Aaah, but a general slasher movie wouldn’t be a slasher movie without its reheated and absurd formula. I don’t think they would be as fun, at least, not for me personally. I would love to give suggestions, but I’m too busy exploring this very said formula in all its wondrous intricacies.
This is far from complete and needs quite a lot of work and re arranging, but I give you this list!
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I
Boobs Not Brains
Female characters are always stupid, and shall trip, fall and scream while running away, basically doing absolutely everything one should not do while attempting to escape from a maniac.
Annex A; The Prom Night Exception
Unless she is the main character, or a sub character such as listed in Law III.
II
The Call of Cthulhu
The Fool
’‘Is anyone here?!’’ is the most common phrase found in the slasher film vocabulary.
Not the Terminator
’‘I’ll be right back’’ is the greatest slasher movie contradiction ever.
The Crow
’‘Stairway to Heaven’’ is a literal phrase in slasher films.
III
The Jason Imperative, Plots and Production, Last Two Words to be Used Lightly.
Suspense always includes dumb characters, a boring beginning, cheesy scares and countless movie production errors.
Annex A; I want my mommy!
The problem always lies at the root of some cliché and stereotyped psychological issue, in most cases dealing with an Oedipus Complex.
Annex B; The Edgar Allan Poe Syndrome
Rain and thunderstorms are the only type of weather a horrific incident shall see. Apparently, murderers and maniacs are great weather predictors.
Annex C; Love Sucks
Psychics or said to be mental patients are supposed to be an original replacement for the often found love story meant as a sub plot.
More often than not, these sub characters are the key to everything, however, their psychic or otherwise phenomenal disposition is never accurately explained, furthering plot degradation.
Annex D; The Multiply Like Flies
Multi-slashers are now all the rage, one is never enough. 2005 and forward is the unsung hero with remakes such as The Hills Have Eyes and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
(This rule is more prominent with the Multi Slasher genre, which 2005 and up decided to make countless remakes thereof, last one being The Crazies. More Invasion Film than Slasher, but other than the premise which affiliates itself with the Zombie genre, this is Slasher all the way.)
Annex E; The Dragon Lady
The entire history and past events which define a notorious killer may be witnessed, usually long after the protagonists should have vacated the premises, through old newspaper clippings obsessively collected and disturbingly posted all over said killer’s haven.
Annex F; I’ll Show you Fuckin’ Hardcore!
In a time of crisis and hopelessness, the protagonist(s) will meet a psychotic but fun loving old man who has nothing left to loose, and gives them a helping hand against the enemy, whether this is through obsession (Sam Loomis.) or necessity (Sam, but a different Sam.)
Either way, the aforementioned old man is always a tad touched in the head, usually used as comic relief.
IV
Safety; as Irrelevant as Plot.
One must always enter the one place, weather it be an old, dilapidated house or dark, scary alley, completely oblivious to the beyond obvious fact that it is a sure death trap.
Further Doom Impending
° While exploring, doors shall always be unlocked.
° While escaping, all doors are always locked.
° Cellphones will never, NEVER work. (Originates from the Landline Slash, where in the old days, said cliché had to be performed by hand.)
° Cars shall never start when you need them to.
V
Death, as seen by “Chatelaine”
° Female characters always look pretty in death, ignoring the obvious realism in respect to the aftermath of murder.
° Exact amounts of blood, brains and innards found in the human body are completely disregarded in respects to medical reality. (Exception to the rule; The underbelly of the horror genre, as depicted by the 1970’s. And Japan.)
Annex A; Fashion Statement; A mechanic’s View
Jumpsuits, creepy Star Trek masks and forging equipment are the order of the day.
VI
False Advertising; Stoner’s Pothouse
° Chainsaws are only for public attraction.
An exception to the rule; The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
° There are more false alarms then actual murders.
VII
Love Never Dies
Ending climaxes are rendered invalid as such, for despite the obvious exaggerations, the maniac shall always come back.
Annex A; HE’S NOT DEAD!!
A stunning blow which incapacitates the killer is never the end. This is known as the “Joyride II Mistake”, which also accommodates Law I.
VIII
Habitat
Murderers and psycho killers are to be found at their best in the following places;
° Suburban towns and other posh but always out of the way small communities.
° Hospitals and asylums.
° Forests and abandoned campsites; abandoned over and over again.
° Unused, old and dusty American back roads or deserts, conveniently never marked on any map, or otherwise refrained from detection by convenient airline laws preventing aircraft to fly over them, usually for reasons barely explained.
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What they could do though, is change this kinda stuff around so it would be funny…I mean it’s already ridiculous, so…from a user here;
Victim; Anyone here?!
Killer; I’m in the kitchen bro, makin a sandwich!
sorry for off topicing with this answer, but I did think it suitable to the subject. If anyone has any suggestions for the list, or things one thinks should be fixed, I’d appreciate the help
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