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ucme's avatar

Worst/funniest remarks to utter on your deathbed, would just happen to include?

Asked by ucme (46460points) February 25th, 2011

Not exactly bright & breezy I know, but i’m going to roll with it anyway. That fateful day arrives, your time is finally up. Yeah, that was your life mate…whoosh….& it’s gone. Over in no more than a blink of an eye, relatively speaking that is. Of course it can depend on the circumstances surrounding your impending demise. Let’s for the sake of argument assume you’re on your deathbed, surrounded by loved ones. Maybe a white haired old padre loiters in a darkened corner of the room. In the spirit of humour, dark as that may be, what are some inappropriate, inconsiderate or just plain outrageous final words you could say that would…..well, shake things up a bit.

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20 Answers

iamthemob's avatar

“I wish it were you….” gasp dead.

WasCy's avatar

Nothing I’ve seen so far tops Oscar Wilde’s reported last words:

“Either that wallpaper goes, or I do.”

everephebe's avatar

“Oh I forgot to tell anyone about the priceless buried treasure, I drew a map to it years ago, I’ll tell you where it is… [death-rattle]

peridot's avatar

“Pull my finger. gasp Not… that… hard….... * ”

Jude's avatar

This site is dead today.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

You’re about to see a baked apple. — George Appel, who was executed in an electric chair

MilkyWay's avatar

hmmm, pointing to a random person and sayin : gasp . . . he’s telling me,the angel of death, he’s tellin me, he’s gonna come back tomorrow for . . . gasp and point to a random person… YOU ,,see you tomorrow…. ,, GASP . . . . dead.

thorninmud's avatar

Microsoft Windows XP Professional has encountered a problem and needs to close. We’re sorry for the inconvenience. Would you like to send an error report to Microsoft?

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

All right, then, I’ll say it: Dante makes me sick. — Lope de Vega, Spanish playwright (upon being reassured on his deathbed that his end was near)

MilkyWay's avatar

@thorninmud LOL… good one. I bet they’ll start looking for a switch afterwards…

Kardamom's avatar

A dirty old man gazing upon the backside of his young neice, daughter or family friend and saying, “The end is near. heh heh” Then cacking over dead whilst trying to cop a feel of said lady’s end.

JilltheTooth's avatar


dreamer31's avatar

In a just few minutes, I’m gonna need you to change my underwear…pleas….........

aprilsimnel's avatar

“What did St. Peter say to the sinner at the gate?”


“I don’t know, but I’ll find out in a ”

filmfann's avatar

Let’s have a contest and see who can stop breathing the longest.

I see Jesus! I never imagined he had horns!

I don’t want to be buried. I want my remains to be cast into the Ocean, but don’t you dare cremate me!

Joker94's avatar

I’d go out quoting Watchmen. “It’s a joke…it’s all a joke…Oh, mother forgive me…”

ucme's avatar

Thanks all for entering into the spirit….pun intended….that was inherent in the question. Hilarious to see as per usual, getting kinda lame/old now, that the “gloomy bugger” felt the need to patronise. Don’t like, stay away! Easy when you learn how.

SavoirFaire's avatar

“Damn it… Don’t you dare ask God to help me.”

(Joan Crawford’s last words, said to her housekeeper after the latter began praying out loud.)

“Going… going… gone!” (Stolen from the gravestone of an auctioneer.)

“Tell my wife the coroner is about to find her missing pair of panties…”

filmfann's avatar

From Woody Allen’s “Love and Death”:

I don’t want to be buried. I want to be stuffed with Crab meat.

everephebe's avatar

“Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.”
Voltaire, on his deathbed in response to a priest asking that he renounce Satan.

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