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bobbinhood's avatar

Do you say something when you notice that a fellow jelly has been a little off?

Asked by bobbinhood (5894points) July 19th, 2011

I have noticed a particular jelly that is normally very sweet is currently much more combative. Since I spend most of my time on Fluther reading rather than interacting, I haven’t really interacted much with this jelly. Thus, I don’t feel like it is my place to approach the person about it, but the shift in behavior has me concerned that something is wrong. While I don’t interact as much as many people, the amount of time I spend reading makes me get to know and care about the people that do respond more consistently. So, I care about and am worried for this person, but if I were to express my concern, it would be coming from a stranger.

What about you? When you notice that someone is not themselves, how do you respond? Do you let it go because they wouldn’t recognize you if you tried, or do you send them a PM to let them know you care? What other ways do you respond when you notice someone is a bit off their normal game?

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29 Answers

Jude's avatar

PM them. I don’t see a problem with it.

Seelix's avatar

I don’t see a problem with it either. What’s the worst that’ll happen? Said Jelly will say “it’s none of your business”.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

There was an opportunity to reach out to one via PM a short while back. I didn’t take it. Now, that member is gone. There is regret on my part. I won’t let it happen again.

Porifera's avatar

PM them by all means. I know I have received a couple of PMs from total strangers* that have made me smile. *(Well since I am failry new here most jellies are still strangers to me and I have only interacted with a couple of them.)

Seaofclouds's avatar

I’d send a PM if I was concerned. Go for it.

intrepidium's avatar

I believe most if not all jellies are here in the first place because they have the spirit of sharing & caring enough to help others. Your desire to reach out to a specific jelly doesn’t seem out of place and if tactfully done, would probably be greeted in the right spirit as well… good luck!

whitenoise's avatar

I’d tell and I think you should share your observation through PM.

Good intentions count and will be appreciated. I had people reach out to me that I didn’t expect and always appreciated it.

Such a nice question

augustlan's avatar

I’ve definitely done it, and most times the jelly is appreciative. It’s also gone badly a time or two, though, so be prepared for that. If it’s something you’re not comfortable doing, you could always ask someone who knows them better to send them a PM.

SpatzieLover's avatar

Sometimes I’ll just send them a “Hi! How’ve you been doing lately?” PM. If they’re willing to share, then you’ve opened the door for them. If not, then you don’t have to take it any further unless you want to.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

I frequently reach out to jellies who seem to be stressed or depressed.

marinelife's avatar

I have had people reach out to me, and I have reached out to people. I welcome it. Others I have approached have usually responded positively.

Kayak8's avatar

I have had the same observation about a jelly lately so thanks for asking the question!

cockswain's avatar

I don’t like being called out like this.

Jeruba's avatar

I’ve done it, and I think it’s fine as long as you do it with care. It could easily sound like criticism or fault-finding if the person thinks you’re saying they’ve been moody or snappish lately.

I can tell you from my own experience that during times when I’ve been deeply troubled and struggling hard to maintain an even keel, the last thing I wanted was for someone to let me know my cover wasn’t working. If they had said “Is something wrong? You don’t seem yourself lately,” I probably would have gone to pieces.

(Please note that I am speaking now of people I have personal contact with and not people I know only online.)

At the same time, if they just said “I’ve been a bit worried about you. Is there anything I can do?” I would have felt their warmth and concern and been grateful.

Maybe just a friendly greeting without mention of a cause is the best idea.

jrpowell's avatar

It would depend on the wording like @SpatzieLover said. You sound depressed and Long time no see. How are you doing? come across differently.

Cruiser's avatar

I give them a pie in the face and the flavor usually directly reflects how I feel about their behavior. I am saving the garlic, jalapeno and blue cheese for a very special occasion! ;)

Blueroses's avatar

I think everybody likes to see the Messages For You notification lit up. I’ve gotten a “hey, is everything alright?” PM from someone I don’t know very well and it was just the jolt I needed to see that my attitude needed adjusting if a relative stranger was aware of it.

Sincere concern is never wasted.

Berserker's avatar

I’ve done so in PM a few times. It usually goes well, even if they don’t say much to me. That’s okay, I don’t expect or demand it. I have some friends I’m there for, and they know it. I really wish I could fix some people’s problems just like that, but that’s not possible. But one can always be there to be a shoulder, so to speak. All the demons under my feet sure know that some on here have done this for me.
I have to add though, whenever something like this comes up, it’s usually something I pick up from private conversations, rather than what I see posted openly on Fluther. But if I did notice it and it was someone I liked, I’d do the same anyhow.

Bellatrix's avatar

I would and have done it. As long as you aren’t prying but are instead showing concern and offering support if required, I think most people will get that. It is one of the lovely things about this community. I hope if I am ever “a bit off” people will care enough to ask if I’m okay. It’s nice you asked and checked though @bobbinhood before leaping in too I think.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

I would send the PM.
I do it.

AshLeigh's avatar

I’ve had people PM me when I seemed upset. I thought it was really sweet, and they’ve even made me feel better.
Go for it.

linguaphile's avatar

Go for it—PM them. They might not even realize they’re ‘off,’ and if they know they are, it’s an opportunity for them to explain why, if they wanted to. I agree with the others that say it might make them feel better.
I do notice shifts in the overall Fluther tone- some weeks Fluther’s more funny, sometimes more ‘hyper,’ some weeks it seems more combative, and some weeks seems more inane or irrelevant, some weeks so serious or technical. I think that’s the nature of Fluther to go through those small waves of change, so I wonder if we, individually, go through our ‘waves’ too.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Send them a PM and say whatever it is in your head. This is how friendships often begin in interspace.

everephebe's avatar

Pour love at their feet and ask them what is up via PM, cheer ‘em up & and cheer them on.
On a personal note. I’m a dr. jekyll and mr. hyde flutherer myself, at times. So I have off my days. If I am at least on of these: funny, loving, helpful, silly, articulate, or thoughtful…. please ignore me or pm me.

everephebe's avatar

correction if I am not at least one

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

Glad you clarified, @everephebe. I was about to send a message of concern.

Hibernate's avatar

Though you gotta be careful how you explain things. If he’s combative he/she can interpret it as an attack of some sort. And mostly depends on the person.

You wanna do something about it then you do it. If not then you just live with that feeling.

bobbinhood's avatar

Thanks for your input, everyone. The person seems back to normal now, but I will definitely remember this in the future. I love being part of a community that is so caring.

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