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Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Anybody got any good flood jokes?

Asked by Adirondackwannabe (36640points) September 8th, 2011

We got hammered yesterday and it’s still going. I’d rather laugh than cry. We’ve got river levels 12 feet over flood stage. So I could use a laugh.

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22 Answers

erichw1504's avatar

A man was sitting on his front porch when it started to rain. The rain came down harder and harder and the man realized that it was a flood. So the flood waters were rising and when the water started to spill over the porch, a man in a rowboat comes by. And the man in the rowboat says, “Need any help?”

But the man said, “Nope, the Lord’ll take care of me!” A few hours later, the man was standing on a chair on his front porch and another rowboat comes by.

And the man inside yells, “Need any help?”

But the man smiles and says, “Nope, the Lord’ll take care of me!”

A few hours later, the man is on his roof and a helicopter comes by and the pilot inside yells, “Need any help?!”

But the man just says, “Nope! The Lord’ll take care of me!”

A few hours later, the flood gets to be too much for the man and he drowns. When he enters Heaven, he asks the Lord, “Lord, why didn’t you take care of me?”

The Lord says, “Well, I sent you two rowboats and a helicopter!”

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@erichw1504 Thanks I loved that one.

Cruiser's avatar

ooops…this is the best I can do then! ;)

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, “Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?” The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. “I can’t dear,” she said. “I have to sleep in Daddy’s room.”
A long silence was broken at last by a shaken little voice saying, “The big sissy.”

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Cruiser Thanks but E was faster on the keyboard.:)

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

I don’t have any yet, but sit tight because Noah’s on his way to your place and he may know some.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate Thanks. We’re still working on sending some of this damn rain your way.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Awwww, thanks for tryin’ love. A nice soaking rain would be lovely, especially if it would pound out those fires. /sigh

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate What the hell is going on in the world? You’re burning up, we’ve got water several feet deep in the streets.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Yeah… wish we could meet somewhere in the middle, eh? =0)

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

My lights are flickering if I disappear for awhile.

Brian1946's avatar

Sometime after Katrina hit New Orleans in 2005, someone asked Bush what his stand on Roe vs. Wade was.

He replied, “I heard the water’s real deep there, so you gotta Roe”.

Ayesha's avatar

It was a terrible storm. Six inches of rain had fallen in the
first twenty-four hours. Eight had fallen on the second day. The
entire town was flooded. Over at the Bronson house, little Jimmy
Bronson, eight-years-old, sat at the window of his upstairs room
and stared outside. He was looking at a sun hat that was floating
in one direction for a while, then seemed to get caught up and
start to float back toward the house. The process went on for hours.
Jimmy’s uncle came by the house to see if all was well, and saw
his nephew staring. He started to look too, and couldn’t understand
why the hat kept moving up and back, up and back.
Finally he asked Jimmy, “What’s going on down there?”
Jimmy said, “That’s Pa. Last week he said, `Come hell or high
water, I’m going to mow the lawn Saturday!’”
Hope you’re holding up ok.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Ayesha That was great. It’s jellies like you that are keeping me going.

erichw1504's avatar

It was raining so much I saw a sparrow putting sandbags around its nest!

Cruiser's avatar

Here are some pics to bring a smile or pucker factor…

Ayesha's avatar

Hope you feel better! You already have a positive outlook, since ‘You’d rather laugh than cry’.
Plus so far, the jokes are looking good.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

We’re getting a mini break right now. It’s not raining. God help those downstream from us. The runoff is unbelievable. Everything is totally shutdown. I’m surprised we still have power. My family has all checked in and so good so far. The water is supposed to crest late today. Thanks for everything guys!

dappled_leaves's avatar

Here’s an Irish flood classic for you!

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Made it through the best we could. The sunday paper’s headline was “Trashed”. Binghamton and Owego, as well as Pennsylvannia are a mess. Good news is the sun is shining and I’m always amazed at the resilence of people around here.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Glad to know you’re safe!

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate Thanks. I hate floods worse than any other disaster. There’s nothing you can do about them, except wait for the water to go down.

erichw1504's avatar

I drove through Binghamton on Friday and I saw a soccer field that had apparently turned into water polo.

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