General Question

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

What to expect and how to act on the first date?

Asked by nailpolishfanatic (6612points) February 29th, 2012

I have been talking to this guy now for about two days. He asked me out tonight and he’ll be here in an hour. I was wondering if there is anything in particular that I need to be careful with. We are meeting to get to know each other more… we are going out to eat. And what advice can you share to not make things awkward and also should I let my step-father know… like when the guy comes to pick me up, should I tell him to come inside and meet my step-dad just so they can know who I am with if anything happens haha.

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47 Answers

sinscriven's avatar

Absolutely let someone know, it’s prudent that someone trusted should know where you are so they know to look out for you; Otherwise, nobody’s going to have a clue where you are and that’s really bad news for you. It couldn’t hurt to have the guy meet your step-dad too. In fact, you probably could tell a fair bit about a guy depending on his interaction with your dad.

Just stay in public places and you should be fine. As for awkwardness, you’re at the mercy of your chemistry with him, can’t help you there. But asking questions is always good to keep a conversation flowing.

YoKoolAid's avatar

Avoid talking about religion, politics, and past relationships. You may want to reference this question.

Bring money just in case he turns out to be a chump.

wundayatta's avatar

This is a first date. You will never again have a first date with this person. This is a good thing.

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

So like should I tell my step-dad that im going on a date with this guy… i’ve known him for a couple of days. Come meet him…?
I don’t know how this whole dating thing works :/

softtop67's avatar

It would be respectful to your Step-Dad that he has the option to meet your date

fremen_warrior's avatar

Disappointment! lol. The lower your expectations are the more fun you will have ;)

janbb's avatar

How old are you?

flo's avatar

We really need to know how old you are.

blueiiznh's avatar

What to expect: NO EXPECTATIONS
How to act: Always, Always, Always BE YOURSELF.

chyna's avatar

^Unless you are a jerk, then be someone else.~

likipie's avatar

If you’ve only been talking to him for 2 days then it’s hard to tell. You can’t possibly know enough about a person to make that judgement if you’ve only known them for 2 days. Be safe.

tedibear's avatar

And get back here and tell us how it went! Please, that is.

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

Ok so thank you to everyone who responded in time before my date picked me up (and those who responded afterwards). I told my step-father about him but he decided not to meet him cause he didn’t want to scare him off haha. He just told me to be careful plus he trusts me so he let me go out with him. First off I’m 17 turning 18 in May. He’s 19, turning 20 in November. We decided to meet because we both would rather talk to the person in person than through facebook or all these other chatting sites…
So he picked me up… we started breaking the ice by a casual hug. We drove off to the city and we had some dinner (he paid… I kinda felt that I should pay myself but he insisted haha), after dinner we went to his house… he was alone home (I know that’s a very huge risk to take because I didn’t know him that well but I had a good feeling about him after hanging with him for about 1 and ½ hours). At his house we just sat there chatting about anything and everything that came to mind… he told me about his past relationship and such and we just got to know one another. But I might have lied a little haha (He asked me if i had already been in a relationship before and i said “no” -which is true, but then he asked if that meant that I hadn’t done anything at all with a guy I said “No, just because I haven’t dated anyone doesn’t mean that I haven’t done anything” – which is a lie because for real, I think most of you may know this by now but I haven’t done anything with a guy…. not even a kiss :( ) Ok so enough of that, after we hang at his house we went to the movies and he paid, the movie theatre was EMPTY, only me and him and then all of a sudden a father and son came… 20 minutes into the movie we were already holding hands, whispering sweet words into one’s ears and you know… he was leaning in for the kiss but I didn’t feel like that was appropriate on the first date you know… I wanted to keep him interested and keep things mysterious because I really like him and want to see what will happen of our little thingy we got going on. He drove me home and I just gave him a very long hug and omg he smelled so goooooood <333
That’s it, so if I want to meet him next should I let him ask me out again (next time I’ll pay for myself) or should I ask him myself… like tomorrow friday I’m not doing anything… Also if you have any tips on kissing please share :)

janbb's avatar

@nailpolishfanatic Whew – sounds like a good date but how about some punctuation and paragraphing next time?

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

@janbb Hahah I’m so sorry, my punctuation sucks. I eve get that on essays :(
I will definitely remember that next time :)

flo's avatar

@nailpolishfanatic Please don’t go to people’s apartments on the first date. get to know them a lot more. And asking a person if they did anything with a guy/woman, on the first date, or even on 2nd and 3rd etc. ...I don’t know.

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

@flo You think so… well I feel like he was really honest so I guess I felt like there was not harm or you know what I mean. It’s just like we got along so well and stuff

flo's avatar

It is only in retrospect that you see things clearly. Look for guys who want to get to know you as a person. But I could be wrong, like I have been in the past.

lemming's avatar

@nailpolishfanatic I think he could be nice enough. He’s only young too.

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

@flo Thank you for the advice, but you know I’m usually a person that senses how people are for real by just chatting with them for a while and such. I really like him and I feel comfortable around him. We even came to talking about how we would rather see each other in person than chatting online, and also it’s a greater way for us to get to know each other even more. He told me he’s only been in 1 relationship and it was for 3 years with his high school sweetheart. But then they decided to it was better off if they just stayed friends.

Since I was advised to BE MYSELF, I told him the truth that I’ve never been in a relationship. So guess we have to wait and see where this goes.

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

@lemming He’s really nice, and I know it was not pretense for meeting me the first time. I think he’s genuinely nice. It’s so attractive :)

chyna's avatar

Let us know when you go out on a second date! This is kinda fun, watching you date from afar.

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

So about the kissing, I think we might meet for a short while tonight… I really wanna kiss him but I’m nervous.

janbb's avatar

My mother once told me her rules for herself when she was young:

1. Never do anything with a boy who doesn’t like you for yourself.
2. Never do anything that makes you uncomfortable.

Some of the only good advice she ever gave me.

flo's avatar

@nailpolishfanatic I totally understand, esp. since he is young enough. I think it is better to pay one’s way by the way until you get to know each other. But if you ask him out, this time you pay.

But please to all the guys out there, there is absolutely no reason to ask if she has done anything with a guy. That is an awkward question to be asked. And on the 1st date esp.? No, that could make you look like you are only after one thing. That you don’t put much value on the woman as person. If you are trying to verify that she hasn’t slept around, asking that question is probably not going get you the truth anyway. On the other hand she will tell you she has done something when she hasn’t out of pressure, so there is no point in asking it.

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

@flo, ok so he asked me out again today, I should pay right? even though he asked me out…still it doesn’t mean he should always be paying.
And indeed it was an awkward question haha.s

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

Oh and since its the second date, how far should one go?

tedibear's avatar

You can certainly offer to pay. “Let me get this – you paid last time.” If he insists, offer to pay at least your share. If continues to insist, you can either argue or not as you see fit.

As for how “far” you should go – in my very humble opinion, not very far. In fact, I just re-read @janbb‘s advice. Follow that!

flo's avatar

@nailpolishfanatic I hope this guy is really worth it. I hate dates where one of the parties gets anxious. It should be fun and easy activity. For example why can’t people just go out where there is nothing to pay for? It seems to always be dinner, movies, like a script. I think kissing is an intimate thing to do with someone you practically just met. So you were right in ”...20 minutes into the movie we were already holding hands, whispering sweet words into one’s ears and you know… he was leaning in for the kiss but I didn’t feel like that was appropriate on the first date you know…” Your insticts are right, there is no rush at all, if he is the right guy. Even holding hands is too scripted. For future, generally speaking, get into activities where you get to know people as a matter of course, and then if there is anyone there okay, if not okay too. No rushing.
By the way some guys feel if they keep paying they expect something, to be blunt, so you pay is my suggestion.

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

@flo Thank you for your suggestion, now the question is, what activities could we do that don’t involve spending money? On the other hand I completely agree with every single word you wrote.

chyna's avatar

Not knowing where you live, I can give a few suggestions but they may not apply:
go to a museum, a park, a free concert in the park, hiking, biking, cheap mantinee movies… the list is endless.

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

@chyna Hmmm I live in Iceland and it’s freezing. So pretty much the movies is the only thing possible to do in this cold… or hanging out at either of us’s place.

flo's avatar

@nailpolishfanatic thank goodness you agree. Too bad if there is none of the kind of things @chyna mentioned.

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

Ok so, kinda sorry to disappoint you all, but I have to admit I fell under the trap last night. We went on our second date. Since it’s winter as you all know, there is very little possible that people can do to keep activated. SO we went to his house, he’s currently living alone because his roommate is out of the city visiting his parents.

We just hang around, sipped on a little alcohol and just cuddled. I had the most fucking amazing time… we didn’t do anything much… you know just the usual making out here and there, ahh haha he got so aroused but then I left him hanging because I enjoy doing that to guys… leaving them wanting more. I was not at all pressured into what we did, he obviously read my hints well so he made the first move and the alcohol was just to sort of calm us both down a little.

DJ Tiesto is having a concert here tonight, my girlfriends, him and I are going and if we don’t get allowed to enter (because we are still 17… and the age limit is 18, so we are taking a huge risk). After that the plan is to hit town and dance the night away. My parents trust him and I always keep them updated of where were are hanging out and stuff so no worries.

Btw what should I wear tonight?

janbb's avatar

I hope you know you sound very immature but then you are only 17, I guess.

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

Ah ok, well is that because of my actions or? Could you please explain it more to me?

janbb's avatar

“ahh haha he got so aroused but then I left him hanging because I enjoy doing that to guys…” That’s mean.

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

Yeah but there isn’t anything I could do is there… I mean it was the second date and I don’t think it was any appropriate to do anything further than what we had been doing… When I asked for tips and help everyone suggested I wait and get to know him better before taking things to the next level.

janbb's avatar

It was the gloating nature of your comment that I was responding to, I guess. It’s nice to feel your power as a woman but recognize what is going on.

flo's avatar

I agree with @janbb. That is the kind of thing some men think gives them the excuse to commit sexual assault/rape.
“Well, she was teasing me…,”
“No” doesn’t really mean “no””
So very bad idea to do that.

wundayatta's avatar

Is it a bad idea because it might get things out of control, or is it a bad idea because it might be mean to the guy, who doesn’t like being teased with no release? Or is it ok to play with a guy and get him all aroused with no possibility of release? Do guys like that shit?

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

I sometimes feel bad for leaving him like that, it’s just that I don’t feel very comfortable yet with him to where I can go to that level with him. I mean I guess he might really be into me for him to aroused so quick right? Also it was only kissing and that really seemed to work him up.

janbb's avatar

It doesn’t necessarily mean he’s that into you; it just means he’s a 17 year old boy.

flo's avatar

@wundayatta it is not one or the other. I seconded @janbb‘s posts “it is mean”. And to quote you, “it might get things out of control”, and others might add to the list. It doesn’t need to be just for one reason, would you not agree? I was giving her the selfish reason to shake her up.

@nailpolishfanatic it is just biology you are witnessing, that is all it is. What message is he getting when you go to his house when you just met the guy? I don’t feel very comfortable yet with him to where I can go to that level with him. So, then what is the best thing to do? Don’t go to his place?

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

Ok then, for now I don’t think I will go to his house. We’ve also been hanging out at my house and things have been going pretty well so far. He’s met one of my best girlfriends and she says good things about him as well and so do my parents. But the activities to do are the ones screwing up everything , there is so little we can do I mean this country doesn’t even have amusement parks.

wundayatta's avatar

Go for walks. Ride bikes. Ski. Study. Join the debate team. There must be pools you can go swimming in. Hang out with friends. See a movie. I’m sure there are hundreds of things you can do besides making out and getting each other all hot and bothered.

If you continue to mess around like that, it will get harder and harder to say no. You’re a young, healthy kid. Both of you. You’re going to want to because your bodies are made for that. If you don’t want to do it, then don’t tempt yourselves. It is very hard to keep saying no to that kind of temptation.

Now I’m not telling you not to do it. I leave that choice up to you. I’m just saying that if you don’t want to do it, then don’t even tempt yourself. It feels so good and I just don’t see people turning it down when the hormones are raging. It takes over your mind and only the strongest people can say no at that point.

If you really don’t want to do it, you should talk to your boyfriend and explain this, and see if he agrees. You’ll need his help and cooperation to keep it from happening. He needs to take some responsibility. If he can’t do that, and if he places all the work on you, then he is not the person you really want to be with.

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