Social Question

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

How much have you helped your grown children financially? Grown children, how much have your parents helped you?

Asked by ANef_is_Enuf (26839points) November 1st, 2010

Curious to know how common it is.
Other topics on Fluther have had this stirring in my head for a while, but I am really curious to know how many parents are still helping (or did help) their 18–30 (or potentially older than that) year old children financially.

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17 Answers

Seaofclouds's avatar

My mom helped me a lot after my ex-husband walked out and left me with a 10-month-old. She helped with watching my son so I could work and buying things I needed for him if I couldn’t afford them. She never had to help pay any of my bills though.

I’ve helped her out at times as well (like buying her a new washer and dryer when hers quit working and she didn’t have the money right away to buy new ones).

We don’t keep a running tab of what we’ve done for each other and have never loaned each other money. We both know that we would help the other if we needed it and could afford to do it.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

My parents have always helped me financially and continue to do so to this day. I can always count on my mother to lend me money and she knows I will always pay it back. If I told her how difficult things are for me, she’d give me her last penny, I know that.

trailsillustrated's avatar

my mum loaned me money when I was in college and I always paid it back. She also watched my twins for me sometimes.

aprilsimnel's avatar

Once I started working at 16, I paid for all my own school clothes, supplies and whatever else I needed. I pitched in with food money and whatever I could for rent if asked. Once I left for uni at 18, my guardian no longer financially supported me.

muppetish's avatar

I still live at home with my parents. They are providing me with a bed to sleep in, food, and utilities (including my mobile) without charge. On occasion, either parent can be prompted to give me a lift to places other than the bus stop as I still do not drive. They continue to cover any medical needs, too.

My academic expenses are paid in full by the government (including my bus pass, textbooks, and on-campus eating.) When I apply for graduate school, I will no longer qualify as a dependent and will have to figure out my financial arrangements. It is likely that my parents will offer to help cover the costs, but I don’t want to rely on them for it.

Both of my brothers also live at home. My older brother is employed full-time and saving to buy a car. For the time being, my dad has been taking him to and from work. Sometimes I wonder how they put up with providing so much for us, but I think it is because they are not ready for us to leave the house yet.

For context, my younger brother is nearly twenty, I am twenty-one, and our older brother will be twenty-five in a few weeks. Each of us attends / has graduated university.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

A few years ago I asked my mother to leave her homestate where she was renting and to come to my state in order to buy a house I would finance. I asked her to do this so we could both secure a future investment, have a roof over our heads that wouldn’t be threatened by rent increases or evictions and it also made it possible for me to leave a bad relationship and not be out on the stree. She did all this more for me than for her.

cookieman's avatar

My daughter is still a munchkin, so she doesn’t count – but my nephew moved in with us when he was 17 and stayed seven years (through college and beyond). We helped him a lot. He lived rent free; we bought all the food; paid for his books a few times; bailed out his bills a few times; and gave him spending money occasionally.
———-
When I was 15, my folks cut me off financially except for living expenses. So I got a job and bought all my own clothes, books, car insurance, etc. I covered all my own expenses in college including tuition.

I never saw a dime from them again.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

@cprevite similar story here, actually. I took in my sister for a long period, as well as a grown cousin that needed a hand getting on their feet. Paid for everything, did what we could to keep them afloat.

In the same respect, my parents have bailed me (and at times, my husband and I) at times when things got really rough.

YARNLADY's avatar

My parents were always there for me. They paid for my first year of college, and would have paid the rest if I asked.

I am currently helping my son and his wife out since he is unemployed. Two of my adult grandkids live with me while they are looking for work.

phaedryx's avatar

My parents gave me some money when I lost my job and out of work for a while. However, they had me pay my way through college, make my own car payments, etc. Basically, they only have given me money when I’ve absolutely needed it.

JLeslie's avatar

When I first moved away on my own after college, during the first year or so, I had a few months out of work, and my dad sent me $1,000. Since then my parents have given me money as gifts, birthday, anniversary, etc, but none of it is necessary money.

I don’t know if you want to count this, my parents paid for my college education. Also, when I first moved after college, my grandma gave me money to take the autotrain.

cookieman's avatar

@JLeslie: Speaking as someone who worked almost full-time through five years of college to pay my own tuition, I’d say paying for your tuition counts.

JLeslie's avatar

@cprevite In my family it would not count, but I understand for some people it would. One of the things important to me when I was dating my husband, was that his parents paid for his education, I never wanted to have to argue with my husband about paying for school for our possible future children.

Pandora's avatar

Well since we are still helping our daughter with her college loan, I guess I will probably be helping her till she is 35 or has gotten and awesome job and can afford to make the whole payment herself.

Sarcasm's avatar

My parents agreed to pay for all 3 of us to go to school to a California public college (If we wanted a private, or out-of-state, we’d have to make up the difference in cost with loans or otherwise).
My sister went to, and I’m still going to, Community College, which is a lot cheaper than a university. Also we get financial aid because my dad sustained service-related injuries.

jrpowell's avatar

When I was 15 I lived with my sister who was pregnant and on welfare. Mom was in jail and dad was dead. I got SSI. I pretty much knew I wasn’t going to college. So I worked shitty jobs and sold weed until I was 24 and Financial Aid kicked in.

Jeruba's avatar

My parents did not help me at all as an adult. It was all they could do to cover their own needs. I was on my own from the time I dropped out of college (on full scholarship) as a junior, got a job, and moved into an apartment. When I went back to school four years later and got my degree, I was paying.

In her later years I sent my mother money regularly, paid for various special needs, and bought her a car. She was basically getting by on my late father’s social security. She died with nothing, not even enough to pay for burial. That’s one of my worst nightmares.

My husband’s parents gave us a handsome check several years running when they needed to reduce their taxable income, and that helped us pay off the mortgage. We also borrowed money from them when we added onto the house, but paid it back as fast as possible. The main thing they did was leave substantial investments when they passed away, including an allotment for their grandchildren’s education. That put one of my sons through college and law school.

We took care of my older son’s expenses until he got a job, and we made him a sizeable loan at his request to help him get through bar study, buy a car, and get started in his own place. Now he’s repaying us monthly.

My younger son is still at home with us, so we’re covering his expenses while he sorts things out.

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