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Christian95's avatar

Do you regret your ex?(See details)

Asked by Christian95 (3260points) November 5th, 2011

Is there in your past relationships anyone who stands out , someone you really think is , was the one , someone you keep thinking about even after all the time that has passed?
Hypothetically if somehow that person comes back in your life and he/she is the same(in his/her interactions with you , feelings etc.) would you choose him/her instead of your current partner(if you have one)?

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19 Answers

CWOTUS's avatar

No. Knowing what I know now, I would not have married her – or even started a relationship – in the first place, but I can’t regret having been married to her for nearly 29 years. (Although the fact that we’ve been separated for the past 10 years might argue otherwise.) But we have two wonderful children, a gem of a daughter-in-law and a grandchild to be emphatically “not regretful” for, and a lot of great memories.

I would have lived much of my life differently, but I’m not dissatisfied with how it has turned out to date. Maybe it’s the best it could possibly have been; if I had chosen another who may have appealed to me more 30 or so years ago, then I would have done something differently… and been hit by a bus later that same day.

I try to avoid living life with blame, shame or regret. Those are good emotions to avoid if you can.

Coloma's avatar

My ex husband was the greatest catalyst in my growth and for that I owe him thanks.
If not for him I would not be the wise and savvy woman I am today, nor would I have faced my fears and jumped off a cliff, that ultimately lent itself to me finding my wings and soaring
like the eagle I was born to be. ;-)

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I don’t regret my last ex. I regret I stayed for 7 years instead of 2 years but that’s all. We have an amicable friendship still, one that is better than the relationship we had, I’d not change that.

There is another “ex”, more of false start person that I had gambled a lot on and was about to change my life for. That person has given me a lot to think about but I’d not take them over my current partner/fiancee. You can’t have everything rolled up in just one person and trust me, I’ve held out the hope for many years.

whitetigress's avatar

Fuck no. As good as things might have been while growing up and learning in that particular relationship, I wouldn’t trade it for a chance to get back. My current gf is great to me and I apply everything I’ve learned before into this relationship.

CaptainHarley's avatar

No. Vicky and I are so compatible it’s amazing. I can think of no one in my past who could even come close to being as much of a soul mate as she is. There were many others who were better looking women as far as surface appearances go, but none of them can hold a candle to her in terms of personality, sense of humor, intelligence, and most importantly, devotion. : )

Scooby's avatar

Happily single; for quite some time!….. The one thing I regret about my “Ex”, was her promiscuity, That’s why she’s my “Ex”……. Apart from that we were great together, I doubt she ever changed her ways though, so, I’d never make that mistake again…. :-/

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

Nope, I married my husband for a reason. He is definitely “the one,” I don’t have a single ex that holds a candle to him.

Sher_King's avatar

Yes and no. Our relationship went so overboard that I dont think I deserved half of what i went through with him. But i guess thats what made me the woman i am today. So to that i give him thanx.

CaptainHarley's avatar


Hard-won wisdom indeed, but wisdom nonetheless.

Sher_King's avatar

Thank you @CaptainHarley, glad you recognised :).

Judi's avatar

I wondered and wondered this until a few years ago when he actually did contact me, nearly 30 years later. He had broken my heart, and now wanted me to drop my life and run away with him. I realized that I had fallen in love with his “potential” and that my current husband was everything and more than I ever dreamed ‘he” would be and that he never lived up to the potential I thought he had.
It was really really freeing. Obviously he had regrets, but I was thankful.

CaptainHarley's avatar

Thirty YEARS? OMG!

wundayatta's avatar

Regret what? There was nothing I could do to keep her. So I lost her and decades have passed and I can’t imagine being with her any more.

thesparrow's avatar

I don’t know. I don’t have an ex. I’m 23, in my first relationship (1 year) and I’m still young so who knows how things will turn out. I kind of want to have an ex though, at least one. It just feels like everyone has them. It seems right. And you grow and learn about what you want from life through exes.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

No, not really. My husband is definitely “the one”... but there is a past lover of mine (we didn’t technically date) who I’ve wondered about and gone through all the “what ifs” about. I’m sure I could be happy with him, had things been different, but I’d never leave my husband for him, regardless.

wundayatta's avatar

@thesparrow The process you have to go through to get an ex is extremely painful. Be careful what you wish for, lest you get it.

partyrock's avatar

I regret not keeping in contact with only 2 of them, but sometimes I think everything happens for a reason? I’m still pretty young so who knows down the line if I’ll see them again. I’m 22.

At the time I thought one of my ex’s from high school was “the one”. I fell really hard over heels for him. He moved back to Russia, and people I knew lost contact with him as well. We broke up on good terms, but I’d still liked to have been friends with him.

partyrock's avatar

@Coloma – I LOVE love love your answer…. you go girl :)

“If not for him I would not be the wise and savvy woman I am today, nor would I have faced my fears and jumped off a cliff, that ultimately lent itself to me finding my wings and soaring
like the eagle I was born to be. ;-)”

AngryWhiteMale's avatar

Hm, two different questions (and a lot of answers diverging slightly from the original question posed!) here.

For me, I have had some quite disastrous relationships, but none that I regretted completely, for the simple reason that I took at least one positive thing away from each of my relationships. If I got something out of it that I benefited from (wisdom, a new hobby, a new understanding of something, etc.), then it was worth it, because it contributed to who I developed into.

Now, as for “the one who got away”... Not really, but there was one I did have (and still do) a lot of “what-if” thoughts about, but we both made the choices that we did, and we are where we are now, and that’s that. “What-ifs” are not the same as regrets though, so no, no regrets.

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