’s actually pretty unusual. But we really love each other. She loves me enough to be willing to work through infidelity, and I love her enough to work on it just as diligently. I also, odd as it may sound, love her enough to be willing to work on myself, to try to get back to mental health. It would have been so easy, at times, to let go… let go of her, of the kids, of my home, my job and, eventually, I thought, my life.

All that was about loneliness. Not feeling like your lover is connecting with you, and you can no longer share who you really are with her. That’s loneliness. It’s worse than being uncoupled and being lonely because you are supposed to be connected because you are in love and yet, somehow, there is a disconnection.

@zen_ On the suckitude scale, it’s pretty much off the charts. Sometimes it hard to distinguish from a very deep depression. At least, for me, the two go hand in hand. If there’s no one who loves me, I really feel like my life is totally pointless. But that’s my struggle.

Ok, you numbskull—you’ve gone and made me all verklempt and sad. See what you done? ;-) This is deep shit.

InkyAnn's avatar

@bob_ and @zen_ yes, like I said to bob i now have a goal in life…I will have one one day!!

zen_'s avatar

@wundayatta you had me at verklempt. I read it backwards.

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