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wundayatta's avatar

Did you ever divorce someone you still loved?

Asked by wundayatta (58638points) May 22nd, 2011

What happened? Why did you get the divorce if you still loved your spouse? Are you glad you did get the divorce or was it a big mistake?

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10 Answers

augustlan's avatar

Yes, I did. We still loved each other very much, in fact. However, for about the last 8 years of our 17 year marriage, we made each other’s lives miserable. After several attempts to correct the situation, including 2 separate bouts of marriage counseling over that time, we finally accepted that our relationship would never get better.

We had several big talks to try and decide whether we should stay together anyway or cut our losses. In the end, we decided that life was too short to stay in a very dysfunctional marriage, and that even the kids would be better off not living in a chronically unhappy household. When we went to a mediator to draw up our separation agreement, we held hands as we worked our way through it. We refused to heed our (separate) attorneys’ advice to take advantage of each other, and always kept the childrens’ best interests foremost in our minds. Our actual divorce was probably the ‘best’ divorce anyone could possibly have. The period of time just after separation is a whole ‘nother story. We fought like never before for quite a while. It was a huge adjustment, for both of us and our children. We’re mostly back on very friendly ground, now, but definitely don’t love each other any more.

It was very, very sad, (and later, very, very bad), but looking back, I’m 100% certain it was the right thing to do for our family. We are all (including the children) much happier, now.

eyemadreamer's avatar

I didn’t have a divorce per se, but I just ended a long relationship with someone who I do still “love”.

Sometimes it is just the right thing to do – and the right thing to do isn’t always what you want to do. I just realized one day that it was the only way to go. If one of us had not taken charge I am sure we would have made each other exceedingly miserable. I was sure it was the correct thing to do when all I felt afterwards was a huge wave of relief. All in all, our “divorce” was the best possible route to take. I can’t say I am happy that it happened, but I firmly believe it has done both of us a favor. Today I am looking forward to walking out into the sunshine and feeling free for the first time in a very long time.

SABOTEUR's avatar

Yeah, but it wasn’t my choice.
She was the one who didn’t want to be married, so she split.

We divorced a few years later.

Scooby's avatar

I loved to hate her, after I found out she was messing around with her work colleagues…. Still not only that she was hiding the debt she’d got me into! :-/ I still love to hate her. almost eleven years on….....

derekfnord's avatar

Yes. Just because you love each other, doesn’t mean you’re right for each other…

Cruiser's avatar

Yes….it took me a while to see past the shock and pain of what we really going on to realize it was for the best. Good friends and a really good lawyer knocked some sense into me….thank God! ;)

snowberry's avatar

My daughter did. He was (and still is) chronically unemployed. Wouldn’t do a thing to help around the house, with the kids, anything. She divorced him to save her sanity.

skfinkel's avatar

There was a wonderful song Randy Newman sang about this: I think it was called, I miss You. It was written while he was happily married to someone else. But it sounds like many people never get over that first love—if it was love to start. For the record, I know a number of people who did divorce, and now wish they hadn’t, even if the love was gone. Always I hard decision, I am sure. Here’s the Newman song:

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Yes. I married my best friend and we stayed married for 7 years but had returned to being platonic in the last few years. We didn’t want to divorce because we still enjoyed each other’s company over anyone else, we loved our joint friends/families but we were lonely in terms of wanting the type of physical affection young lovers should have. I think if we’d been in our late 70’s and had the same situation then we might have remained together but at just under 30yrs old, we didn’t want to chance missing out on the whole package.

I don’t think either of us has regrets since we have both gone on to have “normal” relationships” with others. Our friendship has lasted 26 years and we are about to attend one another’s upcoming weddings.

captainsmooth's avatar

I divorced my ex wife as quickly as possible even though I still love her. She had an affair with the married next door neighbor, continued the affair after getting caught, never admitted anything, never really apologized, lied to her therapists and friends about what really went down, still gets angry at me for ridiculous things post divorce, continues to 1) lie about all kinds of stuff and 2)say she still loves me and wants to rebuild us. Told her all she had to do was be honest and I would’ve given it a shot because I loved her and our family intensely.

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