Social Question

Pandora's avatar

How would you feel if you bought a well thought out gift for someone and they gave it to someone else and replaced it with a better version?

Asked by Pandora (29774points) June 28th, 2011

If you bought someone a really nice gift that you put weeks of thought and research into buying for someone and they replaced it with a new version that just has more bells and whistles but nothing necessary;
Would your feelings be hurt?
Would you just give them money next time and tell them to go shopping?
Or would you just not bother with getting them a gift again?
Or would you just not care? It just matters they got what they apparently really wanted.
Or something else all together different.

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13 Answers

JLeslie's avatar

Not hurt.

Next time probably would give them money, or try to find out exactly what they wanted.

Linda_Owl's avatar

It would, most likely, make me less interested in making the effort to find just the “right” gift for this person.

JLeslie's avatar

Weeks of thought, seems like a lot of thought.

Photosopher's avatar

Chances are the camera you might think to buy me as a gift would end up in the hands of my little sister. You just couldn’t associate with the philosophies I have about my photo gear. Not an insult. I couldn’t associate with the philosophies you have about certain things either.

I was once given a very expensive office chair, and out of courtesy, used it simply to appease the giver. Thankful as I was, the chair was not suited to me. An office chair is a very personal item, and if given as a gift, should be consulted upon.

So take consolation that the joy of giving is truly in the giving, and not in the praise.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

This is why I give cash. With some things like electronics, it’s almost like you can’t win unless you know exactly what the person would choose for themselves. Sometimes it happens and I try to tell myself the person appreciated my efforts anyhow.
I’m marrying someone with 3 teenagers, I’ve run up against this.

Pandora's avatar

@Photosopher I get that. But what if it was exactly the camera you had asked for months ago and shortly after getting the gift you happen to find one a bit better but it had things you really wasn’t interested in before and probably really won’t be interested in using.
Lets pretend for some mysterious reason you didn’t want a camera that was digital because you feel the old style cameras seem more authentic and so someone got you exactly the type of camera you wanted and even went beyond what you wanted. Then you see this digital camera a few weeks later and decides to get that and gives away the new camera. But what you really like is developing your own film and now this new camera won’t allow you to do that.
Shouldn’t you have been honest with the person way before they bothered to research things and make an effort to get you a perfect gift?

Pandora's avatar

@Neizvestnaya Oh, yeah. Electronics suck and so do people who can’t make up their mind. I think in the future I will just give him money. He can buy his own stuff and surprise himself.
I’m done.
I was raised to appreciate all gifts bought from the heart. Even if I saw something better.
I remember a friend of my daughter who bought me a bear trinket that didn’t go with any of my Christmas decorations. My son asked me why did I put it up in the center of the tree because he knew I was picky about my decorations. I told him because it was different. I didn’t explain it further but to me the gift was special because she knew I loved decorations and she had little money and bought me a gift because she loved me like a second mom.
To me the only gifts I’ve never appreciated in some way where the gift bought out of obligation and you can tell they really put no effort or care into getting it.
Like the guy who tells his secretary to buy his wife a nice gift for his wife or kids on birthdays or holidays. In cases like this, they probably wouldn’t care if you exchanged it.

Haleth's avatar

@Pandora Is it really necessary to place so much importance on gifts? The relationship and the time spent together are the most important things you can share with a person. There seems to be something passive-aggressive about putting so much time and effort into finding a gift, and then judging the recipient for what they decide to do with it. Once the gift is given, it’s out of your hands.

I’m pretty broke, so I’ve never given anyone an expensive present like electronics. But if it’s something very expensive/ personal, I would consult with the person thoroughly or buy it together to make sure they get exactly what they want and that my efforts are not wasted. During the time you spent searching for the gift, a better model could have come out, and the new features might actually be important to the recipient.

I have made artwork for people before as a present, and that does take a lot of time and effort. A painting I made for my grandmother at Christmas is still tucked in the corner, waiting to be framed. That doesn’t bother me at all because it takes a long time for her to get to anything, and it’s her painting now.

JLeslie's avatar

@Pandora If it was something they had said they wanted previously, I am sure they really appreciated the gift, and realized you made a true effort. Did the recipient do you the courtesy of telling you they were going to get a different model? I guess they might not if they know you might be hurt.

Hibernate's avatar

This is why I do not buy presents without asking them .

This is why when I buy presents for others I take them with me .

[ I sometimes give them money sop they can buy what they want or spend the money as they see fit ]

Aethelflaed's avatar

I guess I would wonder what I missed in not knowing what they really wanted. I’d probably end up feeling a bit sheepish for putting that much time and effort into a gift, instead of into the relationship and getting to know them better.

lonelydragon's avatar

I would be disappointed, but would try not to take it to heart because, after all, it is a gift and they can do what they please with it. Next time, I would invest a little less effort and buy them a gift card to their favorite store.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Just recently my fiancee gave me an Android tablet he got at a phenomenal price even though he knows I wanted an iPad, enough to buy it for myself. I think I jinxed myself talking about the electronics.~

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