Social Question

Jude's avatar

It all reverts back them and their life; whatever the topic may be. Know the type?

Asked by Jude (32162points) January 12th, 2011

You’re looking for support or wanting for someone to just listen, but, their response includes a lot “me(s) and I(s)”.

Do they just like to hear themselves talk?

How do you deal with those types of individuals?

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21 Answers

janbb's avatar

Know you’re not likely to get much from them and limit your contact with them. Find the people who really do give support and go to them when you need it.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Stay away as much as possible. They don’t change and they suck the life out of you.

JilltheTooth's avatar

Raised by one. Very difficult to cope with that. When I can, I run away from such folks.

YoBob's avatar

Well, how exactly to you expect someone to communicate that they understand how you feel without them, in turn, communicating that they have had a similar experience?

bunnygrl's avatar

Do you mean in RL honey or just here on fluther? I don’t understand, honestly, I’m probably just being dense as usual. Here on fluther, surely the only advice anyone can securely, with any authority, give is their own experiences. So if someone posts a question here, isn’t that what we’re supposed to do? along the lines of “this happened to me too and maybe X, Y or Z might help, or this is what I did etc…..”

I must have misunderstood this question I think, maybe. Why would anyone post a question (in general I mean, not this one) when they don’t want anyone to reply (“wanting someone to just listen”) and the “You’re looking for support” doesn’t that imply that the OP had already made their mind up and just wanted folk to agree? again why post a question if they don’t want anyone’s opinion which doesn’t agree with their already made up mind? I’m muddled lol.

Do you mean in RL? I’ve just read our fellow jellies replies above this and they seem to be referring to interactions with people in RL? I think I might have got it all wrong (not for the first time). Not sure anymore <is confused>. As I said above, here on fluther, (having read your question again) you might be talking about my replies easily, because the only experiences I have to share are mine I suppose. I haven’t offended you (or anyone else) have I honey? please tell me if I have? see? now I’ve gone into paranoid mode, need a cuppa <hugs> xx
EDIT: @YoBob THAT’S what I was trying to say (and making a dogs dinner of it) hugs xx

Jude's avatar

@YoBob All of the time.

Me: “This happened to me with my Dad” (say). Other person: “Oh. well, I…..for me…...and I…by me….and I..”

Always.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Jude Initially, we all have to take care of ourselves, but some people never grow beyond that mentality.

aprilsimnel's avatar

Be straightforward:

“Binky, I appreciate that you’re taking time to be with me [always point out the good behaviour first]. I would appreciate it more if you listened to what I have to say right now. I need someone to just listen. Thank you.”

Jude's avatar

@bunnygrl It’s not you.

whitenoise's avatar

Some people will always have had their dog die more than yours just did.

Accept that from them and if they don’t have anything to compensate, then look for better ways to spend your time. :-)

bunnygrl's avatar

<runs over hugs @Jude tightly> phew!! how paranoid am I? lol. I am relieved though,
hugs xx

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Those kinds of people are rare in my life (but mom is sure one of them) and I try to never be that way, myself.

josie's avatar

Smile pleasantly, nod occasionally, once in a while say “Yeah, I know what you mean”
Meanwhile, think of something else.

tinyfaery's avatar

I try to avoid these people, whether it be IRL or fluther. I think such people are really not concerned with other people at all, but see other people as a means by which they can bolster themselves and somehow convince themselves that they are right in their ideas and opinions.

KatawaGrey's avatar

I sometimes have friends who fall into this pattern of this behavior. If it is constant, I avoid them.

@YoBob: I took this question to mean the people who always have to make the conversation about them and have to one-up you. I knew a girl who would do this all the time. If I had gotten 4 hours of sleep the night before, then she had gotten 3 hours and had a paper due. If I had gotten into a fight with my boyfriend, then she hadn’t spoken to her boyfriend for 3 days.

There is a big difference between someone who says, “This is what I did when that happened to me” and someone who says “Oh, please, you think that’s bad? This happened to me and I almost died!

faye's avatar

I know a woman who always has the better, worser, funnier, sadder, etc story no matter what I used to say. So I quit saying anything. Years later she married my ex so is my children’s stepmother. Bizarre and she is still behaving that way or trying to, so I hear.

stardust's avatar

Yes, I know the type all too well. It’s probably one of the most draining experiences to spend time with people who behave like that. I couldn’t agree more about limiting your availability to these people.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

On fluther then I expect that, kind of look forward to it but irl then I stay away.

Nullo's avatar

That’s me, on a bad day. I’m working on it, okay?!

GracieT's avatar

Actually, like @Nullo, I can slip into it occasionally also. Again like @Nullo, I’m working on it. I fall into it more than I’d like to, so obviously it’s still in progress!

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