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rock4ever's avatar

Why am I so messed up emotionally?

Asked by rock4ever (1851points) June 26th, 2011

I almost never cry. I try my hardest not to cry no matter what. It’s because anytime I cry for the next week or so after I’m just completely miserable. If I bottle it up then even though I feel a little sad I can still enjoy my day. Sometimes it just all gets to me and I can’t take it. When I do cry, even just a little bit even if it’s not even emotional tears, I can barely get myself threw the day. I feel like I did when I went through depression. Since I don’t cry I usually turn to the the outlet of anger. I’ve been trying to control it, but I often get angered and flip on people who don’t deserve it. The anger consumes me and I usually let it because it feels better than crying. At least with anger I can let it pass and get on with my day. Why does crying make me feel depressed for days? Not being able to cry naturally is eating me alive and making me into someone I’m not.

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17 Answers

Jellie's avatar

Have you considered seeing a psychiatrist? My friend had the same symptoms ended up being diagnosed with OCD. Maybe you’re depression has come back. You should get it checked soon as my friend who I mentioned almost killed himself because he didn’t know what was going on with him. Thank god he failed at the attempt

marinelife's avatar

You really need to not hold your emotions inside. All that does is magnify them or twist them into something else.

Working with a therapist could help you safely release the lifetime’s worth of bottled up tears that you have.

Vunessuh's avatar

Work on changing the way you look at crying. Perhaps you’re a little wrapped up in the stigma behind it. Does crying make you feel weak or inadequate or does it make you feel out of control of your own life? I think crying can actually help us remain in control. It’s not an unhealthy behavior. I cry privately when I really need to release that emotion and once I’ve coped with whatever was making me emotional, I can better focus on the rest of my day. If I hold it inside for too long, I become really anxious and distracted and unhappy.

You probably feel so “messed up emotionally” because you’re not allowing yourself the time to cry when your body and mind really need it. If it makes you truly depressed to cry, I can understand where it would be hard to do so, but that’s where you have to work on your own perception of the action itself. Does that make sense?

Crying does not make you weak. Try to dismiss your hang-ups about it and understand that it’s not healthy to bottle up your emotions and that it can weaken your body and state of mind if you don’t give yourself what you need. Besides, if you cry privately, no one is going to know anyway. If you really want someone to listen to you, but you don’t feel comfortable expressing such strong emotions in front of a friend or family member (and a lot of people don’t because of how vulnerable and exposed it makes them feel), then perhaps you can talk to a therapist.

You can drop me a line anytime you want.


rock4ever's avatar

@Vunessuh That’s the thing though. I don’t view crying as weak. I view crying a necessity. Something to release the extra hormones from a stressful/sad situation. I don’t feel weak from crying I just feel down. My life can be going perfect, the birds chirping, people around me treating me with some respect, being able to go hiking for the day, but for some reason if for a moment something gets to me and I cry then for the next week or so I’m just a wreck. I don’t get it?

trickface's avatar

I don’t mean to condescend, but you are a very young girl and they tend to be more emotionally fragile no matter how badass they are. Fingers crossed you’ll grow out of it years from now :)

You’re just an emotionally volatile bear

YARNLADY's avatar

Hormones are in charge. When your body acclimates itself, you will notice a change for the better. See your doctor for some tips.

rock4ever's avatar

@trickface I’ve always been interested in the human mind, and I study and analyze people every second of my life. I have never seen this before in anyone. I don’t think you get what I’m saying. So this is normal? On days that I feel sad I have complete and total fear that during the night I’ll start crying. I sit up all night trying to keep myself occupied so I can prevent myself from crying. I never make it threw one day with out shuddering and nearly screaming out of frustration from the thought I might have the urge to cry. I’ve tried just letting it all out, and I’ve tried not thinking anything of it, but it eats me alive. Is that really normal? I really hope you did understand what I was saying. I really hope you’re right, but I doubt that it’s normal.

trickface's avatar

You’re super intelligent for even trying to wrestle with your emotions at 14 years of age, but let me try it this way. It’s as our dame @YARNLADY says, it’s all fueled by hormones! These are the worst things, totally anti-productive and a very strange and abstract fuel for emotions, meaning you can’t control them in any way. You’re trying to apply commendable logic and reason towards emotion, and this is something people do all throughout their entire lives! Logic vs emotion is an ugly, ugly battle!

In many ways you’re getting the worst of it right now :) Most people your age for certain do not even try and grasp their emotions like you are now. I don’t know how you’ll fix the problem but I’m near certain they will fade out as you grow older, but we don’t know how soon.

More people than you expect are batshit emotional crazytards so don’t get yourself down about that, @Vunessuh sounds right too, one small thing you can do to help yourself is cry a little more, you may even get more used to it.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

“I feel like I did when I went through depression.”

Then do whatever you did to overcome that depression.

rock4ever's avatar

Thanks all! I feel a little better by talking about it with you guys. At least I know I’m not a complete loon! :)

Kayak8's avatar

Imagine that you spend 13 years living in the same place, with the same people and everything is calm and easy. Then suddenly you move and everything is different. That is what happens when you go through puberty, the sudden onslaught of emotions is actually the sudden onslaught of chemicals hitting your brain in a new way. Puberty is a time when your brain is making a wild ass number of new connections and is developing in ways that it never has before.

This is your chance to just go with the feeling of the moment. The changes from anger to crying are pretty much part of the deal. It can be worse for the more sensitive among us. There is little you can do to control it as it is a chemical thing. Your body just has to learn to live with the new chemical concoction that is bathing your brain—it really happens, it just takes time.

If it ever feels like more than you can handle, talking to a trusted adult (parent, counselor, pastor) is a great idea as they are in a good position to separate what is normal adolescence from depression. As your body is changing on the outside, your brain is actually changing on the inside. While you may feel like you are losing it, most of that sensation is normal development.

YoBob's avatar

Not to make light, but puberty is nothing. Just wait until you have to submit yourself to the daily emotional abuse of the corporate world for 20 years in order to support your family and you will look back on those days you thought you were “messed up” and laugh.

sliceswiththings's avatar

Google “PMDD.” That’s why I was so messed up emotionally. Your case reminds me of myself a few years ago. I was so out of sorts for no apparent reason all the time. I mentioned it to my mom who thought it could be hormone-related, which my gynocologist confirmed. I started a Birth Control pill meant to help balance my hormones (ever seen a Yaz commercial?). This was a life-saver. It basically evened out my body chemistry, and my emotions started making sense again. I was rational, I was cheerful, and I was in control. It’s been three awesome years since, and I am SO glad I talked to my gyno about this. PMDD has many symptoms in common with depression! Good luck, @rock4ever!

wundayatta's avatar

I believe that most guys don’t cry, not because it’s unmanly, but because we can’t. Or if we can, it only comes out as watery eyes. Personally, I’ve found that crying makes me feel much worse. It does not help. It does seem to help women.

Anyway, maybe you’re more like a guy in this way? Crying makes you feel worse. Your instinct is to shut it down and get angry instead. To save yourself from the misery that follows crying.

cheebdragon's avatar

Who isn’t a little emotionally fucked up?...Some cry too much, others dont cry at all. Personally, I laugh when I see people cry and also when I see people get hurt….

mikesbetsy's avatar

I laugh when people get hurt too. Which is not something you want your five year old copying at school or on the play ground. But I teach them to check and make sure they are ok, and that they know your not laughing at them, but at the circumstances.

cheebdragon's avatar

@mikesbetsy it’s like live bloopers! I feel bad about doing it, but I just can’t help it. I have an aunt who absolutely hates my brother and I because we couldn’t keep ourselves from laughing at my little cousin when he ran into a wall (he’s blind in one eye, I’m a horrible person, I know, but believe me when I say, he is a huge brat and he kinda had it coming that day.)

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