General Question

Winters's avatar

I'm getting increasingly bored with living, any suggestions?

Asked by Winters (5849points) January 14th, 2011

As some of you may be aware, I am existentially nihilistic. I’ve tried keeping myself active and busy with hobbies and other stuff, I’ve tried humanitarian/charity work, I’ve tried sex and relationships, I’ve tried jokes/humor and pranks, I’ve tried friends, I’ve tried fluther (as you can see), I really can’t think of anything short of drugs, alcohol, and criminal activities that I haven’t tried to keep myself “entertained.

In short, I’m seriously bored and have found myself increasingly thinking about a criminal stint, using L DOPA to increase my dopamine levels legally, or just suicide to either keep myself entertained/happy for a while longer, or to just get it over with. I am a bit worried about this increasingly common train of thought in my head, but even that worry is fading.

Any suggestions/thoughts/advice before I stop worrying about this completely and decide to flip the coin or what not?

(Note: I will be seeing a doc soon, though I don’t know if it’ll be soon enough)

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84 Answers

marinelife's avatar

You are not thinking straight.

You need to see a therapist right away.

Winters's avatar

@marinelife I’ll have to see a doc either next week or the week after, and though I think I’ll tell him then, I don’t know if I’ll walk in still caring by that time.

Coloma's avatar

Maybe time to try some spirituality. ;-)

Read up on BPD and NPD…very common traits of some of the psychological issues you mention.

Needs constant stimulation, easily bored, feels empty inside, looks outside self for meaning, value, attention. Contemplates suicide.

Most ‘personality’ issues are about emotional immaturity, unhealded core wounds, and sometimes brain chemistry/biological factors.

Yes, please seek a therapist. I wish you all the best.

flutherother's avatar

Try travel. Take a chance and hop on a bus. Go somewhere you haven’t been and see what happens. Get out of the dull routine.

ninjacolin's avatar

I disagree with you on a few ideas. For example, you haven’t tried “friends”
Friends are different with every bunch. Try making friends in a foreign country compared to friends you’ve lived with since childhood. Every individual puts a new spin on things.

Clearly you haven’t tried having friends for longer than you’ve had them before. Friends are different year to year. Some friends fall away, others come up. Long lasting relationships change when you do different things together.

The things you listed aren’t static. You can’t check them off on a list and consider them complete. There is no complete. You have no idea what is to come.

Winters's avatar

@flutherother Done it.
@Coloma Tried spirituality, lasted quite a while actually.
@ninjacolin Have/had friends from other countries as well as childhood friends. The big thing there is that interacting with people on a personal basis no longer holds interest for me all that much. I’ve increasingly been cutting off people and I just can’t bring myself to start befriending other people anymore.

ninjacolin's avatar

as for me, I’m personally captivated in my existence by a few things but one of the things I appreciate most is my long term goals. I’ve been working towards a drastic change of lifestyle. It’s coming along pretty great. It’s exciting to know that I’m no where near where I want to be and no where near where I was only a year ago. I find this interim challenging and engaging.

but in general, if you’re bored with living your life it’s because you live your life in a way that bores you. Live your life another way. If you don’t have ideas on how to do that, don’t worry, others have spent their entire lives researching and publishing on the topic. Get away from your own ideas which are failing you and start studying the ideas of others who have had success.

Hobbes's avatar

@Winters – Have you ever tried any sort of drug? If not, why not? Certainly, there are many harmful and addictive drugs out there, but things like Cannabis and LSD are harmless, non-addictive, and may in fact help you greatly.

ninjacolin's avatar

@Winters said:“I’ve increasingly been cutting off people and I just can’t bring myself to start befriending other people anymore.” – this is bad way to live your life, for example. Don’t live your life that way. This results in depression. Some can handle living this way, you perhaps can’t.. you’ll just end up being suicidal.

Winters's avatar

@Hobbes the idea of drugs has always disgusted me, and to be honest I have tried drugs twice, and was sick of it by round two.

flutherother's avatar

@Winters Congratulations on the 5K by the way. You say you have done humanitarian work but has that included helping people who are in a really bad way like the homeless or drug addicts. Getting involved might help free your mind from thinking about itself.

Hobbes's avatar

What specifically about them disgusts you? Which drugs did you try?

Winters's avatar

@ninjacolin I’ve only started cutting people off about a year ago, I’ve been interested and thinking about suicide since around 7 or 8, my first “attempt” was at 10

Coloma's avatar

@Winters

Have you tried GIVING more of yourself to others?

Throw a party, cook some friends/family a nice dinner. GIVE!

The best way to get out of the narrow little universe of mind is to give!

Get EXCITED about giving, it works!

ninjacolin's avatar

You might have a fetish for suicide and depression.

Coloma's avatar

Bottom line, you need to seek intervention.

Life is ever changing, this too shall pass, but…if you don’t reach out you might make a very bad decision that will take away all of your future choices by default.

CALL SOMEONE RIGHT NOW!

I strongly disagree with @Hobbes

WTF! You are suggesting drug use as a solution to a psychological issue?

Very irresponsible!

Drugs can induce PSYCHOSIS! Not cool advice at all! Grrr!

Winters's avatar

@flutherother yes, I’ve done that. Volunteered 2 and a half years at a homeless shelter where I also dealt with and helped drug addicts, spent some time helping out a CAPC, etc.
@Hobbes Mary Jane numero uno, PCP numero dos. ick ack I’d rather swallow a thumb tac.
@Coloma I guess you could say I’ve done that, cooked for friends and family, cooked with friends and family, helped out friends and family,
@ninjacolin interesting thought, though I hope you mean not as a sexual fetish because I know that is not true.

Coloma's avatar

@Winters

Seriously? PCP?

Well there ya go.

Winters's avatar

@Coloma that was 6 years ago, and was a miniscule amount compared to the “standard” dosage. and if you saw what I told ninjacolin, I’ve been circling around suicide since I was about 7.

I was reading up on BPD and NPD like you suggested and I noticed trauma as being a potential cause for BPD. That may be it actually.

Hobbes's avatar

Yeah, PCP is bad news bears. What was your experience with MJ?

Winters's avatar

@Hobbes I hated the feeling I got from it, and if anything I actually got depressed.

Winters's avatar

I just looked it up and the dose I took was way too little to have an effect of that magnitude.

Coloma's avatar

@Winters

ALL mental / emotional problems are about trauma.

Aside from neurobiological issues.

Do you have a history of abuse in your background?

Please talk with a qualified expert. :-)

Hobbes's avatar

That’s too bad =[ Could you describe the feeling?

In any case, the reason I recommended LSD and Cannabis is because I’ve found that their use has caused me to take more pleasure in the little joys of life, even when I’m not under the influence. I’ve begun to pay attention to things like the pattern of frost on a window, or the swirls of smoke, or light refracted through warped glass. Beauty is everywhere, if we have eyes to see it.

talljasperman's avatar

I felt the same… its a sense of decreasing payoffs for everything…then I found Fluther and got cable t.v. and I talk to family… I’m getting over the feelings of blah…I found out that when I care for others the blahs go away…passions are good too… It a sign for change… or at least not taking what I have for granted.

Coloma's avatar

@Hobbes

I agree. What you describe is presence, full attention. Everyone has experimented with drugs, but…the whole idea is to rise ABOVE mind, drugs and alcohol may ‘work’ but, ultimately you are going below mind, not transcending.

Winters's avatar

@Hobbes I don’t know, I just felt depressed and increasingly moodier. Did feel a bit light headed I guess. Hard to remember, had a fairly decent concussion last summer and somethings are harder to remember, I remember doing it and feeling generally down, but not too much more.

Hobbes's avatar

@Coloma – Yup. It’s entirely possible to reach the state of full presence without drugs, and drugs won’t get you there by themselves. I think what psychedelics offer is a glimpse, a brief glimmer of the place you’re trying to go, but it’s up to you to get there.

@Winters – LSD is a totally different ball game. It is however, not a good drug to take if you’re depressed or in a bad frame of mind. But, as I said, drugs aren’t necessary to get to the state I’m talking about. Have you tried meditation?

choreplay's avatar

You said “I’ll have to see a doc either next week or the week after, and though I think I’ll tell him then, I don’t know if I’ll walk in still caring by that time.” Maybe you need to go to a clinic right away. You have to go inspite of feelings, ignore your feelings and go. @WINTER, Would you promise to talk to us, or talk to someone in your life before you made any decision to commit suicide?

choreplay's avatar

Do you have any family close, emotionally or locationally?

Coloma's avatar

@Hobbes

Right. Nothing new to this 70’s gal.
LSD does have it’s place in transcendent openings, but, I would not prescribe it vicariously to anyone ‘suffering’ from symptoms of depression or possible serious emotional dysregulation.

Meditation is far safer.

Winters's avatar

@Hobbes yes I’ve tried meditation, went hand in hand with spirituality.
@Season_of_Fall I can’t make that promise, I’m too talented at breaking promises. Family wise they still hold me emotionally close, but I can hardly stand being around them anymore, this last winter break has been perhaps one of the most miserable two weeks of my life. Location wise, they’re on the other side of the country.

choreplay's avatar

Will go to a clinic. Your at the point where you need help dude. Please commit to talk to someone before you make any decision like that.

choreplay's avatar

Is there someone that you would be willing to ask this of? My father committed suicide, because he thought none of us wanted to be close to him. He was wrong. If you follow through on medical help and get the right perscripts to level you out you may be able to think above the fog and not want to go to a place like this.

Coloma's avatar

@Winters

Hmmm….just the last few weeks?
Maybe it;s a seasonal affective disorder you’ve got going on.

S.A.D.

Are you eating well, getting as much exercise and sunlight as possible?

Everyone gets a little ‘funky’ in the ‘Winter’.

Try some vitamin D and B complex, UV lights? But…don’t wait to talk with someone.

Winters's avatar

Winter break was miserable for me because I ended up spending all of it with family.

choreplay's avatar

@winter, Are you in a relationship?

Winters's avatar

@Season_of_Fall no, I got bored of them.

choreplay's avatar

Are you completed isolated at this point?

choreplay's avatar

Who are you in touch with and are there aware of where you are emotionally?

YARNLADY's avatar

I have a hard time answering this, because I don’t know how to be bored. I have so many things to do and so many thing I can think about when I want a change, being bored just isn’t possible in my life.

I often spend time just looking at pictures on Flickr.com. My favorites are beaches, sunsets and landscapes.

Winters's avatar

@Season_of_Fall the only person I’ve considered to be my best friend I still keep some contact with, and no he does not know for sure, though I suspect he has his suspicions. But I definitely will not tell him, he’s at an important stage in his life and I will not distract him from what he’s currently doing. It’s the least i can do I guess.

@YARNLADY I remember when I once appreciated the beauty of that. All I like now is bodies of water and the complete blank calm it takes me to when I’m in it.

Coloma's avatar

@Winters

Don’t not reach out to a friend. You and your situaation is NOT a distraction.

How would your ‘friend’ feel if something happened and they did not have any clue to your feelings?

THAT would be a much bigger ‘distraction.’

Kiddo…you need to BELIEVE in yourself!

choreplay's avatar

If I was that friend I would want to know, doesn’t mean you’ll be a burden. Dude, just don’t go solo on this, someone somehow. Have a hotline number handy, keep hours and numbers of after hours clinics or emergency rooms. I imagine right now you think it would be too much of a burden on others, I know what that feels like, and didn’t let it take me down and I’ve seen better days since. I am getting off line to put my babies in bed, winter you’ll be in my thoughts and prayers.

asmonet's avatar

@Winters: Drugs seemed mildly offensive to me as well.

I was really, really fucking wrong about them once I gave them a shot.

And I don’t mean try one and it doesn’t work so you moved on – I mean work with a doctor who will work to find what’s right for you.

And to put it bluntly, if you’re not sure you’ll even want help in a few days then you need to go park your ass in from of a clinic tonight. When you do feel better, you’ll fully appreciate what you would have missed.

Winters's avatar

@Coloma he goes to USNA, any faltering academically is practically inexcusable and unforgiven at any of the military academies (I should know). With his dreams, it’d be best if I don’t disrupt him for the remainder of this school year, I know him and he wouldn’t be able to take that his best friend is ready to kick the bucket.

@Season_of_Fall @asmonet clinics are not available to me at this hour, maybe tomorrow, definitely Tuesday, but it’s definitely too late today.

ninjacolin's avatar

Hey @Winters, I wanted to let you know that I’m not a fan of Nihilism. A large part of your depression campaign I would say is funded by that worldview. Your conclusions about the universe necessarily influence your mood and attitude. Myself, I’m a staunch hard determinist. But certainly not a nihilist. Maybe we should have a separate huge discussion about your conclusions on that matter. Maybe there’s some ideas you might find even more logical to conclude than the ones you’ve come up with so far in that respect.

Coloma's avatar

I agree with @ninjacolin

You ARE a reflection of what you think.
Dwell in doom and gloom and meaninglessness and that is exactly what you’re gonna manifest in your life.

Elevate your mind…relax into the mystery, embrace it, learn to live with uncertainty.

Moegitto's avatar

Unfortunately, I’ve always wondered why I’m alive. Unfortunately, I’ve yet to find an answer to why I keep living, maybe I’m too lazy to kill myself? I’ve always just thought about disappearing from the known world, like going caveman. Just sitting in an apartment playing video games until I die, I too also get no sensation from living. I lost my love of life when I got old enough to realize that life isn’t fair, and you cant change crap, so you can only accept what’s been givin to you. I have no human connections, my family abandoned me to be homeless, I joined the army for food and a bed, I seem to have missed every IED over seas, the only thing I got going for me is that I’m so physically jacked up that they will pay me for the rest of my life (about 15 years).

Winters's avatar

@ninjacolin I understand where you’re coming from, I’ve had many people approach me on that matter. But I can assure you that Nihilism isn’t what is pushing me the way I’m going. I started out a strong Baptist, which eventually turned to Buddhism, from which I eventually turned to Abrasax, then I became agnostic, then turned to what was originally deemed “Satanic,” then back to agnostic, and finally nihilism. I align myself with beliefs I currently feel are true, and turning to nihilism was probably one of my last ditch efforts to get out of this path. I felt that this is the only life we have, there is no afterlife, there is no reincarnation, and there is no purpose, so fuck it, enjoy what I can while I can. That lasted for about a month before I plopped down even farther than where I had left off.

ninjacolin's avatar

@Winters, we have a similar background from religion to atheism. I may not convince you but I’ll show you a good time. Let’s tackle the topic early next week!

pallen123's avatar

Ugh. Man o man please just see a psychiatrist tomorrow. Above all else, do whatever you need to do to see someone highly competent in a very large city. Don’t know where you live, but based on your writing, you need to see someone in Los Angeles, San Francisco, Seattle, New York, or Chicago. You might find someone capable of helping you elsewhere but the odds are so much slimmer. You’ve got too much insight, intellect, and baggage to move beyond this with your run-of-the-mill therapist or backwater psychiatrist. You may or may not need meds but you definitely need a major dose of hardcore therapy and philosophic exploration to fix your bearing on the next chapter of your life.

Do you happen to live somewhere remote? Are you socially isolated even from casual acquaintances?

Sorry to sound judgmental above. Not my intention. I’ve just seen this movie before and there are no bromides or structured spiritual or philosophic belief systems that are the answer. This is a psychological, and probably also biochemical issue. Meaning and joy are hard earned perks of driving the car down the center of the lane for as long as possible. You don’t find them driving on the shoulder.

Winters's avatar

@pallen123 I’m at West Point and I’m pretty sure that all the on campus psychiatrists are out this weekend.

incendiary_dan's avatar

How’s your diet?

Winters's avatar

@incendiary_dan pretty healthy for the most part with a few sweets here and there.

incendiary_dan's avatar

Two trains of thought on this:

Do you get enough fats with Omega-3 fatty acid? Enough vitamins, specifical B and D vitamins?

Is your food awesome? Good food just makes people feel better. I suggest Thai food. And free range, nitrate free bacon.

Winters's avatar

Vitamins and Omega-3 fatty acid I am sure I am doing well on.

The food here is meh, sometimes its okay, other times it is disgusting. The closest good food is a half hour drive from the gates but I don’t have a car and taxis are too damn expensive.

YARNLADY's avatar

Periodically go outside and run as hard as you can until you fall down. Then walk back inside and rest. Do this until your feeling passes.

incendiary_dan's avatar

Well, if you have access to cooking facilities, I recommend making something awesome. With bacon. I’m in a bacon mood.

Winters's avatar

@YARNLADY thanks for the advice, but that doesn’t work all that well anymore. :)
@incendiary_dan unfortunately, I don’t

Moegitto's avatar

@Winters You need to do what I do, I just play video games to occupy my mind. It doesn’t really help the situation, but it gives my mind something to do, normally getting pissed off at the game. I’ve been known to play games for 3 to 4 days straight. I put it in simple terms, I hate humanity, so I stay away, which gives me more time to play games, and watch anime, which occupies my mind more. I’ve been described as Having ADHD. OCD, Mild depression, Avoidance disorder, anti social personality disorder, and PTSD. That’s because psych’s dont know nothing for real. They sit there, and attempt to analyze you, then try to mental mind fuck you into believing they’re right. My psych tries to make me believe that I’m depressed because I’ve been “hurt” soo many times in my life, but I’ve never been hurt, this is what’s normal to me. I can’t understand something I’ve never felt, like happiness or joy, the same as most people can’t understand “pain, displeasure, losing, and non-meaniness” as normal to me.

Winters's avatar

@Moegitto ah, that was a fun time, but it doesn’t hold my interest for very long any more.

Winters's avatar

Hey, thanks everyone for your input.

pallen123's avatar

West Point? How did you leave that out of your original post? That’s kind of a central aspect of your situation. With all due respect to the military (and I do respect the military and those that serve) that is absolutely the last place on earth I would suggest anyone go for psychiatric help. Although I’m sure there are plenty of exceptions, the military’s track record on addressing psychiatric issues is catastrophically poor. Besides that, as I said before, you’ve got a strong combination of insight, intellect, and baggage that makes you a bad candidate for anyone other than a creative, worldly therapist that again, you’re most likely to find in a big city. At that, unfortunately you’d need to do some legwork to find the right person. Sadly most people choose a therapist or a psychiatrist like they choose a plumber. In fact, it can be as important a decision as choosing your spouse. With all due respect to the other posters here, there are some asinine and off the wall suggestions here in response to someone that’s expressed an interest in ending their life. Can you get through this with exercise or herbs or vitamins or hallucinogens or a new dogma? Holy cow, no. You’re the poster child for cognitive therapy. Your boredom and depression aren’t rare. Thousands of people everyday enter therapy with similar issues and despair and the majority come out the other side with renewed purpose. By all means get some exercise but your comments suggest you have everything to gain by forming a long term, healthy relationship with a highly competent therapist and coach. I don’t know how old you are but if you’re still a student I’m assuming under 30 yrs. of age. Not knowing you I don’t know if this is true, but your comments suggest to me you’re somewhat impulsive and/or you favor extremes. If either is true, my prediction for you, if you persevere, is that your older self at age 40 or 50, will look back on your younger self today and sigh. Your older self will be wiser, mellower, less intense, and able to find real joy in things that seem silly or trivial to you today. I wish you well. Please find transportation to NY tomorrow and get a referral to someone that can help you figure things out. And if the first person you meet doesn’t feel like a good fit, find someone else. Good luck.

lilidauphin's avatar

Dear, what is your passion? There must be something that makes you happy. Most of us have a dream. You must have one. A dream gives us a reason to live by enriching our lives with hope, love and happiness. Find your passion my dear, but most importantly, start thinking positive. Don’t forget to nurture yourself. Self-love is very powerful. Love yourself because you deserve it. I hope you will feel better soon because no matter how bad you may feel, life is always worth living. I shall pray for you okay? Please, don’t give up on yourself.

Pandora's avatar

Till you go see a doctor perhaps you should consider looking at your diet. People often overlook their diet and food can play a big role in depression. You don’t sound bored but depressed maybe. I would not only get a mental check up but a physical one as well. You say your are bored but what you really should be feeling right now is concerned. We all get bored with life at one point or another but a normal reaction would be to ride through it and force ourselves out of it unless we can’t because it is more of a medical problem. Thinking of suicide at such a young age should be a red flag. Hormones going crazy or chemical imbalances can be a cause of your feelings. I don’t think you need to look for outside reasons or solutions to your problem. You need to find out what is physically wrong with you.
Is there mental illness in your family?
Was there ever a suicide by someone close, like a parent?
Was there any abuse?
Are you self medicating?
Do you have a physical ailment that has bouts of depression?
Promise yourself that you will go see a doctor and find out what is wrong before deciding to do anything risky.
And have you ever tried just relaxing? Reading a book or leaning something new? Enter a new field of study, go back to school? Listen to soothing music, watching old classic movies? Maybe your just putting too much on your plate and instead of saying to yourself its more that you can handle your rather think its just your bored.
Best of luck.

Winters's avatar

Thanks guys,

@lilidauphin my passion, I don’t really have one to be honest, I used to love playing music and well, that kind of died, I guess its pulling practical jokes and pranks nowadays. My dream? I can’t really tell what it is anymore.

@Pandora No history of mental illness in my family.
Recently, a close teacher and mentor of mine committed suicide, but I’ve been thinking about death and suicide for a long time now.
I take no medications, though as I said in the details that I’m thinking about maybe taking L DOPA to raise my dopamine levels a bit.
No known physical ailment that would cause depression (that does remind me, I had a CT scan last summer that showed the folds or sulci in my brain to be unusually wide, but I was told it was probably nothing).
Relaxing, yes, reading books, yes, I’m in college right now so learning something new and entering a new field of study are occurring.
Soothing music, I try but the weird thing is if I’m calm and feel content, it only last for a while before thoughts of suicide fill my brain.
Movies, I’ve tried old and new, its just a temporary relief.

Winters's avatar

I don’t know if I should tell my family about this at all, at least right now. I know my mom would be heartbroken and I don’t know if her heart can take much more stress, and my dad is not in good physical health currently as it looks like he possibly picked up a degenerative disease back in Iraq which, if it is, is eating away at his muscles and bone marrow i think.

Pandora's avatar

How about your diet? Do you have allergies? Some food allergies can cause problems with your body chemisty.
Are you being neglectful and not eating well?
Is there a history of thyroid problems?
Are you drinking to much?
What was the CT scan for? Injury?
Could you be suffering depression from your dads current situation?
Trust me as a mom, even if my husband was going through health problems that are causing me stress, I would want to know what my children are going through. I would want the chance to help them or at least find them help than be torn apart by their suicide or mental break down.
I know you want to protect your mom but your doing her no favors by not cluing her in to your situation. Sounds like she loves you. So let her do what moms do best. Help you out.
BTW, the idea that some drug that raises your dopamine levels is what you need is like the anorexic that thinks their problem will go away if people just left them alone. Eventually self medicating won’t help. It will probably make matters worse.

Moegitto's avatar

@Winters When I was in the hospital, I told my mom that I was ready to die before her, and that I didn’t want anything. She kinda brushed me to the side, raising my disdain for humanity. Bad enough I had to call her and tell her I was in the hospital for a unknown condition (ended up being diabetes), but then she continued to talk through me, and complain about her day, work, and her problems. Being in the military, you HAVE to have a will, and I always run into trouble when I do mines because I tell them to give my stuff back to the government, and refuse to put a family name on it because I don’t believe in “family” anymore. I see my family as “Related Friends”, and I can dispose of these related friends the same way as normal friends. I no longer look at disappointment as a negative, just a way of life. If someone lives in the lap of luxury, someone lives in the belly of the beast, and as far as I can tell, I might be knocking on the beasts intestinal tract soon. That’s why my emotions became mute, because I can’t fathom the concept of a “perfect” life, situation, moment, or anything along that nature. I’ve been through the alcohol street, that did nothing but actually make me smarter, and then I realized MORE problems with this world. We as humans believe in a system, and if you fall out of that systems, you become the “factor”, as in unknown, uncertain, UNNEEDED. I’ve seriously been through some of the sickest shit you can think of, and no one was there to help me through anything.

Winters's avatar

@Pandora
No known allergies.
I eat pretty healthily not too much in the way of sweets, and nowadays I don’t eat a whole lot of meat either.
No history of thyroid problems
Drinking too much liqour? No. I’m 19 and don’t have a great urge for alcohol either. Drinking too much fluids? No, at times I drink too little but rarely too much.
The CT scan was for a concussion I received, the docs found then that my sulci was unusually wide.
I doubt that, I just found out this Winter Break that he may have this disease, but like I said, I’ve been like this for a while now.
@Moegitto thanks for that, something to think over.

Moegitto's avatar

Being bored with life is acceptable, tired of living isn’t. Thats my motto, when your bored, you naturally want to find something to do.

You know there’s a problem when a person has NO sexual aspirations, right? That’s how I look at the lack of caring about life, it’s not a easy thing to deal with, but at the same time, who cares?

When I was 19, I was void.I didn’t care about ANYTHING at all, period. Now I’m 27 (28 in february), and I still feel the same way, just more pissed off because now I have the life experience to KNOW that I’m not accepted. And then it makes me feel better when I’m an ass to people. I’m not a bad person, I still believe in treat people the way you want to be treated. But I’m like an indian, I offer you tea, and you shoot me. Now I’m gonna start a whole war on you AND your family.

The only really helpful advice I can offer you beside my experience, is that you NEVER want to go down the line of doing ANYTHING illegal. Especially if your seeking “Mental Help”, because that would give the courts room to judge you incapable of living in modern society, a hazard, sociopathic, or worse, which would end up with you being thrown into a place where the only color you’ll see for awhile is the calming graces of white…

skfinkel's avatar

I seems that when you are thinking suicide, the last thing you are thinking about are the people who love you, and how they might feel. You talked about your mother and her having to deal with your father and what he is going through now. Can you get out of your own head for long enough to imagine even briefly how they would feel if they even knew you were thinking this way, much less hurting yourself in any way? The pain you would cause them is unthinkable. It is your responsibility to do what you can, as soon as you can, to make sure that you hurt no one and that you get help for yourself. (Almost everyone else has said this to you as well.) So, since you came to Fluther for advice, you might as well take it.

XxSHYxxGUYxX's avatar

You need a lover.

LostInParadise's avatar

How did you end up at West Point? No offense to either you or the military, but this does not seem like a good fit. Do you like being there? What are you studying? What do you plan to do when you get out?

And do take @ninjacolin up on his suggestion for a philosophic discussion. You need something to shake you up and that just might be the thing to do it.

Winters's avatar

@LostInParadise At the time I wanted to go here, it was a combination of (1) get the hell away from my family (2) spend 4 years here getting an education, go out into the field, kill and get killed (3) If I don’t die, then I’ll probably have a good time striving for the top. I thought I wouldn’t get bored of the military. Apparently, I was wrong with that assumption.

@XxSHYxxGUYxX eh, I’m pretty sure that would be an unhealthy relationship at best when looking back at prior relationships.

@skfinkel I know it will cause them a lot of pain, and my current mindset is yeah sure, I’ll go in for help as soon as I can. I’m taking the advice given to me right now, but I’m the kind of guy who would just as easily blow you off if I begin feeling that it is pointless and a waste of time

Winters's avatar

@everyone, just saw a counselor today, guess a little heads up letting ya’all know I’m still around.

flutherother's avatar

@Winters Yeah but what about your counsellor. Is he OK?

Winters's avatar

@flutherother i guess… I haven’t had much experience with em but from what i can tell, he’s a good one.

flutherother's avatar

@Winters Oh well, hope he is helpful. Good luck!

marinelife's avatar

That is great news, @Winters!

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