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DerangedSpaceMonkey's avatar

In a long-term relationship which do you think is more important; great sex or a great friendship?

Asked by DerangedSpaceMonkey (573points) November 22nd, 2010

And regardless of what you think is more important, which do you prefer to have?

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21 Answers

Aethelwine's avatar

With a great friendship comes great sex. After being with someone for so long, you get to know exactly what your partner wants, and what makes them happy. I know, I’ve been with my husband for almost 20 yrs. ;)

Seelix's avatar

I think a great friendship is more important, and that’s what I prefer. If the sex is great but you can’t stand each other, how “long-term” can it be?

Summum's avatar

Both are very important but over time the friendship matters the most. I think at first the basic instinct of sex drives many couples but in time the friendship becomes of greater worth.

DerangedSpaceMonkey's avatar

@jonsblond Well congrats for still being married for almost 20 years. Nowadays that’s quite an accomplishment.

And for the record I agree with everyone else so far, friendship is definitely the most important of the two.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I vote for derangedspacemonkeysex as important, but the friendship is what keeps you coming back for more of the dsms. Welcome to fluther.

marinelife's avatar

Both are very important, but in the end it is the friendship that matters most, because you spend more time not having sex than having sex.

Jude's avatar

I agree with @Summum %100

My girlfriend and I joke around and say that we’ll be after each other in the nursing home, even! When we get there!

DerangedSpaceMonkey's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe Thanks for welcoming me and thanks for your input.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I vote for friendship too – with friendship comes respect and with respect will come the desire to work things out and that matters more than great sex. That being said, lack of great sex indicates that there’s something wrong in a relationship (for me, anyway…other people don’t place as much value on that) and I will simply not be in a relationship where great sex isn’t something both partners are working towards.

ucme's avatar

I find friendly sex satisfaction enough. Although nothing wrong with a spot of angry sex every now & then. So yeah, I want my cake, even though i’ve eaten it :¬)

sliceswiththings's avatar

Speaking as someone who hasn’t had a really long-term relationship, I’d say sex. I can get great friendship from my friends, but I can’t get sex from them.

DerangedSpaceMonkey's avatar

@sliceswiththings Ah! A unique point of view. How refreshing! :-)

Summum's avatar


Why can’t you get sex from your friends? Grin You could but just don’t want too.

Winters's avatar

I say neither, my parents clearly loathe each other, never have sex, and are still together.

wundayatta's avatar

I don’t see how you could have great sex without deep love. As long as I loved someone deeply, I don’t need friendship. But sex kind of drives me, and without it, I don’t think I could stay in a relationship. Well I know I couldn’t, because when that happened, I started leaving.

Not only was there no sex, but there was no friendship, either. It was mostly a business relationship for a while. Even though, I loved her, and that love must be very deep because we have overcome an awful lot to stay together. Now we’ve got great sex. We’ve got more than a business relationship, but not exactly a deeply felt friendship. But we’ve got love, and that, I guess, is more important than any of them.

sliceswiththings's avatar

@Summum Ha my best friends are also women, and I’m not really interested in having sex with them.

Summum's avatar

@sliceswiththings I knew that was coming. LOL

YARNLADY's avatar

Definitely a great friendship. In my opinion, sex is highly overrated.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Friendship will help navigate lacklustre or evolving sex.

crazyivan's avatar

If the relationship works out, sex will be less and less important at the same time that friendship becomes more and more important.

I always thought about it like this. It’s pretty easy to imagine a wizened old couple telling their daughter (or son) to marry the person that makes them laugh or that understands them or even the person they have the most fun with. Hard to imagine the same couple saying “Marry the best lay.”

When I was managing a pizzeria years ago I was always leery of people who interviewed too well. If they were so good at being interviewed for a job it usually meant that they were pretty crappy at holding a job. I think you could use this as a good analogy of sex. If somebody is too good at it, they’re a hell of a lot less likely to be the monogamous type.

lovable's avatar

I haven’t really had a long term relationship but I would say sexual inter-course is more important. It doesn’t have to be sex just some freaky things. With a great relationship, it requires great passion. XD
(serious answer)

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