Social Question

Deja_vu's avatar

Ever thought you knew a friend so well, but they weren't what they seemed?

Asked by Deja_vu (4157points) November 18th, 2010

Have you ever had a dear friend that showed one side of themselves to you, and they pulled a 180? As if they just showed you a certain side of themselves to fit your world?
e.g. Kind and caring yet they talk behind your back.
Or even use you? Whether it was for friendship or alternative purposes?
How did you deal with it?

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11 Answers

Nullo's avatar

Behavior is often very situational. For instance. when I’m with my chess buddies, I’m quite different than from when I’m with my hunting buddies or my co-workers.
Back-stabbing is not acceptable, though.

BarnacleBill's avatar

Most people actually have fewer real friends than you think you do. Acquaintances are often mistaken for friends. This is especially true in middle and high school, where classmates are labeled as friends.

Deja_vu's avatar

@BarnacleBill Maybe I should have been more detailed with my question. I fully understand the difference between acquaintances and friends. I’m talking about a straight up friend-friend that has done a 180. If this hasn’t happened to you then godspeed. Good for you.
@Nullo My question isn’t based on interacting in different situations with different groups of people. It’s more about about having a friend with a front.

marinelife's avatar

Never a good friend. I have known the latter too well for that to happen.

It has happened to me with acquaintances though.

tedd's avatar

I’ve never had a good friend turn on me in such a manner.

Now girls on the other hand….

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

As soon as I found out,I fired them.

janbb's avatar

Still dealing with he emotional fall-out of a friend who suckerpunched me a few weeks ago. It hurts.

Judi's avatar

I had a friend who I loved like a sister. Her husband worked for my husband.
She decided she hated us when we asked them to pay their own $800 per month medical insurance when he took 3–4 months off (he was a farmer) to harvest.

Coloma's avatar

Yep, just let go of a 15–16 year friendship/ biz. association due to my friends emotional problems that had become acute this past few years.

I was patient with her for 2 years but reached a point where a lot of her true colors could no longer be denied.

It can take years to see all sides of a person and circumstances that test and reveal their true substance.

I’m a big believer in letting go of people if they become toxic and every relationship is either sustainable or it is not.

In my friends case there was a lot of hypocrisy, double standards and acting out behaviors not becoming to a healthy and mature woman.

More importantly not becoming to who I am and what I strive for at this time of my life.

I let go in order to uphold my own standards, boundaries and integrity, so, ultimately it really had nothing to do with her.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I’ve had this mostly with lovers, not friends.

lovable's avatar

I had this situations with a LOT of friends. I’m not friends with most of them anymore because they do TO MUCH. I tried over a 100 times to forgive them but they keep doing the same thing over and over. One would be so nice to me but behind my back she would talk hekkka mess. When she would say something like I am a hoe or something like that she would say it in a joking way and even tell me she’s joking. Then I had confronted her about her mess talking and she denied it. Then I had a BIG FIT a few weeks after I confronted her because she was talking to much. She had then admitted she does talk mess about me, she said that she even told me all this (really didn’t), told me she was serious, and then she also had started to say things that wasn’t true. After that we weren’t cool. Then we started talking again because she started a conversation with me. I still didn’t like her and I told her. I was NEVER the first to talk to her. When the 9th grade began we were cool again. She was hellla 2-faced. She would talk behind my back again. I just ignored it because I didn’t want drama. I wouldn’t talk to her anymore even if she tried to. She usually tries to talk to me. When she does I don’t say much. I will talk but I wouldn’t continue it. Here’s an example:
HER: You got a new phone?
ME:(nod head, and keep looking threw my phone)
HER:How was your day?
ME:good (walk away)
Most of them were 2-faced
There was this other girl that would say she would fight me (My closest friend would tell me) When you confront her about it she denies it. Then she talks mess behind your back. We just stopped talking. Then her mom had confronted me about fighting her. Her mom told me not to and I was like “I’m not even trying to fight her.” Her mom didn’t believe me so I was just like whatever.Then I confronted her about it and told her I wasn’t trying to fight her. She was like “I’m not trying to fight you either.” So we were cool again. Then she started acting different. We didn’t really talk, it was a “hi” and “by” thing. Then I figured out that she didn’t like me again. I was like F*** this. I don’t care anymore. Then 2–3 months passes by and she wants to be cool with me again. My friend told me that she wants to be friends. I was like “Nah, she did to much.” I would’ve forgave her but she just did to much. (I didn’t say all the stuff she said about me).
Again I talk to her to not be rude but I don’t continue the conversation. (I will tell them I don’t like them especially when they ask, I wouldn’t lie about this.)

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