Social Question

mostlyclueless's avatar

Can bad kissers be rehabilitated?

Asked by mostlyclueless (701points) November 18th, 2010

I think the writers of Sex and the City are scripting my life. This is a grown ass man and he does not understand how to operate his tongue. It’s like he’s plumbing the depths of my tonsils/eating my face. The kissing is bad.

This is a mechanical problem, not a chemistry problem. Can it be solved? Everything else is good. Very good.

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46 Answers

chyna's avatar

Do you want to rehabilitate him? I’m not sure I would want anyone that had gone through most of his life sucking tonsils and eating faces and had never learned to kiss.

wundayatta's avatar

If he’s truly interested in you, I’m sure he can be rehabilitated. Talk about it. Ask him to let you show him. It should be fun!

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Yes! Just tell him what you like!
If he doesn’t step up,just deliver a good jolt of “act right” with a taser. ;)

iamthemob's avatar

Part of the problem with re-training a bad kisser is that nobody likes or wants to believe that they are, in fact, a bad kisser. However, if the chemistry is all there for you, just approach the topic delicately. As in most cases of training, it’s best to do it in a way so the other person doesn’t know that it’s happening (sneaky, I know – but sometimes you gotta be, particularly when it comes to the more sensitive aspects of a relationship). And learning is always best achieved through positive reinforcement.

So, when he’s doing something you like, make sure that he knows how much you like it. “I really love when you kiss me like this/that” is a good clear way to say it. And when he’s doing it poorly, pull away subtly if possible and do something else for a bit. He should get the message.

If not, I would go for the more direct route outlined by @wundayatta and @lucillelucillelucille above.

Cruiser's avatar

Just show him what you like and if he is not utterly thrilled to death to be taught what you like, there is something seriously wrong with him.

Zyx's avatar

Maybe your shapes just don’t fit. I don’t understand why people think an ability to interact can be evaluated. IT CAN’T.

It’s fucking quantum psychology.

Jude's avatar

I’m thinking once a bad kisser, always a bad kisser. You either have it or you don’t. You go with whatever comes natural to you.

ucme's avatar

Knock their teeth out, every one of them. I hear grannys, once they take their dentures out are fabulous kissers. Slurpy slurpy cheep cheep yeah!! :¬)

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Have you tried talking to him about it? It would suck going through life as a bad kisser. I got schooled by an older woman, and boy am I glad she did it.

bippee's avatar

When he starts kissing you in a way that you do not like, stop him. Literally push him back to get his attention and then whisper in his ear, “Let me show you what I want you to do to me,” and then kiss him the way that you want to be kissed. It will work. I have done this successfully

TexasDude's avatar

It’s possible. I’ve done it before, but it may be a different process for you, since you are a female (I guess?)

You have two real options that I can think of that can be used singularly, or in conjunction with each other.

1) Talk to him about it.

2) Take control and show him what you want. Hopefully, he’ll get the picture.

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

This is honestly a great question.

I would recommend pinning him to the bed and telling him that there’ll be no kissing and nothing else either, until he learns to kiss you like you want. Tease him by running your tongue up the side of his neck. Flick his earlobe with your tongue. Try other innocent ways to pester him.

Make him beg to kiss you, and then explain to him matter-of-factly that you want a certain kind of kiss. Demonstrate. Repeat as necessary. Enjoy.

Scooby's avatar

If all else fails!! :-/
Just sit on his face! ;-)

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Of course they can be – I’ve rehabilitated one or two back in the day. I have simply told them how I like to be kissed, in the moment and they did and later on they just kept doing that because they knew it turned me on and never used their old habits.

mostlyclueless's avatar

Sigh. Okay, everyone. I’m going to start gearing myself up for THE MOST AWKWARD CONVERSATION IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@mostlyclueless LOL, good luck – btw, the most awkward conversation in the history of the world already occurred when, during oral sex, I coughed and peed into my now husband’s mouth.

BarnacleBill's avatar

Maybe tell him there’s a difference between oral sex and kissing, and that while what he’s doing with his mouth is great for the former, he needs a little more refinement in technique for the later. Maybe you could play a game of delivering a great movie kiss in public. That should hold some of his “exuberance” in check, and have him focus on the task as hand.

Akua's avatar

oooooohhhhh I hate bad kissers. They are like foreplay retards. Once I dated a guy who was such a bad kisser that I got rug burn from the stubble on his face. AND he was bad in bed. WTF?!?!?! Apparently everyone in his house knew he was destined to be an outcast in this area because one night while trying to get out of having sex with him I said “no, your mom might hear us” and HE said, “don’t worry, she’ll just be happy I’m getting sex!”.
Ok, I know I went WAYY beyond the OP but I just couldn’t resist and I figured if @Simone_De_Beauvoir could mention her peeing in her hubby’s mouth, I should be able to tell this story. LOLOL.

Zyx's avatar

@Akua That guy sounds like a hero, why did you stop dating him?

Akua's avatar

@Zyx Yea he was a real winner. Why did I stop dating him? Because I realized that I’d rather shove an ice pick into my own rectum then stay with him another day.

Zyx's avatar

@Akua I wouldn’t know honestly, so I’m sorry for saying anything if I’m wrong. But the things you’ve mentioned really don’t make him a bad guy and you’re ripping on him pretty hard. You don’t have to like him but until he screws up it’s just decent to tolerate him. Once again I don’t know what happened and maybe he is a bastard so I’ll leave it at that.

Akua's avatar

@Zyx, Oh yea, he was a bastard. Lack of sexual knowledge was the least of his problems and I ended up getting a restraining order on him. Do you know he stills emails me to this day? Hmmm… I wonder if that order is still in effect…
By the way, don’t sweat it, no apology necessary, you were just going by the info I posted.

Joybird's avatar

No, they cannot be rehabilitated. First of all they don’t believe you because other girls with lesser experience never complained or just dumped them instead of saying anything…and secondly they take offense when you try to tell them. Now I am an excellent kisser. I’ve gotten unsolicited feedback on this account. I’ve given others unsolicited feedback that they also are great kissers. And I’ve tried every which way to shape for better kissing from not so stellar puckerers. You can’t TEACH someone how to become SENSUAL. They either are or they are not.

Akua's avatar

@Joybird Spoken like a true kisser! I can’t say AMEN loud enough. Sensuality is something you have or you don’t. At 15 yrs old I was such a good kisser that my much older boyfriends (ages 25 and up… don’t ask) assumed I WASN’T a virgin. And I was! Knowing how to hold my head, use my tongue and caress just came natural to me. For others it’s not so simple.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

This is the first time the idea of someone peeing into my mouth has sounded hot.

wundayatta's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I could have done without that information, actually. ;-)

Scooby's avatar


Re : “You can’t TEACH someone how to become SENSUAL. They either are or they are not”.

Just like the old guy who got off with a young blonde…
His friends in the Bar overheard her saying to her friends how great his cunnilingus technique was & how he made her cum & cum & cum again….
“so spill it” one of his friends said “how did you keep her going so long, what were you doing to her”???
“Nothing” replies the old guy “ I just got going when I lost my teeth, dam were they hard to find”!! :-/

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe @wundayatta @iamthemob LOL! You know I have a special place in my heart for each of you – a different kind of place for each of you, but a place nonetheless.

wundayatta's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Does JPS now require a certification of no coughing, sneezing or any other form of sudden diaphramatic activity before he engages in… well, you know?

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@wundayatta No, quite the opposite – he can handle anything now, lol.

wundayatta's avatar

Ok then.

How’s the weather over there @Simone_De_Beauvoir? :-)

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@wundayatta Tingly and tense, healing the new clitorial piercing.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I’d like to see you two explain your conversation to an alien.

wundayatta's avatar

An alien? How about to a middle schooler?

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@wundayatta Let’s see you do that with criminal charges. lol

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@wundayatta You started it..if you can’t stand the heat..

wundayatta's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Ok, I’m a wimp. I don’t have an exhibitionist streak in me. But I tell you what. How ‘bout I wear asbestos gloves? That kinky enough for you?

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@wundayatta I don’t know…never had the pleasure

wundayatta's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I just thought… because you’re so hot….

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@wundayatta Oy..that’s just…that’s surreal.

mostlyclueless's avatar

I gave it my best shot. A couple days ago, we were in bed, after a couple drinks, and the kissing was so bad I couldn’t take it anymore. Hey, I said, can you try something for me? Just kiss me a little more gently?

Sure, he said. And then instead of mouth-too-wide tongue-thrusting, he transitioned to pointy-lizard-tongue probing.


Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@mostlyclueless LOL – I don’t mean to laugh, that was written so well. I’m sorry.

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