General Question

viscaria1800's avatar

What does it mean to have a "Best Friend"?

Asked by viscaria1800 (189points) February 12th, 2011

Well I mean all of my close friends have like one “Best Friend” they tell everything to, and iv’e had some “best friends” but like I don’t really have one friend I can tell EVERYTHING to. When I hang out with my two closest friends I feel awkward because they are best friends and I’m kind of like the tag along. Like this weekend I was there for a day and the other to girls stayed together for 4 nights. I wonder if its weird I don’t have one best friend, and I was just wondering how you would define best friend, and how necessary it is to have one.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

19 Answers

sarahjane90's avatar

This is something I have always wanted… but never have seemed to find. I think a ‘best friend’ is very rare. I wouldn’t worry about not having a best friend (I have come to think of my Mom as my true best friend).

I don’t think there is any requisite to have only ‘one’ best friend. I would be content with a good friend. I would say a good friend is someone who listens, keeps things private, and will come see you when you need them most. And vice versa – you need to be a ‘best friend’ too, to have one!

zenvelo's avatar

My daughter has a lot of friends that she is close to (she is 13), but has never had a designated best friend. Ever since she was little and would be asked about it, she has said she could never choose one over another, she wants all her friends to best friends.

To me, best friends support you but can also call you on your stuff, challenge you to be a better self.

Coloma's avatar

I don’t really believe in ‘best’ friends, as I don’t believe in ‘soul mates.’

Every person brings something to the table and there is no ‘one size fits all’ in any relatonship.

I have old friends where the biggest commonality is our history, writing friends, animal friends, friends that share certain life experiences, activity friends, philosophizing friends.

If one can find most of the traits and interests in another, that’s great, but, (and especially in romantic relationships ) it is wise to not over burden anyone with being your everything.

At this point, right now for me, my daughter is my best friend in terms of our shared interests, similar personalities, humor and creative sides.

Friends, like life, are ever changing.

marinelife's avatar

I don’t think you have to have a best friend at all times in your life. I have had best friends. Right now my husband is my best friend.

I have many close women friends too.

Soubresaut's avatar

I think it’s odd that your two closest friends would choose to exclude you and then tell you about it, but I don’t think it’s odd not to have someone you would call a “best friend”. It’s really just a label people use. I’ve had only one person in my life I think I would call a best friend, but that was when we were both younger, we’ve kind of become separate now that life has pulled us apart. And that’s okay. We were great friends while we were together.

I never told that best friend of mine everything. If you want to confide yourself in someone, you have to find someone you trust enough with everything, and that’s very hard to actually do. And actually, I did trust my friend. I just didn’t want to tell her everything.
I’m pretty sure I pulled this quote off another jelly’s story: “The secret of being boring is to say everything.” ~Voltaire

If you have people you feel comfortable around and enjoy being with, then you’re ahead. Don’t worry about whether or not you have someone you can label. Friends matter more than the labels they wear.

Pattijo's avatar

I have found that I’m my own best friend , because the one person I thought was my best friend took me for $ 500.00 , and it wasn’t so much the money as it was how she’s ignored me for five years now , and that hurts .

tranquilsea's avatar

I’ve gone for long periods of time without, what I would consider, a best friend. I have one now, although the strength of that friendship is being tested.

I have always found it hard finding people who are interested in the same things I am, who are trustworthy and who I like enough to confide in.

While it is nice when you have someone who is that close it isn’t imperative to your well being…usually.

Do you have someone in your family who you can talk to?

Coloma's avatar


Right, one MUST be their own best friend, able to enjoy and entertain themselves happily.

GTL222's avatar

a bestfriend is somebody that is there when you need them
someone that would do anything for you
someone that will always have your back
someone that is loyal & trust worthy & will not go behind your back.
a bestfriend does not go behind your back and call you names
a bestfriend is someone you can tell everything to & not worry about them telling everbody.

takaboom's avatar

I think “best friend” is a phrase that is highly overused. I am an aloner-type person and even with really good friends that I’m very close to, I always sense some sort of distance; maybe because there are things about me that I never want to tell. Never felt comfortable using or saying that. If someone is my best friend, I would say myself or God.

Don’t feel bad. Plenty of people don’t have best friends either just like you and me. I remember when I was once in school and I had to write a short journal entry on who were or was my best friend. Even though they were good people and I liked them and respected them, I still didn’t feel right saying best friend. I always assumed that was a made-up term used for tv shows.

Since I really don’t care for that phrase or believe in it, I can’t say I know what it means. Even very close relationships there is always some distance with me for I refuse to tell my private business to just anyone. Most friends are seasonal and only last for a period of time until you outgrow them or vice versa.

filmfann's avatar

The old line is Friends Help You Move, Best Friends Help You Move Bodies.
That is true for me, with 2 or 3 of my friends. There are no limits.

MilkyWay's avatar

I myself am a loner and i know exactly what you mean by feeling like a tag-along . . . i think best friends are extremely rare and when and if you find them, that person will automatically feel special. a best friend would be someone who wants to listen, to help, to love, to , to guide, a shoulder to cry on and more.
you can see why they’re so rare.a person who does all this unconditionally is not very easy to be or find in this world. ..

MacBean's avatar

I don’t think it’s necessary to have a best friend, but it sure as hell is nice.

My best friend and I just fit. We can tell each other anything at all, and there’s nothing we wouldn’t do for each other. But we’re also both introverted and can’t deal with clingy people, so we know when to give each other space and wait until we’re needed. We have a lot of the same interests but we also each have a hobby or two that we do alone or with other people. It’s really the most ideal relationship of any kind I’ve ever witnessed or been a part of. I find it extremely comforting that amidst all my dysfunctions and neuroses, there is still something that I can get perfectly right.

Bellatrix's avatar

I think GLT222’s definition of what a ‘best friend’ should be shows how impossible it would be for one person to be all of those things all of the time. So, my feeling is while we may say this person is my best friend, and that may be how it seems at that time, our best friends may and most likely will change over time and as our individual lives and priorities change. And sometimes, we may never have a ‘best friend’. I would say my husband is the closest thing I have ever had to a ‘best friend’ but I know he can’t be everything to me and I wouldn’t want him to be. There are some things I don’t want to talk to him about. There are things I want to talk to my girl friends about.

I think if you have a few really good friends you are blessed. I don’t really feel the need for one, all encompassing ‘best friend’.

The_Inquisitor's avatar

I used to think that it was necessary to have a best friend. Someone to always be with and tell EVERYTHING to… But things have changed, and I guess I have too.

Best friends are not in any way necessary. It’d be absolutely nice to have someone to tell everything to though, and do everything with. But I just have close friends. I really don’t rank my friends anymore. (I did that lots in elementary school, I had a Best friend, a second best friend, a third best friend… etc etc).

Don’t you act different towards different people? You would feel inclined to tell different people different things about yourself as well. Sometimes having a best friend doesn’t really mean you can tell them everything about yourself anyways.

But a close friend is someone you can trust, who will listen to you, someone who is loyal, who you like to spend time with, trusts you in return, will be there for you when you need them… etc.

I actually have many “best friends” then, since most of my close friends are. I’m a very open person though, so I don’t have many secrets that I could only tell certain people.

You don’t need one best friend though, be glad to have close friends. Even if your close friends are closer to each other than to you. They’re still your friend! :D

peridot's avatar

I think the definition changes as time goes on.

My bestie probably doesn’t see me quite the same way.

He’s male; I’m not. When I was a teenager, being female like me was a requirement.

He may or may not know he’s my BFF… whether or not he does is academic. I think he does

He could be replaced… not by whim, but by long and hard deliberation.

genkan's avatar

I believe that most people go through life without having a best friend to tell everything to. It’s not one of those friendships you can ‘force’ into existence. It’s definitely normal to go through life surrounded by friends but without any particularly extremely close friends.

It’s hard to define a best friend. For the longest time, I refused to label one of my friends as my best friend, even though I did tell her everything and everything, and I do call her my best friend nowadays. I didn’t want to jinx the friendship, perhaps. It’s easier to shy away from labels.

At any rate, remember that best friends are not all-encompassing friendships. In other words, a single best friend will not satisfy all your emotional needs. You’ll still need to seek other friendships in your life to fill the gaps. So don’t worry if you go through life without a best friend. It’s nice, but it’s just one of the ways in which to discover social happiness.

viscaria1800's avatar

I mean, it’s not that I don’t have friends, they just all have someone more important to be with, like to tell things to, etc.

answerjill's avatar

As a kid, I never had a best friend and I was kind of ambivalent about it. On one hand, I felt a little envious of the other girls who had best friends. On the other hand, I felt like making such a “commitment” to one person made me nervous. As an adult, though, I have had a series of “best friends.” Right now, in my ‘30s, I would say that I have two of them, but we all live in different cities and they have only met each other maybe once.

Answer this question




to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther