Social Question

Vunessuh's avatar

Ever been the person someone else couldn't have?

Asked by Vunessuh (16704points) January 6th, 2011

A conversation on a thread yesterday got me thinking about the situations when we really like and want someone, but we just can’t have them for whatever reason. I’m sure this has happened to a lot of us and if this has happened to you, I’m sure you know how horrible it can feel, especially if you’ve developed deep feelings for this person or have become emotionally attached.
But what about the other way around?
Have you ever been the person that someone else couldn’t have? Perhaps you were in another relationship or you just weren’t interested. If you care to share, tell us who this person was and why it didn’t work out.

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20 Answers

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Why yes,I have been this person.It didn’t work out because I was either unavailable or unvailable.
Other times,I was just unavailable.

Kayak8's avatar

It has happened to me three different times that I know of (there might be other occasions when I was not aware of the interest from someone). I played in a band so people think they know you and how you think and feel and they just forget that you don’t know them (at all). The three times I am aware of, one injured the other party significantly. We actually ended up getting together some 13 years later and were together for 12 years until I found myself on the receiving end of same (what goes around as they say). There was a second time when I simply was not interested and a third time that is currently complicated.

Jude's avatar

I am that person right now with someone. And, that’s all that I have to say about that (Forrest Gump). I love my SO very much and obviously cannot and will not reciprocate with this other person.

DominicX's avatar

A friend of mine revealed to her friend (and later relayed it to me) that she had wanted to be with me for years, ever since we were young and in middle school. It had almost been like a dream of hers to be with me, but just thought that I would never notice her and that it would never happen. But of course, I am gay and I was not attracted to her and it just wasn’t going to happen. We are still friends to this day, but I can’t help but wonder if she still feels that way about me. I’m just never going to feel that way about her. :\

Coloma's avatar

Never experienced either one.

I married my first love, divorced him, haha…and I have not been the object of some unrequited pining, as far as I know.

And now, I am totally into me, don’t want a relationship at this time. ;-)

MissAnthrope's avatar

I’m sure it’s very possible, but I have been mostly unaware of anyone pining for me.

The only thing that I can think of is when the guy who was my best friend during my freshman year confided at the end of the year that he was in love with me. It was the first time anyone had said that to me and I was shocked (and a little in denial). I also had no interest in him romantically. Then.. he cried.. which he totally denies now, but I swear it happened. I felt awful, especially since it was so painful he basically said he couldn’t be friends with me anymore. :\

Oh.. and I’m now reminded of my pot dealer back in like 1996, he had a huge crush on me and it was really obvious and awkward. He eventually asked me out and I said no because the feeling wasn’t mutual.

chyna's avatar

@MissAnthrope You probably missed out on some free pot. Maybe you should’ve rethought that decision.~

coffeenut's avatar

Yes…a few times that I could have handled better they wouldn’t of worked for various reasons…...

MissAnthrope's avatar

@chyna – Yes, but he was large, scruffy, somewhat unwashed, and lived in a van. I will go to certain lengths for free pot (like my last girlfriend, j/k, sorta), but a girl has to have some standards

Jude's avatar

My ex. boyfriend tried to get back into my life after he found out that I was gay. He had a real hard time accepting the fact that I was no longer interested and kept on trying with me. I had a girlfriend at the time. I told him to back off and finally he did.

I remember finally coming out to him when we went out for dinner and had a few beers. When I told him, he kept peeling off the label of his beer bottle. He then asked me if I really loved him when we were together. I told him that I cared about him a lot, but, I wasn’t in love. I felt like an evil bitch.

I have no idea where he is at now. I wish that I could find him. Even though I wasn’t in love, I still cared for him very much. I almost married the guy. I haven’t seen him nor spoken to him in 10 years.

Jude's avatar

His name was John Robinson from Wallaceburg, Ontario (38), and you think that I could find him? Nope.

Winters's avatar

Yes, I just could not see myself with them in a meaningful relationship even if I faked it, which I have done on a few occasions. Sure I promised her a date if I were single and ever had the time, but I’m in New York at most 50 weeks out of the year so I make sure that I do not have the time whenever I’m back in Cali for those 5 weeks. I don’t feel like emotionally damaging anyone right now, seems so boring. Otherwise sadistic little me would have no trouble in doing so.

Cruiser's avatar

I have spent most of my adult life in relationships and there we a few times where I was pursued and their desires were expressed and one in particular where we both were unavailable but where we developed a really great friendship that begged for much more.

6rant6's avatar

Yeah, I’m kind of in that situation. She is the woman I’d have assembled if I could start from scratch. Everything about her was what I would have described for my perfect woman. In some cases better.

But I’m already in a relationship which I don’t want to jeopardize. So we’ve been trying to work out being friends. Can’t say it’s going well. I think she felt she needed to see my faults to get over a crush. Now that’s all she sees, it seems.

I don’t fault her for anything. And I’ve at least behaved defensibly if not perfectly. I have to say the interest of a woman so desirable does great things for one’s self esteem. I won’t say I wish it would have continued in the same vein, but it was painful when things changed. I truly admire her and find her to be a person worth knowing. I hope we can work something out. Time will tell.

etignotasanimum's avatar

Basically, this boy I was friends with told me that he loved me (but he did it in a really roundabout way, so it didn’t fully sink in until days later) and made it seem like he wanted to head in a more serious direction than I did. I liked him, but he wanted different things out of life than I did/do, so I knew couldn’t get into a serious relationship with him if I was going to stay true to myself (he wanted me to become a Christian, and I didn’t want that).

But instead of telling him this I drew away and cut off all contact with him for a few months until he moved away and moved on. It was a terrible way to handle it and I regret it now, because I know it hurt him. I’ve seen him back in town a few times and he seems happy with his girlfriend and new life, so I’m glad for him. I do wish I would’ve handled it all in a more mature manner, though.

Supacase's avatar

Yes and it was torture. This guy in high school was, unfortunately, very unattractive which led to people teasing him and him not having a lot of friends. We started hanging out in HS my junior year because I got to know him on yearbook staff and I realized he was really funny and nice.

We ate lunch with another friend of ours every day. We all got lockers together the next year. I gave him rides home from school sometimes. You know, friend stuff except we never went out in the evening b/c I was usually with my boyfriend.

I didn’t figure the whole thing out until he sent me roses on Valentine’s Day our Senior year. It sucked. I hated hurting his feelings, but it just wasn’t there. Not just because of how he looks, but also because he had a tendency to lie in order to make his life look better/more interesting.

faye's avatar

I am in this situation now with a man I thought of as a friend. He wants more and we dated a bit last summer but there is no spark for me, so I’ve made it worse.

Brian1946's avatar

In 2002 I was at another social website.
I posted a thread about age and relationships. In that thread I mentioned that I was 55 years old.

Later on a young woman in a lesbian relationship said that she loved me. I assumed she knew that I was at least 30 years her senior and happily married, so I figured that she meant that she loved me like a father.
It was under that misconception on my part that I told her I loved her too.
Bad move on my part, but I think since she was already involved, her pain only lasted for about a week (might have only been an hour FAIK).

ucme's avatar

A next door neighbour. It didn’t work out & was never likely to because… should I put this tactfully…....she was a fuckin bunny boiling maniac. Although that pales into insignificance compared to how the wife would have reacted had anything came of it. Castration with a rusty bread knife would be one theory.

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