Social Question

mambo's avatar

How do I politely tell someone to leave my house?

Asked by mambo (2749points) July 7th, 2012

Recently, an old friend of mine told me she was coming to my area with her boyfriend and wanted to know if I would like to see her. I agreed, thinking we’d only be meeting up for lunch. However, when she arrived at my house, she popped her belongings out of the car and came into my home. I did not know she intended on staying the night, but I just went along with it because I am not one to speak up. It is the third day of her staying with me; she has eaten all of my food, groans about her boredom, tells me all of her relationship problems, sleeps in my bed, and has one of the most psychopathic personalities I have ever witnessed.

I need her to get out of my house pronto. How do I politely tell her to go away and never come to my house again?

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47 Answers

augustlan's avatar

Yikes. What a bad situation. Maybe try something like this: “Friend, I’ve really enjoyed having you here, but too much company really drains me. I need to get back on my regular schedule. Can I help you find a hotel?”

bookish1's avatar

Yikes. Sounds like the time is past for politeness…Did she come over because she broke up with her boyfriend or something??

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

I like @augustlan‘s approach. I’m not known for my tact and would probably end up saying something like, “Okay, I’m glad you’re my friend but you’re annoying the crap out of me. Please go to a hotel!” You probably don’t want to say something like that, though. :D

mambo's avatar

@augustlan Her boyfriend is staying at a hotel here and I’ve constantly suggested that she should go stay with him. However, she says “nah, I just wanna catch up with you” and blows me off.

@bookish1 They’re having troubles but they are not broken up. It would honestly be no problem if she went to stay there.

@WillWorkForChocolate She’s sound asleep in MY bed right now. Should I just drag her outside the house and leave her there? Hahaha.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@mambo I would probably be tempted to do just that, LOL! How strong are you? Can you do the over-the-shoulder-potato thing and just dump her on the curb? ;)

Seriously, I don’t know what I would do in your shoes. I had a similar situation once, but I begged my hubby to kick out the two “guests” before I went postal.

Fly's avatar

Sounds awful! Maybe you could fudge it a little bit? Tell her that while you have enjoyed visiting with her, you had not realized she would be staying this long and that you have other guests coming to stay with you (i.e. in-laws) and she simply can’t stay. Offer to help her pack her things (seemingly polite but really just speeds up the process), give the required “We’ll have to get together again soon!” speech, and then send her on her way.

mambo's avatar

@Fly What a wonderful idea. I’m just so bad at lying to people like that though!

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Well, you could always do the avoidance thing, and come stay with me… The house is clean, the sheets are freshly laundered, and I have lots of chocolate, red velvet cake, chesscake squares, badass leftover fajitas, sodas, and rum. I’m on my “screw eating healthy” kick right now.

Fly's avatar

@mambo If she’s as self-centered as she sounds, I’m sure she won’t even notice. If she protests, then you have no reason to remain polite! At that point, just tell her that she has overstayed her welcome and kick her the heck out.

Alternately, you could have your SO (if you have one) break the news to her, saying that you didn’t want to seem rude by asking her to leave.

mambo's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate Be there soon. Have chocolate?

@Fly Yeah, you’re right. Thanks for the ideas :)

creative1's avatar

She was rude by just dropping in to stay when you had no plans for this, I would be so nice about it I would tell it like I see it and tell her that you need her to leave. Your life needs to go back to normal and you can’t do that with her as a house guest.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

York patties, mini Reeses, bite-size Twix, peanut M&Ms, York patty ice creams, Reeses ice creams, Lindt dark chocolate truffles…... pick your poison heaven.

mambo's avatar

Oh, how delicious. Too bad I’m trying to lose weight. :(

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

So am I, I’m a horrible cheater…

Bellatrix's avatar

I think you have every right to tell her ‘it’s time to move on’. Just tell her you didn’t think she was planning to stay so long and she needs to go and stay with her bf now. Don’t ask her, tell her. I do realise it will be a horrible thing for you to have to do, but she is being pretty horrible by abusing your good nature and that’s what it seems she is doing.

Blackberry's avatar

Who do you think you are, Mr. Big stuff? Who do you think you are? Awwwyeah.

AshLeigh's avatar

Start asking her for money, to replace all the food she ate. She’ll get out.

bookish1's avatar

Hmm, I agree that a white lie might be the way to get her out. They’re easier than you think… Just give it a try…

But I’m having trouble understanding why you even need to be polite to her, if she really is abusing your goodwill like this… I think she forfeit the right to be treated with respect and decency the moment she showed up at your place unnannounced and decided she was going to use your house as a hotel.

@WillWorkForChocolate : Can I visit too? Please? O_O I’ll bring nutella…

AshLeigh's avatar

Yes, @WillWorkForChocolate, can I visit as well? I’ll bring the beer Turtle Bread. :D

ZEPHYRA's avatar

Hell! Is she still there???? Is she up yet? I feel like coming over to get rid of her for you. Do what the flutherites have suggested and don’t even think about it!

ccrow's avatar

@bookish1 you have nutella??>drool<:-)

chyna's avatar

She is there because she knows you well enough to know you won’t say anything, so she has complete run of your house for as long as she wants. This morning when she gets up you tell her to get her things ready, you are taking her to her boyfriends hotel, you have things to do and weren’t planning on her being there so long, so you are running behind on your chores and plans. Be firm. She is taking advantage of you and she knows it. You have no reason to be polite at this point.

bookish1's avatar

Seconding @chyna X 20.

@ccrow : Actually it is a generic grocery brand “breakfast paste” made of chocolate and hazelnuts. About ⅓ the price of nutella. This country is really bad for diabetics, haha.

hearkat's avatar

I agree that it was rude of her to assume and impose. I probably would have said something right in the beginning as she brought her things into the house, stating that we had only agreed to lunch and she should leave her things in the car. I have learned long ago to nip issues in the bud, or as soon as you recognize that an issue is developing. Saying nothing is like giving approval.

Had she seemed appreciative or even acknowledged that she is imposing on you, I could understand being more accommodating. But it seems that she has some sense of entitlement, the way she helps herself to your home and then complains about boredom. I’m impressed that you haven’t snapped because of that. Clearly, she needs a reality check.

I agree with @chyna‘s approach. Be honest, be direct, and be assertive. You are adults, and she needs to face the truth that she has overstayed her welcome and is ruining the friendship with her selfish behavior – you don’t necessarily need to say all that, but if she’s especially childish and resistant, it may be necessary. Good luck!

jca's avatar

I agree totally with what @Bellatrix and @bookish1 said. She forfeited rights to politeness as soon as she showed up unannounced, stayed for days ON YOUR BED. She is taking advantage of you, where she goes is not your problem and I would have her out ASAP. You’re being taken advantage of, in a way that most people would never tolerate. Who needs friends like this? I am having trouble understanding why this is even a dilemma for you.

marinelife's avatar

Forget polite. She is taking advantage of you. OK, you can try polite. But remember I warned you.

Tray, “It has been great to see you again, but I’m afraid that I wasn’t prepared for you to stay. So when are you planning to move on? I need my space back?”

If that does not work, move on to “You need to leave. Today.”

jca's avatar

Please post an update, if you would, telling how it went and what you did to get her out (assuming she has to get out eventually unless you decide to let her move in with you LOL).

Thank you.
The Update Lady

Sunny2's avatar

It’s time to stop worrying about being polite. She’ll do and say anything to stay and mooch off you and you’ll have to be strong to do it.She has already passed any rule of politeness. ” I think we have “caught up.” “You know what they say about fish and guests who overstay their welcome.” “I need to get back to my normal routine or I’ll go nuts.” Help her get her things together and out to her car.. Don’t let her take further advantage of you.

mambo's avatar

I straight up told her “your presence in my home has stressed me out deeply and I need peace. You have 20 minutes to get out of my house.” she packed and left 5 minutes ago.

Thank goodness, now I shall fall into the most peaceful, deep sleep of my life.

bookish1's avatar

Woot woot, way to go @mambo !

chyna's avatar

Congratulations @mambo!
I guess the next time you have someone ask this, you will just meet them somewhere for lunch or dinner, not at your home. :-)

Buttonstc's avatar

With “friends” like this, who needs enemies ?

Good for you for speaking up for yourself. I was going to suggest having the lock changed as a last resort :)

Consider this whole incident as a life lesson. Now you know what is meant by the phrase “unmitigated gall” since you’ve seen it in person.

Now that you know what that looks like, promise yourself to never put up with that again. Nip it in the bud the second you recognize it again.

Sunny2's avatar

@mambo Good for You! That took courage. I think you’ve also learned a valuable lesson.

Bellatrix's avatar

Well done @mambo. Glad this is resolved for you. Enjoy your peaceful day.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I am so glad I don’t agonize over this kind of thing! On the second day I would have said, “When did you ask if you could stay at my house? Have I missed something?” Put the ball in her court. If she said, “Well, I just assumed…” I’d say, “You assumed wrong. It was nice to see you but it’s time for you to go.”
I just don’t have a problem telling people straight up how it is.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@mambo Good for you! I ‘m curious as to how she took it,,,,

YARNLADY's avatar

Well done, @mambo . I was about to suggest you mistook a mooch for a friend.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Way to go, @mambo! Wait… does this mean you’re not coming over? <sulks in the corner>

@bookish1 @AshLeigh Both of you are more than welcome. And you don’t need to bring food; my pantry and fridge are overflowing with foodstuffs at the moment. We might need more rum though…

mambo's avatar

@Dutchess_III Oh, she yelled at me and called me a bitch. It doesn’t matter though, because I will never deal with this girl again. Just too much trouble!

jca's avatar

@mambo: She yelled at you when you told her it was time to leave? I would be totally done with her as a friend. H I S T O R Y !!!

mambo's avatar

@jca I’m definitely done with being her friend. Too much drama for my style!

Dutchess_III's avatar

Oh wow, @mambo! Wow! She must have been a HORRIBLE teenager and her folks kicked her out forEVER.

chyna's avatar

Probably explains why she wasn’t staying at the hotel with her “boyfriend”. She is too mean.

Skyline43's avatar

This was funny. I’m glad to know you’re at peace again. Hahaha!

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Dutchess_III's avatar

(Blast from the past!)

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