General Question

littlekori's avatar

Who can give good advice?

Asked by littlekori (676points) January 4th, 2011

So here it goes, I am beginning to question my sexuality. Though I don’t think I’m lesbian, but more bisexual. I don’t know if im just not wanting to believe it or what, but I can’t just give myself a straight answer. I really want to talk to someone about it, but I don’t really have anyone to do that with. So is there anyone that is willing to talk to me? On here, or even send me a message? It would be greatly appreciated! (:

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7 Answers

tinyfaery's avatar

What do you need?

marinelife's avatar

OK, first calm down. If you are bisexual, so what?

Ask yourself if you are sexually attracted to both men and women. That should give you a starting point.

If you are bisexual, you don’t have to act on it right now. You just can know it yourself.

Here is a link to tell you more about it.

janbb's avatar

Questioning your sexuality is certainly a normal thing to go through. As @marinelife says, you can choose to act on your feelings, do some exploration or just wait and see. Most of us probably fall somewhere on the spectrum between gay and straight. You might want to do some reading about sexuality and coming out. (Next semester, I am hoping to develop a bibiography of resources on gay and lesbians issues for my college.)

Fluther is a wonderful resource for gender and sexual identity issues. You might want to search out some of the earlier questions on this site and ask more of your own. I’d be happy to PM with you about it, but some of our other members probably have greater knowledge and experience than I do at this poilnt.

MissPoovey's avatar

Labels.. why label yourself?
Have sex when it feels right and wonderfully seductive. Labels are not a part of that. Whomever makes you feel terrific and hot, that is who you have sex with. Whether they be male or female. Stop looking at the outside shell and concentrate on your feelings when you are around that person.
Whewww, ok so thats my opinion..

KatawaGrey's avatar

I am a bisexual and this is something I have known for about 6 years, since I was 15. It is a difficult thing to talk about as many think that bisexuality does not exist or that bisexuals are “just kidding themselves.” Neither of these things is true. If you are attracted to people of both sexes, then you could be bisexual. Something you also should keep in mind is that being attracted to one person does not change your whole sexuality. Human sexuality is a strange and complex thing.

Let me explain why I call myself bisexual. I consider myself bisexual because I am sometimes attracted to males and I am sometimes attracted to females. I am mostly attracted to males and I have only ever had sexual experiences with males. However, there are some females to whom I am attracted and beyond that, there have been some females I feel as if I could have been in a relationship with.

Your sexuality means what you want it to mean. No one can decide that except for you. :)

Smashley's avatar

To start with relax. Sexuality is complicated and nuanced. It’s not unusual to question your sexuality, and frankly I’d be worried about anyone who’d never questioned it at all. I’m not one who believes that sexuality is entirely “nature” or “nurture” but rather a tricky combination. The first step is questioning, and you’re doing that, which is healthy. You seem reluctant to “choose” or “admit” what your orientation is, which is also healthy. The last thing you need is to try to cram yourself into some definition that doesn’t fit you. In the end, how you choose tie your sexuality into your own identity will be entirely your own decision.

I tend to identify as “straight” because I more typically get aroused by women and feminine qualities, and because I’ve found myself interested in dating only women for the past five years. The men I’ve been attracted to in my life have always been interesting on a more cerebral level. The physical attraction has been secondary to that. I’ll become friends with them, open up to them, spend time with them, and only afterwards begin to enjoy them physically. Some people would argue that doesn’t make me straight, but I really don’t care. These labels are purely about your own definitions of the terms and don’t have to mean what you don’t want them to mean.

@MissPoovey has the best point, I think. You should learn to be comfortable with “I’m not sure” until you are sure. At that point, if you feel the need to give yourself a label, go for it, but there’s no requirement. Explore your sexuality and become comfortable with it, and learn more about yourself. It can be tricky. Just as sexuality is a spectrum, so is gender. Liking one person who has a penis and another who has a vagina doesn’t make you gay or straight or bisexual, based on those things alone.

Anyways, there’s lots more to say, and I can’t speak more specifically without more to work with. PM me if you’d like to ask follow-ups, but good luck and be happy, wherever your self-exploration takes you!

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