General Question

wundayatta's avatar

[NSFW] Where does your aesthetic of sex come from?

Asked by wundayatta (58638points) October 20th, 2010

I had a difficult time trying to think through what I mean by this, so I hope this makes sense. I think there are a lot of aspects to sexual enjoyment or dislike. There are a lot of balances going on in the way we think about our sexual experiences.

For example, some people think there need be no nexus between the act of sex and the feeling of love. Others think the two are inseparable. For some people sex is a very physical act—almost a competitive event at the Olympics. Others it’s about emotions and the physical side almost doesn’t matter.

Then there is the idea of sex as art. It is best when done by people whose bodies are perfect. For a man, he might get highly excited because the woman he is with has perfect lines and firmness and facial features for him. Women, likewise, might really get turned on by the particular physique of a man.

Brains enter into it. How creative is sex for you? Do you play games? Do different things every time? Or is the same old same old just fine for you?

Ok, so that’s the aesthetic side of it. But it’s not the main thing I’m interested in. What I want to know, once you’ve figured out what your aesthetic is (which you should describe), is where you think it came from. Was it a result of some childhood experience, either traumatic or happy? Was it informed by movies and pictures? If perfection is important, perhaps the notion of perfection came from air-brushed photos of women found in magazines and porn videos and whatnot. Are conversations with friends the first thing that leaps to mind? Is the first source you think of something else?

Of course, the source of your aesthetic probably comes from a number of places, but whatever leaps to mind first, and maybe second or third—that’s all (ha ha) I ask of you.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

9 Answers

Blackberry's avatar

Essentially, you’re asking why I like the physique that I do? I do not even know why I like a wide variety of female figures. Well….I like the same figure: a coke bottle shape with a large hip to waist ratio, but I like the figure whether it is a 150lb woman or a 250lb woman.

I think one factor is the type of women I grew up around. My mother was bigger, so was my grandmother, and aunts. I lost my virginity to a plus size woman and that also manifested it. I did switch up and try a smaller woman (she was like 100lbs), but it solidified my feeling about big women because I didn’t enjoy the sex with the small woman.

I don’t get creative with sex, I do different positions and different strokes/thrusts, but that’s not creative to me, that’s just sex.

Thammuz's avatar

Whoa that’s a lot of questions.

I assume this answer is going to be disappointingly short, because i really don’t know. I might speculate though.

First of all: what my aestethic is. I find sex to be both extremely emotional and extremely physical; I find it extremely hard to picture sex without passion and without its physical manifestation. It’s kinda competitive but in that rival-friends sort of way where you both do your best because you both enjoy the game, rhather than to assert one’s dominance over the other. It’s also primarily a selfless act, i’m in it to make my partner feel good and she is there to make me feel good, not each for themselves.

Sex as art. That’s, oddly enough, something my girlfriend once said, that sex is artistic in itself, not for the result but for how it’s made (she’s a fan of abstract painting and she once said she can’t picture herself painting without getting messy), which again is physical and emotional at the same time. It doesn’t really matter how perfect someone is but rather how sexual her behaviour is (within reason).

The brains part is absolutely, without exception, the most important. As i already said the suggestive behaviour is an important factor because it conveys the desire to have sex, which is where the brain kicks in. From that point on imagination is the end-all/be-all factor, it keeps the sex fresh and varied and most of all sets the mood, which is crucial.

Where did it get it from? I don’t know. Probably a mix of porn, manga, hentai, personal fantasies, my own personal pervy nature, my own personal romanitic nature and cheese. Why cheese? because you never know.

MeinTeil's avatar

Gothic culture and literature.

syz's avatar

I suspect that my “sex aesthetic” was strongly influenced by the reading I did as I grew up. I was a very solitary child, and spent a tremendous amount of time reading anything that I could get my hands on. That also included my mother’s bodice rippers, but luckily that hasn’t seemed to have left me with ideals of “turgid members” and “quivering flesh adorned with pearls of passion” (gagging sounds).

I suppose I had pretty traditional southern-white-middle-class aesthetic when I married just out of college. But when I divorced, I went through a recovery/discovery period where I had to re-build my self esteem and sense of worth. In the process of self exploration and growth, I also experimented with sexuality (the details of which are too personal for a forum such as this). As a result, I would now say that I am probably fairly far out on the bell curve of “normal” sexual practices, but still nowhere near the extreme ends.

I suppose my personal philosophy of sexuality at this point in my life is that I’m pretty open-minded about experimentation and base my choices on what feels right to me, rather than what would be considered “normal”. I’m also at a point where I consider sex associated with a loving relationship really the only sex worth having. On a more prosaic note, my sex life is now determined largely by the tastes and/or limitations of my partner’s own aesthetics.

Thammuz's avatar

@syz On a more prosaic note, my sex life is now determined largely by the tastes and/or limitations of my partner’s own aesthetics.

Same here, unfortunately.

gailcalled's avatar

I am turned on by men who use words like “nexus.”

JustmeAman's avatar

I don’t have a sex life and haven’t for a couple of years now because my wife has been very ill. Though I am a believer in the love and emotional bond before sex is an issue. I think my views on sex have come from my up bringing and morals of our community. I have never had sex with a woman that I was not married too.

Joybird's avatar

It’s funny but I feel like I can answer this question in a very short paragraph…almost one sentence. Erotic Mysticism seems to convey the whole of my sexual aesthetic. I have always felt sex to be an out pouring of emotional intimacy whether that be through a matter of hours or decades long interaction with another person. I am a hedonist in that the experience is all about being in the moment with your five senses and enshrouding someone else in a desire to join with them in spirit. The effects to me are the same….healing and union with the one.
I am not consumed on the appearance of the other beyond “chemistry” that is a biological combination of pheromones, facial similarity, facial symmetry and proximity. It doesn’t matter whether the partner be fat or thin, tall or short, bald or a knuckle dragging throw back, or whether they have some visible or mental condition that would be considered disability. It is about what I intuit is within their heart….erotic mysticism.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

A rebellious desire to explore for myself and prove wrong everything pitched to me by family, what little there was. I was sure I could find a way to experience sex along with love as something bonding, spiritual even healing. This has always been my want and approach to sex and I can say I’ve gotten it my way most of the time. I did get spoiled to the point where if the sex wasn’t up my alley then I wouldn’t invest further in the person.

Answer this question

Login

or

Join

to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
or
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther