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mazzkat's avatar

Have you ever had an "open" relationship like this before?

Asked by mazzkat (305points) March 27th, 2011

I have a friend who is quite happy for her girlfriend to sleep with other people. She only considers it cheating if she promises the other person she’ll be their girlfriend. She seems very content in this relationship as long as they’re both open and honest with each other.

Has anyone ever had this kind of relationship or would you want it? Is their concept of commitment wrong or should more people be open to this lifestyle?

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14 Answers

augustlan's avatar

As long as this is the arrangement they’ve both agreed to, I honestly don’t see anything wrong with it. Open relationships are certainly not for everyone, but if they are happy with it, more power to them.

Bellatrix's avatar

If it works for them, it’s fine. It would only be a problem if it isn’t working for one of them. It isn’t for me but I don’t see it as wrong. I think we should all be open to letting adults choose how they run their own relationships. If it doesn’t affect me, I try not to judge.

creative1's avatar

Everyone has their own preferece of lifestye choice I could not personally do it but I haven’t got a problem with anyone else who wants that type of life. Both people in the relationship have to want it and the others they are with have to know they have a open relationship with someone else just so they are not hurting other people bringing them into this open relationship.

But as I always say to each their own!

12Oaks's avatar

Never had it, never want it. It’s wrong for me, anyway.

PS In my day, we used to refer to that sort of thing as “seeing each other.” Other times it was referred to as “playing the field.” Some times even called that “dating” and committment didn’t occur until engagement happened. It’s hardly a new, groundbreaking concept.

marinelife's avatar

It is not something that I would choose for myself.

downtide's avatar

My partner and I have similar “rules” in our marriage (although a little more specific – rather not go into details) and it’s worked pretty well for us. It’s fine if all parties involved are in agreement, but if one person isn;t happy about it that’s when trouble starts.

Written's avatar

You have hundreds of different relationships. People experiment. Nothing wrong in that.

mazzkat's avatar

@augustlan She doesn’t refer to it as an ‘open’ relationship, however. This is a real relationship for her and a lot of people seem not to understand that as if one concept and meaning to a relationship has been written as a rule somewhere.

@downtide Great stuff! :) I’m glad to hear you’ve sustained a great marriage in similar circumstances. She wants to marry this girl and wants it to stay this way, so it’s nice to hear it’s going well for you.

@marinelife Is that because you’d prefer the peace of mind in knowing you are with someone who loves you wholeheartedly and only you?

Seelix's avatar

There’s a Jelly who’s in an open relationship; I’m wondering if she’ll show up to answer this.

I personally wouldn’t be okay with this kind of relationship. I’m a one-man gal, and I need to have a one-gal man. I suppose I’ve come to see sex as an expression of love. Some people have a more casual attitude toward sex, and hey – if it works for them, more power to ‘em.

As long as all parties are comfortable with the setup, and as long as everyone’s safe and healthy, I think it’s totally cool. Just not for me.

stardust's avatar

I don’t see the problem as long as they’re both happy to go along with it. It’s not something I’d like myself – to me it’d be more along the lines of a friends with benefits relationship.

nikipedia's avatar

Tried it. Didn’t work out. Don’t think it would have if the relationship had been closed, either, though.

augustlan's avatar

@mazzkat I didn’t mean to imply that an ‘open’ relationship isn’t a real relationship. I understand that they’re not just dating and are in a committed relationship. I just meant that sex outside the relationship is allowed.

marinelife's avatar

Yes, that is what it means. I don’t think the level of relationships can stay balanced when sex with others enters into things.

It is not the one-on-one partnership that I find so fulfilling.

ETpro's avatar

I’m not the least concerned about it morally. If it works for them, it’s fine with me. I might even envy them except that it seems to me rather high-risk behavior in these days. Until we have reliable cures for all sexually transmitted diseases, I say if you have already had sex with others, get tested before getting into a relationship then stay fluid bonded with that one person. In other words, once both parties are certain they are disease free, they can enjoy unprotected sex without concern for spreading or contracting disease as long as those two individuals stay true ot one another.

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