Are there still people that think if the guy pays for the date(s) he's entitled to sex? (read details before jumping down my throat)

I think people on first dates should pay for their own food, but that’s just my opinion. The woman isn’t obligated to give him anything, and the man shouldn’t expect anything, although if they are going to go on multiple dates, they should establish some communication so one person doesn’t waste money. Just sayin’....

Age and generation have a lot to do with this scenario. I personally know people that still think this way. Mind you, none of them have dated for a long while which is also at play in many cases

I always go on a date expecting I will pay. it is my meal….If he offers. I usually say its no worries. if he insists I allow it. That person’s mother kind of sounds like she is suggesting her daughter ho herself out for a meal. haha. oh man.

She then went on to say: “Straight sex is a 3 course dinner, a blowjob will cost you a shelf put up, and anal is a weeks worth of mowed lawns and a painted living room”. I’m starting to wonder if any of these people own or work in a brothel.

The guy should pay for the first date as there is a long established social tradition for this, unless the girl asks the guy out, then she should pay. All other dates should be paid for by the guy as he should want to pay. However, the girl should offer to pay or pay half once, just to be polite, before giving in and letting the guy pay.

I pay for women, but I joke about this prior or during the date.

Something like, “I want to pay, otherwise you’ll assume I am one of those easy men and I’ll owe you sex.”

One of my co workers had a hypothesis that we have a custom in America (he used America because that’s where we’re from) of indirectly “buying” our women. Some men expect to “buy” a woman by buying dinner, gifts etc. And some women expect to be “courted” by this process.

He is an older guy, so this is maybe what he has seen growing up.

this thread makes me think of the ho episode of the boondocks.
hopefully someone knows what I’m talking about..

“If she’s not a ho why do I got to pay to take her out to eat then,I’m paying, that’s payment.. Why don’t I just give her money and that ho can go grocery shopping” comming from a 6 year old cartoon character asking his brother why men have to pay for the woman when taking them out to eat,

@boxer3 I know what you’re talking about :)

See, wow this thread is getting deep, I don’t take a woman out unless I suspect she wants to have sex with me already. I pay simply because If I have the money at the time, I want her to enjoy herself and not be all nervous about what she is ordering. If she doesn’t have sex with me after, I just assume she didn’t shave her legs that night or wants to wait or whatever, and maybe she’ll call.

Still usually a good night.

@Imadethisupwithnoforethought Assuming it’s not a blind date, yeah, most people go on dates because they already like each other. So the question is only when the sex will happen.

@Blackberry , that show kills me. First season is my favorite. Riley, not all women are hoes, were talking twenty- twenty five percent. tops. haha.

@Imadethisupwithnoforethought , fair enough . I mean I dont go around throwing a fit YOU WILL NOT PAY FOR MY DINNER, but I want the person to know Im not going out with them to get the meal and get it in . you know? If sex happens it happens, I just prefer to let things play out vs. having expectations- which I don’t think it sounds like you do. Just saying.

@boxer3 I am glad to hear your take on this. I only see it from my side

thanks :]

Only dirty old men & salivating creeps!

Even when I was younger I liked to go dutch on the first date. If all went well on the second than I felt he should pay for the second. I thought that to be the gentleman thing to do. If he didn’t by the second then I would begin to think that he may think I was desperate.
I think plenty of guys in this generation may expect sex whether they pay or not. But surely if they pay they may be a bit more inclined.
But I think that is because so many people do one night stands today that many just think they will get lucky no matter what. If not with this girl, than the next.
I think when a girl pays her own way, she is sending the message that she doesn’t need to be cared for nor can her time be bought.
If he pays on the second date, it tells her that he thinks she’s worth the money if it gets him time to get to know her. In other words he can see this relationship is worth developing and he doesn’t want you to think he’s a tight wad.
She can still decline if she needs more time. But if he doesn’t offer. Than he probably won’t offer any time in the future and the trend has been set. He figures you can pay your own way and you two can just hang out and be friends with benefits.
Of course, thats just my opinion.

@Pandora I am reading your comments and wondering if you think this change in sexual attitudes is a bad thing?

I would argue, if I think sex is relatively easy to get, I am far less likely to pressure the young lady I am with on any given date for sex, and more likely to enjoy her company.

I don’t have sex on the first date anyway, and on the second date – if she doesn’t pay she don’t get none.

I’ve never even heard of such a thing!

I’m confused by the generation comments – back when men were always expected to pay, wasn’t casual sex uncommon?

No!!
I love how you wrote ‘read details before jumping down my throat’ Lol!

If I asked the girl out I would expect to pay and I would expect a meal and good company. Isn’t there a word for paying for sex?

@flutherother GA!!

@flutherother Yeah, there is.:)
@Ayesha After you’ve had a few experiences with people not reading the details you get a little gun shy.:)

Early in relationships at least, I try to pay for stuff when we’re out on dates. Later into relationships where appropriate.

I do not think I am entitled to sex if I paid for dinner or something. I do think that it could help my chances of eventually achieving that “goal” though. Though that isn’t the reason I pay for stuff, just a nice added bonus.

the one who does the inviting is the one that pays

—@Imadethisupwithnoforethought In a world where there is no unwanted pregnancies, or venereal disease. People can have all the one night stands they want. But thats not the world we live in. Way too often you see consequences of frivolous sexual encounters. If it only was at least just to guarantee injury to only those who wished to engage in it, than no problem. You know the risks. But usually down the road it affects other people. Like unwanted babies, or babies born with disease, or disease passed down to someone who wasn’t frivolous and just had sex with someone they were in love with and now has to pay their whole life.
Washington, D.C. has an infection rate of 3% for HIV. Condoms helps but it isn’t fallible—

I think that in some, the two are linked… But it comes down to age and the times. That is a mindset there is no denying that it exists still, usually among older people. Now days guys have no qualms about expecting women to foot the bill for everything because women as of late have learned to empower themselves and agree to pay because of a reversal of fortune where it makes them feel in control and in charge.

But from where I stand… I believe that none of it, absolutely NONE of it should be about that. I usually deal with that in the moment and gage the situation by its unique aspects of give and take, and push and pull. It is impossible to generalize but that being said…

The practice of engendering give and take between men and women is not a new thing. It is all laid out as a process and as a rule in one of the oldest texts in history. It is called The Kama Sutra and it is basically a rule book for the exchanges between men and women that is applied contractual knowledge. It’s not just about sex.

Stuff like this makes me so glad that I never “dated” in the classic sense of the word.

@Pandora thank you that makes sense.

That mother had a rough childhood and she tries to teach that girl the same things she knows. She obviously tries her best yet she’s not doing a good job at it. I hope thee aren’t many people who still think like that. I mean I was young and I dated a lot but I never wanted to have sex with all my dates [just because ... not because they weren’t pretty enough].

I have trouble thinking of anything a man can do that entitles him to sex.

@nikipedia What if he provides you with really good oral sex?

@nikipedia Not even a foot rub?

Oral sex and foot rubs sure make sex a lot more likely. But nope, still not entitled.

Nicely said.

@Nikipedia Marriage?

@Blackberry Marriage =/= entitlement

I prefer to think of marriage as sharing.

Save her from injury/death? I mean I did save a former girlfriend from falling off a set of bleachers onto scrap metal when a friend of hers accidentally shoved her too hard. Shouldn’t that qualify? (lol, I know it doesn’t)

@Supacase Not that this exact situation happened in the 30s (but in the 70s, when many of our parents were dating? Yeah) but more that the general idea that sex is always a commodity, and a woman’s only real bargaining chip – that is largely generational, though it seems to be reaching a younger audience in the born-again, Christian Right crowd.

@SpatzieLover Damn! How about…....Love? :)

@Blackberry lol

@Blackberry :)Sometimes…Sometimes it’s for health insurance <snicker, snicker>~

or life insurance

@King_Pariah oh yes!

@SpatzieLover Ha! Health diggers…....

In this economy…Heck yeah! :)

Maybe if a guy puts you on a large life insurance policy as a beneficiary and he live like Evel Knievel.
for you youngings, he was a dare devil way back when stunts where real and CGI didn’t exist LOL

I thought you had to pay for a few dates before you were entitled to sex. This idea always totally boggled my mind. I had thought that women would have sex with you only if they were attracted to you and maybe even liked or loved you. I didn’t realize it had to do with money. Maybe that’s why I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 20? Never had enough scratch to pay for it.

Just to be clear, I was a teen in the 70s. For me, that was the time of the rise of feminism. Women, supposedly, wanted to be equal. They saw men paying for dates as a sign of disrespect, as if they were for sale, which they weren’t. They wanted to ask boys out, but boys, apparently, were too insecure to allow a woman to do that. They wanted equality in the sense of personhood.

So, anyway, I assumed they wanted to go dutch and that they would be insulted if I offered to pay, so I didn’t. Not that I could have, as I had no money. But obviously, that was the wrong thing to do as far as getting laid is concerned. I did get to hang out with some very nice girls, though, even if I remained horribly frustrated. What else is new?

Anyway, to answer the question. I think it’s a stupid idea to assume the guy pays and that he is entitled to sex because he pays. Frankly, I think he should be less likely to get sex if he pays. Men and women should make love because they like each other enough to do it, not because of any obligation they might feel due to the amount of money they allow to be spent on them.

I know far too many women who do think it is that kind of game. They need to get the guy to spend a certain amount before they put out, and then a certain amount more as things go along. This kind of commodification of sex is just wrong, for so many reasons, as far as I’m concerned. It is dehumanizing. For both men and women.

But people think so little of themselves that they think money is a perfectly legitimate way to arrange a sexual relationship. Guys don’t think girls would put out otherwise, and girls don’t think guys would be interested in them otherwise. So lets spend a little money to prove we’re worth it. And the idea that a man isn’t worth anything unless he pays for sex is just disgusting to me, too.

You know, women are all about his brains, not his looks or wallet. Is it any wonder that a guy might think that’s bullshit when we see this kind of behavior is pervasive in our society?

Pardon me. I think I need to go wash my brain out with soap.

Sex doesn’t mean anything beyond an exchange of bodily fluids and a physical urge if not freely given for reasons having nothing to do with entitlement.

@Earthgirl Wow. Nailed it. GA

Adirondackwannabe Thanks :)

Man, if this is true, then I owe like five friends all kinds of nookie.

I don’t think that the person who pays whether it is the man or the woman is entitled to anything except a nice conversation and an effort to be friendly and scintillating during dinner.

Let’s just put it this way, if saving her ass/life doesn’t ensure getting down in the sack, nothing will.

Dear Abbey died years ago. Her daughter took over the column. Dear Abbey should refer everyone here. :-p

@EmptyNest I can’t keep up with the columnist, I just read them so I can laugh at my own problems.

That’s true. I think I was reading it for that reason when she was alive.

You mean he isn’t?

@chyna No I don’t think all men are easy. I’ve been in positions where a guy could’ve had his way with me and didn’t.
I don’t think there is a correlation of a man not taking from a woman who is for some reason unable to put up resistance, having some decorum, and melting to a, ”reasonably attractive woman”, as the OP put it. Unless there was some great negative outcome that could be seen most men (secular) I know, but not ALL would jump her bones, break her like a shotgun and ride her like an 18 speed if she beckoned them. All she would have to do is grab their junk, lick her lips and say, ”I am going into the bedroom, my clothes will be off in 2 minutes and I will be naked on the bed. Where are you going to be?” They would not be able to get into the bedroom and out of their clothes fast enough.