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apple10's avatar

What did he mean?

Asked by apple10 (27points) May 28th, 2008 from iPhone

this past weekend I hung our with one of my ex-boyfriends. I have not seen him in almost a year. We start small talk and he asks, “so who are you seeing. Now days?” I say no one and he says,“I can’t see you dating anyone” I was a little offended and asked why and he just said,“I’m not trying to be mean I’m just saying.” is he saying that I’m so terrible that no one would ever want to be with me or what? Please be honest.

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20 Answers

marinelife's avatar

Who knows what head games an ex would play? Don’t give it or him a thought except relief and delight that your are no longer together. Next time you see him don’t give him any ammunition to hurt you with either.

skfinkel's avatar

Sounds pretty mean, but it is hard to tell anything from the distance we have on the computer.

8lightminutesaway's avatar

to be honest, sounds like he wanted to see if you were available, and when he found out you were, got nervous and didn’t know what to say. I’ve been in a similar boat. don’t worry about it, i think he just didn’t know what else to say, cuz that is what I, unfortunately, would say if i was on the spot like that.

sndfreQ's avatar

I’m being honest when I say that, because none of us here know your past history with said ex and your relationship background/track record, none of us can truly make an informed guess as to what he meant. Just my honest opinion.

bmhit1991's avatar

I would probably say something like that. I agree with 8lightminutesaway. But also, I can’t really see any of my ex-girlfriends dating anyone else, and they have. We’ve remained friends, and we’re still close, and they’ve gone off to date others, and it still seems…strange. I’m okay with it and everything, it’s just…strange. But probably because I see dating as kind of like an observance of if the person would be right for you as a spouse, so when I date, I can’t help but think about that a little. And even after we’re done, I still had thought about it and can remember those thoughts, even if they are with someone else. If anything, don’t be offended, but flattered. He wanted to know if you were available! Cut him some slack! ; )

Bri_L's avatar

I agree with sndfreQ. It is really hard to say.

I would suggest that you not put to much stock in it though as bmhit1991 said. Whatever he implies doesn’t change you or who you are or the type of person you are if you don’t let it.

8lightminutesaway's avatar

I’m say way, bmhit1991

bmhit1991's avatar

oh course you are, 8lightminutesaway! I agreed with you! XD
Thanks for the great answer!!

ebenezer's avatar

awkward, spontanious, insecure flirting.

richmarshall's avatar

Just an ‘off the spur’ comment. I wouldn’t lose any sleep over it.

pattyb's avatar

if you broke it off with him, the comment was intended to make you feel lousy about yourself, kind of a mental counter-punch. If he broke up with you, then what richmarshall said above.

DeezerQueue's avatar

The only person who can clear this up, as others have already alluded to, is your ex-boyfriend. I wouldn’t be troubled by it, though, life is too short to spend too much timing over thinking things like this. Even though you are right now unable to get it out of your head because it’s there, I think you should try to busy yourself with other things, be aware of the good things about yourself that others might be attracted to, and work on improving the things in areas that need improvement.

It’s better to be looking forward than always glancing back, looking at every mistake we’ve made, including past relationships. Although things can always be learned from tragic endings, using them as tools will be the best thing that anyone can do with information like that.

If you can’t get an honest clarification from him, get busy putting it out of your mind and move forward.

bmhit1991's avatar

building on what DeezerQueue said, I have a quote: “If you’re holding onto the past, then your arms aren’t free to embrace today.” (I believe that’s from Rob Bell)

TheCouncil's avatar

I honestly dont think he meant anything bad. I agree with those above who have shared the sentiment that it can be hard to see someone you once dated with someone else. Its not something that can always be imagined. It doesn’t necessarily meant that he would like to open that door again but he may want to keep it unlocked. I would honestly take it as a compliment that you meant enough to him that he can’t and doesn’t want to imagine you with someone else. Of course I tend to believe the best in people no matter how bad they are.

breanne's avatar

He sounds completely socially inept. I have a friend like that, and it is embarrassing to be around him sometimes because he says crap like that. I don’t feel like it’s my responsibility to correct his bad behavior, but sometimes I have to call him on it to let him know he’s being potentially offensive. He probably was just testing the waters to see if you’re interested, but you’re better off staying away from him so you don’t have to start making excuses for his behavior.

8lightminutesaway's avatar

@breanne, with people like that, I just let them go. If someone is offended they should tell him. I wouldn’t stop someone for being potentially offensive if they’re not meaning to, because I like when people say whats on their mind. But I’m weird.

breanne's avatar

@8lightminutesaway: I don’t think it’s a matter of speaking one’s mind. With my friend, he just says things that come out sounding horrible but really weren’t meant to be. Luckily I know that so I do let it go, but for people who don’t know him, it’s uncomfortable. I for one, would not want to date someone like that because it’s something he’s obviously incapable of changing, since it’s the way he was raised. His parents didn’t teach him any tact. I would get tired of being embarrassed.

jrpowell's avatar

He is a dick and wants to fuck with you. And it worked. Tell him to fuck off and move on.

edit :: I doubt he wants to “actually” fuck you. He just wants to screw with your head.

Zaku's avatar

Not enough info. Can’t know what he meant. Probably he was just prematurely ejaculating thoughts. Maybe just literally meant he was noticing in the moment that when he tried to picture you with someone, nothing came to mind – he thinks of you as his ex. People are self-oriented. What he meant really really doesn’t matter. Why care? In fact… what might be interesting and useful could be to look at what your upset was like and what your caring is about.

punkrockworld's avatar

That was kind of a weird thing to say. That’swhat a lot of exes do,simply because they don’t wanna see you happy with someone else. That was very mean and immature and to be honest, its nothing to be worried about. He probably still likes you, but wants to break you down because you’re over him. He isn’t over you otherwise he wouldn’t be wasting his time annoying you with stupidity.

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