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Irishchic2012's avatar

What do you think I should do about this girl, I'm scared to go to school?

Asked by Irishchic2012 (48points) January 22nd, 2012

Back last June this girl in my year kicked the head of me about 8 times because one of her mates mad up a rumor that I called her a *** when I didn’t as I hardly knew the girl, and up until December people still wrote about it on facebook and made me the centre of their so called fun. I found out about all this and went to my year head/dean in school who is so nice he helps me through everything. He sorted it for me and even got the stuff deleted which was great. the week i came back to school i was less paranoid that a fight was going to break out again because i had gotten no dirty looks from her or her mates like i did get in the past and then last wednesday this boy who bullies me non stop and is good mates with this girl was walking with her in the corridor and as soon as he seen me and my mates coming he pushed her straight into me as if he was looking another fight to occur, i went to my year head about this incident also (there was a lot of other things going on that week too) and he dealt with it, but these people are the type that don’t give a sit about their education and want suspended. The next day they were both out at college for hairdressing and cooking, so i was ok, the next day i wasn’t out in the yard at lunch as I was speaking to my year head again about another incident with a boy in my class, and when i was outside my maths class waiting on someone corridors empty her and her mate walked passed and gave me the dirtiest look out as if it was planned now I am terrified of school tomorrow what do I do? I don’t want another fight to break out but I’m scared it will, I really want to inform my year head but i’m afraid of being a burden, should I tell my form teacher? i just don’t want to annoy my teachers over this.

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10 Answers

gailcalled's avatar

This is your third similar question in so many weeks.

Why can’t you get the responsible adults to do something? Why are not your parents stepping in and insisting on some clarity and mediation?

If you are reporting the situation accurately, it has gone well beyond being “afraid of being a burden or an annoyance.”

john65pennington's avatar

Its better to tell a higher authority in your school, than be hurt or worse. This is their job, not only to teach, but to keep order. If this does work, tell your parents and let them notify the juvenile authorities where you live.

This is your life and you are the only one that can protect it by speaking out.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Tell the teacher. You need to have a history of incidents documented. At this point, I’d ask your school to draft a way for you to do as much of your studies at home, online, at an off site campus, etc. I don’t know where you live but in the USA, even if you’re not 18yrs old yet or a high school graduate, you can go into a junior college/community college and complete your high school equivalent and… move on.

It used to be parents would tell their kids to buck up, kids wouldn’t really go through with ganging up and physically fighting but I don’t believe that. Kids who turn the other cheek get bullied further and by further I’ve seen as you mentioned, bullying goes beyond school site time. You must protect yourself by pushing the authorities around you to take notice and take more action.

HungryGuy's avatar

Good advice above ^

In addition, make some friends of your own. As your new friendships grow, this incident will come up in conversation. Eventually, your side of what happened will get out.

bkcunningham's avatar

What do your parents say about all of this? When you go to the head/dean, do they notify your parents?

newtscamander's avatar

They can only help you if you tell them. Never listen to people reprimanding others for being a tattletale. If someone if treating you improperly, why should they get away with it. It’s the best course of action to tell them, only they can sort things out with such bullies. Ideal case would be that she gets embarrassed by the adults as they reprimand her. If she sees that they are ashamed of her behaviour, maybe she will also see how childish bullying really is. They won’t see you as a burden, as schools are always working toward, or supposed to be working toward, a bully-free environment ! Don’t keep quiet, it makes you weaker !

marinelife's avatar

Please talk to the year head about a long-term solution for this buying. Perhaps you could change schools?

Tell him or her that you are frightened all the time, and you need a fix that will last more than a day.

CWOTUS's avatar

Welcome to Fluther.

You’ve tried the “contacting the authorities” route, and that’s not working so well, is it? As I believe I told you in response to an earlier question, this may be partly due to language issues. I expect that in your (justified) excitement it may be more difficult for you to express yourself effectively, to get your point across, and difficult for the authorities you speak with to understand you and take effective action. (It may also be part of the cause of the bad feeling these yobs have against you.)

If you can’t get someone to help you communicate your problems effectively to get effective resolutions to the problems – and frankly, when you’re dealing with these kinds of thugs, that may never be possible no matter how well you can speak – then it may be time for you to take some action on your own.

I’m going to give you some advice that I had to give my own son when he was in high school and had some of the same kinds of problems with “casual” bullies. That is, they were just nasty for the sake of being nasty, and had no particular issue with him. In other words, he was a peaceful kid who seemed weak on that account, didn’t have a lot of friends, and for those reasons he was an easy target. I was reluctant to give the advice then, and I’m not thrilled with it even now, but sometimes it is called for.

When this happened to my son, I asked for a meeting with the Vice Principal of his school. I asked my son to relate the problems he had been having to the VP, which he did. I helped him to settle down and speak more slowly sometimes, and to add detail that he had told me but forgotten during this interview. (This is why I recommend that you have someone with you while you talk to authorities.) Then I spoke. I told my son, in front of the VP, that teachers and administrators couldn’t be there every time something happened, and couldn’t respond to every complaint that was really no more than “an annoyance” when nothing actually happens. (Really, you can’t be afraid of “dirty looks”. You have to get past that and ignore those. But sometimes I agree that they mean “something worse is on the way”, and that’s important to be aware of.)

I continued – to my son and in front of the VP – that if he was bullied, hit, hurt, pushed down, etc., that he should respond in kind, and harder. I told him, “If someone pushes you into a wall, then push back harder. If someone trips you deliberately, then stomp on his foot. If someone punches you, then give him a black eye or a bloody nose.” The VP wasn’t happy with that – obviously! – but he also didn’t say “You can’t do that!”

I didn’t ask my son for details about what happened after that, because I knew he didn’t want me to be his nanny, but he never complained about this kind of bad treatment again after that day.

Bullies don’t want to be hit or hurt any more than you do. They pick on you because you seem to be someone who won’t hit back. If you hit back – even once! – they usually stop. If you get into a fight and hurt someone in the fight, then you’re no longer an easy target. You should know that if you get into the fight, you may be hurt (as I also told my son), but usually that happens just once, and then this nonsense usually stops or scales down dramatically.

In any case, you’ll realize that no one can protect you as well as you can protect yourself just by letting bullies know that you won’t roll over for them.

Good luck.

YARNLADY's avatar

I say don’t go to school, and when they come after you or your parents, tell them why. You have to stand up for yourself if no one else will. To keep from falling behind in your school work, you could ask your teachers to let you do your assignments at home.

Where I live, students have the right to enroll in an outreach program that lets them go to school twice a week to pick up their assignments and take tests, and spend the rest of the time doing their work in the safety of their home.

Look into that option for yourself. Don’t expect anyone else to help you, most parents are afraid of alternative programs.

everephebe's avatar

I must refer you to Johnny Depp, with advice on this nature.

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