General Question

willbrawn's avatar

Is loving someone enough?

Asked by willbrawn (6606points) April 28th, 2008 from iPhone

so I got in a rough talk with my girlfriend. Basically I’m not the person who she thought I was. She wants to live life and be able to travel. I seem to get into dead end situations like my job and not finishing school. I asked her to marry me about 4 weeks ago. Any advice with what you know? Is love enough to bind two people or should they have more common interests and find someone more
compatiable?

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21 Answers

PupnTaco's avatar

You’ll need some basic compatibility to make a relationship successful. Take some time off to work on your Self. When the time is right, you’ll find your match.

rking1487's avatar

I think love is having common interests and being compatible along with many other things. You also say you had a “rough” talk with your girlfriend, I hope that does not indicate violence. I think you should have an open line of communication with your significant other and establish your expectations and goals of your relationship. I think your age would also be helpful to make any further evaluation of the situation.

willbrawn's avatar

no violence. Just a lot of crying and putting goals and expectations out there with no bullshit. Just cut and dry kind of thing. And I’m 23 she is 21.

kevbo's avatar

If there isn’t compatibility, there at least needs to be a degree of acceptance for the differences as well as a working agreement so that both partners don’t have to completely sacrifice their own sources of happiness for the sake of the other.

Also, loving someone isn’t enough if you don’t love yourself as well. “Loving yourself” can mean avoiding situations and people that bring you undue misery as well as accepting your own strengths and flaws and creating emotional or mental space to nurture that imperfect but improving self throughout life.

bulbatron9's avatar

The answer to your question!

Also, buy her a fucking 2 carat rock!

wildflower's avatar

Loving each other is enough to care and want to be with each other…....but you’ll need more practical compatibility to avoid being (living) together becoming a constant test of your love. You’ll need some form of friendship/partnership.

kevbo's avatar

Also, from the language and tone of your question, I just want to point out that it sounds like you’re somewhat used to being browbeaten by women. (For example, you’re defining the discussion you had on her terms.) Probably every guy needs a great girl to give him a push now and then, but I’d guess that you also need to develop some more backbone somewhere along the way.

If you view this indictment as a healthy challenge for you to do better, then go for it, but if you’re constantly apologizing for every step you take, then you should at some point recognize that you have the option to just be satisfied with who you are and she or any other girl can take it or leave it.

psyla's avatar

What’s you guys birthdates? I’ll give you the Chinese and Western zodiac scoop.

bulbatron9's avatar

@psyla I can do that shit myself! What are you going to google it?

psyla's avatar

Also, I need bulbatron9’s birthday because I just watched that video.

psyla's avatar

No, I do all that astrology in my head. I can draw up a Feng Shui map or two also.

bulbatron9's avatar

@psyla I’m 28! Sesame St. fucking rocks! When are you going to change your pic, Johnny Astrology? You can read my profile, if you want to know a little about me!

Why haven’t you “Computer generated” some artwork on your avatar?

It looks nothing like Darth Vader!

psyla's avatar

My pic looks like Chthulthu wearing a Darth Vader helmet.

wildflower's avatar

psyla…...could not have said it better! – you really should add that to this thread.

psyla's avatar

What does the picture look like?

bulbatron9's avatar

A jellyfish!

psyla's avatar

Gruss Von Gott!

Babo's avatar

No, its a lot, but its not always enough.

scamp's avatar

Love is enough to get you together, but it takes compromise on both parts to keep you together through the years. If you are considering a life with someone, you should have the same basic goals for your life together, and be able to agree on a compromise on the things you want that are different.

At 23, you are too young to think of yourself as being in a dead end position in your life. There is still time to go back to school, change careers, or anything you want to do to make a brighter future for yourself, so don’t give up just yet.

You said she wants to travel. Is that something you want to do as well? If so, you can do that, but maybe just not right now. You didnt really say too much about your girlfriend, but from the little you did say, it’s sounding like she still has her head in the clouds, so the two of you need to do some more talking about the future and your hopes and expectations before you decide when or if to marry. Don’t rush into anything, you have plenty of time.

chaosrob's avatar

You’re 23. What the hell are you doing getting married at that age!?

blueberryme's avatar

Don Henley and Patty Smyth would say no, ”sometimes love just ain’t enough”. It’s a good song; I’d give it a listen. Good luck to you.

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