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the_overthinker's avatar

What was the rockiest part of your relationship, or marriage, and how did you get past it? Or how didn't you get past it?

Asked by the_overthinker (1527points) December 4th, 2011

While reading some past fluther questions, I came across a piece of information that I found to be quite interesting. I can’t seem to re-find the question, but in summary, it is about how after years into a long term relationship, one partner (usually the female, or so I seem to be directed into believing), becomes non interested in sex, which seems to be a horrible pain for the male (in a heterosexual relationship).

So, I was just curious, what are some of the most rockiest situations you have been through in your marriage, or relationship, and what did you do to solve it, or, in the case that it wasn’t solved, what do you wish was done in order to find the correct solution?

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12 Answers

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

There was something I found about about my partner that I felt he should have told me about and felt betrayed, in a way. We talked a lot and resolved the issue over time by re-committing ourselves to one another and by realizing that we’re very much interested in being with one another regardless. I forgave and I never regretted it since.

whitetigress's avatar

I think for most people its the “lingering ex” situation kind of thing. I told my girlfriend its my way or the highway with that one though. Whooped that trick into shape and gave her some sense.

SuperMouse's avatar

The most challenging part of our relationship is that we handle conflict in totally opposite ways. When he is upset he wants to go away, think about what is bothering him, then come back and deal with it. I want to deal with whatever it is right there in the moment. We are both working really hard to meet somewhere in the middle.

JLeslie's avatar

Developing and living with a chronic illness that is painful and interferes with our sex life

marinelife's avatar

I don’t think that what you postulated necessarily happens in marriage at all.

We have had two major crises, which I don’t feel the need to go into, that we resolved with time, much, much open communication, and a strong desire on both our parts to work it out and stay together. Both times, our marriage came out of it stronger.

Judi's avatar

Blending families. Although My hubby didn’t have any kids, being thrust into being the father of three wounded kids whose father had committed suicide was very hard. Not only did we have the normal transition problems, but the more my kids began to love him, the more conflicted they felt (and acted out against it) because they felt like to love him was being disloyal to their dad. They could be mean at times, and he had not been there to see those innocent babies and learn to love them unconditionally.
3 things got us through. We had a small group of friends, dedicated to their marriages and families who encouraged us. We made a pact that no matter how tough things got, we would never consider the “D” word and we had a mutual faith that sustained us.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

For me, the rockiest part was discovering my bf had serious addiction issues… after the wooing, charming and deep infatuation was in place. I had the choice to break it off with him, press full on for him to get treatment or accept him as-was. I chose to tell him I wanted to break off because I didn’t think he would ever really want the lifestyle I did and other men were ready to try for me. Luckily for us he decided he wanted an us more than just me so he worked hard, still works hard and we’ve progressed enough for an engagement and new marriage.

whitetigress's avatar

@Neizvestnaya That sucks. My gf was a coke addict and she decided to quit on her own. I let her be who ever she wanted and I never brought up whether she should quit or not.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

@whitetigress: Kudos to you! Me, I’m on borrowed time anymore and don’t feel I want to muck about in someone else’s muck. I’ve never felt guilty for being up front with what I want from a partner or a relationship. Life is short, find someone who loves it as much as you do.

blueiiznh's avatar

Open and honest communication will get you through most everything.

keobooks's avatar

Our worst part of our relationship was right before we were supposed to get married. My husband’s mother wrote a terrible letter to my mother. She told my mother to cancel the wedding because I was too immature to be married. She talked about my horrible housekeeping habits and many other dreadful embarrassing things. She forwarded the message to my then fiance.

He defended her message, saying she was just looking out for his best interests. He decided that we should delay the wedding. This was after all the invitations were sent out and my overseas relatives had already booked nonrefundable flights. So we actually had to send out wedding cancellations. This was the most humiliating thing ever.

My husband and I fought terribly over it and almost broke up over it. I was terrified that if I stayed with him, his parents would be running the show and insulting me all the time. We finally did get married once I trusted that he wasn’t going to kowtow to his mother. And he’s done a good job at not doing that.

His parents are much more civil to me, but they are really kind of rude people even though they seem to worship Emily Post style etiquette. But it doesn’t bother me since my husband just brushes them off. He is the first to tell them that they are being asses when they are doing so. I am proud of him.

Had he kept on defending his mother and kept letting her run the show, he would have been long gone from my life, however. And as much as I love him and my dear daughter, I would not have regretted leaving him. I would rather be single than in a relationship controlled by someone else’s mother.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

@keobooks: I commend you for your faith in your fiancee in order to make him a husband! For sure I know I wouldn’t be able to come out for the better of that sort of humilation.

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