General Question

missunderstood's avatar

How can you get over someone that you deeply cared about? Sometimes it can be so hard.

Asked by missunderstood (45points) May 7th, 2008
Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

17 Answers

Alina1235's avatar

I got over a toxic relationship that I thought will never end by complelety falling for another man. I was lucky and it was not simple with him at first, but he kept my attention so much, I married him 5 years later lol, yeah 5 years!!!

cage's avatar

Well, I try to watch vids of me and my mates having a laugh, or just do things with them. Don’t go out and about. Just stay at home with them. This way you’re doing something with people you love and you’re having a good time without that someone. You’ll realise you don’t always need them to be happy.
It can be terrible I know and it may take a while. It seems like it’ll last forever, it won’t.
hope that helps :)

Randy's avatar

Time and staying busy is what helps me get over someone I really care about.

beware's avatar

Time is a great healer.

Fallstand's avatar

Keep busy.. Do as many things as possible.. Go out with friends and enjoy the single life cause its awesome..sometimes..

psyla's avatar

I would immediately go out and find someone else to fall in love with. Falling in love cures what ails you.

truckling's avatar

find out if the reasons its so hard to get over this person are actually about the person or internal reasons within you that have nothing to do with him/her. I know that sounds complicated but I had a really hard time getting over a woman who dumped me because I didnt make enough money. oddly, I don’t think about her when my business Is going well, and when its not, I start thinking about her. its not really her I’m trying to get over; its my own insecurities around money, or status or achievement that then attach to thinking about her. hope that helps of makes sense

Randy's avatar

@psyla- I know from my experiences that once I’m hurt from a relationship, the worst idea is to try to find someone else asap. If I’m hurt, then I’m obviously not over the person and if I cling to someone else before I get over the privious girl, I tend to associate the two as one. Basically, it never ends well. I’m not saying your wrong though, everyones different I suppose.

TheHaight's avatar

I agree with randy. Immediately going out and finding someone doesnt really help. Ittl just be rebound after rebound… And also sounds so confusing because you aren’t really giving a chance for your heart to heal. I don’t think immediately jumping into another relationship is healthy at all. Maybe because I have witnessed it first hand with a friend. Enjoy your independence! Have fun, don’t feel like you need another person to make you “whole”. And by having all that fun, you do tend to find that special someone when you least expect it.

Good luck, missinderstood.

DeezerQueue's avatar

It’s never easy and there is no one, simple solution. You will most likely always have feelings for this person, we deeply care for people because of what they bring to our lives. Their departure from our lives doesn’t lead to a correlating decrease in our feelings for them.

However, you recognize that you would like to move on, a recognition that it’s somehow impeding your own happiness, carrying around a sense of loss. You’ve made the first and most important step in the process.

Now you have to consciously decide that you want to end those feelings because they’re not working for you any longer. I recommend giving your feelings perspective. How important are these lingering feelings to your future? Are they emotions that are going to assist you in attaining any goals that you have? By taking a look at your emotions in a practical fashion you can begin to deal with just how much time and energy you give them.

This should take you to a place where you can implement practical methods to get busy with other things that can take the space and place of those emotions, taking up a new hobby, looking at furthering your education or knowledge in some area, basically to fill up the non-productive time with more productive things.

Good luck and much strength.

scamp's avatar

I agree with Randy and TheHaight . Give yourself some time to heal before you look for another boyfriend. Surround yourself with frinds, and keep busy. It takes time to heal, but before you know it, you will find yourself feeling better. Keep your chin up. This won’t last forever, I promise.

psyla's avatar

Immediately finding someone new to fall in love with allows you to heal by comparing the person who hurt you to the new person who adores you. This allows you to see things about the heartbreaker that you didn’t see before because you were blinded by love. It allows a more accurate assessment of the heartbreaker. It allows you to get a firm grasp on the situation and make rational observations rather than continuing to value the heartbreaker and to allow destructive pain and misery to be experienced. Emotional self-destruction ends when you realize that someone new loves you. Feelings of content and self-worth replace the former tearfulness.

TheHaight's avatar

true, and the healing process is different for everyone psyla. Guess my point was you should’nt depend on anyone to make you happy or move on but yourself! And I’ve seen people moving on from one person to another and havent seen any good from it besides just a… Rebound. Plus the person on the other side will get hurt if they havent moved on from an ex.
I’m more about going through that healing process,hang with friends.. Thm when you’re ready to move on. The other option is I guess yours, Psyla….

psyla's avatar

Very true, but most people allow themselves to be dependent on others for their happiness. This can be cultural, traditional cultures cling to outmoded lifestyles, South America for example, modern cultures, such as Northwest Europe, Denmark & Norway for example are far more modernized. One’s upbringing & culture has alot to do with whether they ever bother to learn how to make themselves happy without requiring other people to be involved with it. Happiness itself is not a mandatory feeling to have, some cultures, especially Asian, prize happiness. It’s up to the individual if they’re willing to live their life by the rules & values given to them by their culture & family or if they’re willing to take the alone time, reflect on what’s going on inside themselves & decide if they’re happy with it. Apollo said “to one own self be true”, but most people are not willing to look inside themselves to even see what’s there. They might find that all of what they are has been given to them by others.

scamp's avatar

I’d rather be completely done with one relationship before moving on to the next. That way I can give the next relationship my full attention, and see the new person for who they are, not how they stack up against the old love. But that’s just me. I like to give my relationships my all, and I can’t do that fully if I am mourning the last one.

Randy's avatar

Scamp is right on the money. At least for me as well. One thing I’d like to add though. I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone if they arn’t over their ex. Then like scamp said, I’m just a comparason and who wants to be that?

TheHaight's avatar

100% agree with both scamp & randy.

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