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learning23's avatar

HELP! Working on the wedding vows?

Asked by learning23 (50points) May 17th, 2012

Hi all there,

I am getting married in a month and I am now totally panic. My fiance treats me better than all the ex-boyfriends and I am happy to have him.

It is just I can only think how good he is to me, but not how much I love him.

The thing is I said yes to marry him and I know this is the best thing to do. But I just can’t work out the touching and lovely wedding vows.

I don’t know what to do. Somebody help!

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17 Answers

bongo's avatar

Maybe try this to get you started.

Kayak8's avatar

Just want to clarify—you are marrying him because he is good to you rather than because you love him OR you can’t put your love for him into words?

zenvelo's avatar

Start two lists on one piece of paper: one is a list of things he does that are good for you, the other a list of things you love him for. They might actually be pretty close. But making the lists will focus you on why you are marrying him, and what you would put in your vows.

Also, you really don’t want ten minutes of what he has done and why you love him, as much as you might consider three or four things about the future that you look forward to sharing with him. But don’t drop in a surprise that the the two of you haven’t talked about. The wedding ceremony is not the time to say you want 8 kids or to go sailing around the world or how you look forward to the in laws all being under the same roof as you.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Relax, put on some good music and let it inspire you. I have Coldplay, Trouble playing right now. Oops. maybe not the best for vows. :) Good luck.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Hey, and welcome to fluther.

JLeslie's avatar

Whose idea was it to write your own vows? If it was your, you can probably change your mind if you are feeling too overwhelmed by it now.

How about write down all of his qualities, and also what you look forward to in the future. It can be very general like building a life together. A little humor is great if you can pull it off, but not necessary of course. My rabbi spoke of getting to know my husband and I and running into us at Bloomingdale’s (my place of work) and everyone attending laughed when he said it. I liked the levity.

The line I use when talking about my husband, and I mean it sincerely, was he was everything I had wished for, and even had qualities I did not know to want. He exceeded my expectations.

filmfann's avatar

I didn’t realize I loved my wife-to-be until I decided to break up with her. I simply couldn’t hurt her that way.
I am not suggesting that to you. I am saying you may not recognize your true feelings.

marinelife's avatar

Think about what your life would be like without him. Then turn that around to what you can look forward to with him.

Maybe you love waking up next to him. Maybe you love the feel of his arms holding you at night.

If you love him, you want the best for him. Think about that.

Do you love to laugh with him? dance with him? travel with him? just be with him?

Ela's avatar

I wrote my wedding vows seventeen years ago at a bowling alley, without help from the internet. Trust me, if I can do it, so can you. Go out on the net and print out 5–10 prewritten vows (put a number cap on it or you’ll be there all year). Read through them highlighting the parts that touch you. Piece them apart, put them back together. Let them inspire you. Write and rewrite them in your own words until it flows for you and says exactly what you want it to say.

Trillian's avatar

Think about what you love and how you feel, stop worrying about touching the audience. Life is not a movie.

mowens's avatar

@Trillian Bull shit it isn’t! ;) My mom not only requests, but demands that wedding vows make her cry.

Don’t argue with my mother. She will ground a 50 year old man and make it stick.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

It may be your aren’t the mushy kind of romantic writer but vows don’t have to be made up of that. Your vows could be more of what you want to pledge to each other as far as the joint future you’ve decided to flesh out. Google wedding vows from the very basic traditional on out and if anything at all grabs your attention, you can change some words around to make it your own.

Coloma's avatar

From what you write I’d say your vows should go something like this.

” I,——- take you————- to be my security blanket and am willing to sacrifice passion for caretaking.” ” I am really not sure if I should marry you, but I figure a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, therefore I choose you to be my loyal Golden retriever and when you fail to live up to my expectations I will happily become a miserable martyr and blame you for my choice to marry in haste because I am too insecure to go it alone until I find a more passionate partner. ”

Jeruba's avatar

Whoa, @Coloma, points for candor. That’s a pretty brutal reading, but I have to agree that the question details do support your interpretation.

Coloma's avatar

@Jeruba Yes, well..I don’t intend to be mean, ever, but I am pretty astute at reading between the lines, being the wise old owl of relationship these days. haha

learning23's avatar

I am not so sure that if I love him as much as I can marry this guy, but I don’t want to hurt him and we are happy together. It just lacks sparks and excitement deep from my heart, if @Kayak8 you know what I mean. Thanks everyone for your sincere help. I will read really carefully and work it out. I just joined Fluther and you guys are very kind and I believe I will have a great great time here.

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