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chickoo's avatar

Should I accept my ex-girlfriend's friend request?

Asked by chickoo (61points) November 14th, 2010

Let me tell you some background between us first:

1. We broke up and it was a very rough break up.
2. A couple weeks later, I moved to another town for nearly a year, because of a job opportunity. However, we still communicated through the internet for approximately 6 months (despite the rough break up).
3. When she came into my city approximately 6 months after we broke up, we hung out a little bit. After about a week, she left to go back home, and then she told me that she was a bitch and then blocked and cut off all communication.
4. I recently got a friend request from her
5. I’m scheduled to move to a close town in the old city because of my promotion

Now, here’s the thing. If I do add her, I know that we’ll talk a little, and I do have some pent up emotions for her. I’ll probably do something I’ll regret.

It might just be a friendly truce, but I don’t want to see the dudes she’s been fucking lately.

Yet, I do miss her company and whatnot. I would like to accept her invitation, but yet, I’m fearful of starting up another truckload of bullshit. (She was a lot of baggage) I’m also worried I’m not completely over her, and I’ll start crushin’ on her again and do something stupid. And then the cycle begins again.

I only see bad things coming from this logically, but emotionally, I want to add her again.

She was my second serious relationship, and I had only a couple “flings” during the time we spent apart. Nothing serious though.

I’d like to be friends, but I do believe it will be hard.

By friend request, I refer to facebook.

What is your opinion on this, Flutherites?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

20 Answers

BarnacleBill's avatar

Based on what you’ve said here, it’s not in your best interests to friend her. You seem to be doing a good job of moving ahead with your life, and she’s only going to clutter things up.

Stay the course, and trust your gut feeling.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

A wise person once told me that, if in doubt, do not do it. It seems like that advice applies here. It sounds as if your emotions are still vunerable. Why not just send her a private message to let her know that you aren’t ready yet to rekindle a relationship of any type at this point, but aren’t closing the door? If she truly cares, she’ll understand.

truecomedian's avatar

It has a lot to do with you. A lot, close to 100%, but of course there can’t be an absolute here. It’s up to you because that’s the part you can control the most, and your gonna need self control if your dealing with a girl you got history with. I say go for it, based on the youness I picked up from your question, you don’t need to always keep an eye on the backdoor, but just don’t forget it’s there. Good luck.

Winters's avatar

I wouldn’t, from personal experience, it ends up painful, whether just a constant headache or heartbreak all over again.

Get over her and move on, from what you’ve said here, she’s clearly caused you enough pain, don’t be masochistic about it.

chickoo's avatar

@Pied_Pfeffer a message containing a “fuck you” would probably be in my worst interests

BarnacleBill's avatar

You don’t have to say “Fuck You.” You can say, “You know, we’ve tried this “friend” thing before, and it hasn’t exactly worked out the way being friends is supposed to. My life is going in a good direction right now, and I’m not exactly sure what your place would be in it. I’m not the same person I was a year ago. Let me think about it for awhile. Hope things are well with you.”

chyna's avatar

Why would you want to put yourself through that again when you know what will happen? Don’t friend her, don’t speak to her. You do not have to give her any reason that you do not want to friend her. Your mental health is much more important than giving this blood sucker any of your attention.

wundayatta's avatar

You’re asking for trouble if you friend her. But maybe that’s what you want?

KhiaKarma's avatar

I agree with @truecomedian know what you’re getting yourself into. Sounds like you want to do something “that (you’ll) regret”. If you need a voice of reason there are several great posts above. Bottom line, you’re gonna do what you wanna do. What type of life do you want right now? Do you want some fimiliarity in the town you’ll be moving to? (but is familiarity always good? i don’t think so) Do you want DRAMA? If yes, do it. Whatever. But if you don’t want a drama filled life, move on and make new memories.

Can you just add her, but not hang out with her until you see how things go from a distance? Email/Message for awhile or something like that?

HungryGuy's avatar

I’d say go ahead and friend her. Maybe you can get in her pants again. Just don’t let yourself get emotionally attached to her again, or she’s going to fuck your life up again.

The_Inquisitor's avatar

I don’t think it’s safe to accept her friendship yet. If you still have feelings for her, then I think it’s best that you wait until your feelings for her are only that of friends.

josie's avatar

Why does it seem so tough for people these days to move on? You should move on.

skfinkel's avatar

Nope, nope, nope, let her go. She has already shown you who she is, and she was not your “friend.”

chickoo's avatar

Thanks y’all.

I guess I just needed some reinforcement.

I don’t even have any amicable feelings anymore, so it would probably only cause some trouble!

truecomedian's avatar

Yarnlady speakith thy truth, she has put her foot down, she has a 50/50 chance at being right, so I say, maybe. Actually if you factor in the age of the woman in her avatar, and multiply that by their collective wisdom… Just kidding. Woman are designed to cause us trouble, and a root of that trouble comes from the school of thought that says they should let men dominate them, I go the egalitarian way, but I can still be a pig with the rest of them.

100408's avatar

Ii Say let Her Go.Don’t bother on even thinking it twice.If your douting it don’t even try it.

truecomedian's avatar

I accepted my ex’s friend request and it gave me the oppurtunity to say a few things to her that I needed to say. Since it was my fault we broke up, I felt good about her accepting me as a friend, and for giving me the chance to say, “I messed up, you gave me many chances, it wasn’t your fault, thanks for talking to me despite my mistakes” Gave me some closure. Good friends are hard to find and sometime we can entertain bad relationships for us out of lonliness.

jnru06's avatar

do it and if it was a bad decision un-friend her its not that hard of a decision

stop bein such a little bitch. no wonder she broke up with you

sack up and make your own decisions

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