Social Question

psyonicpanda's avatar

What do you consider cheating to be when it comes to your SO?

Asked by psyonicpanda (1109points) August 10th, 2012

A friend of mine has a girlfriend that cheated on him with another female. He rationalizes this by saying that it wasn’t really cheating because, she had sex with another female. I told him being faithful is the same no matter what direction you swing in.
What are your opinions on cheating?
And is my friend’s situation an opportunity or a hindrance.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

23 Answers

Blackberry's avatar

Hacking on first person shooters or online MMOs. It ruins game integrity and makes it worse for everyone.

That and sex with another person. Anything that can give me a disease, lol.

zenvelo's avatar

Physical interaction of any sort ie the bright line for me. An emotional affair can be just as damaging but can be reversed if the person involved realizes it ti going down a wrong path.

psyonicpanda's avatar

interesting. after seeing the so many related topics I do not think Im going to get the outcome I wanted though.

wonderingwhy's avatar

Lack of prior consent.

What are your opinions on cheating?
I’m not a fan of cheating, trust is far too important. The rules are there, hopefully, by explicit design, desire, and agreement; breaking them exposes a serious unscrupulousness and just begs for trouble.

And is my friend’s situation an opportunity or a hindrance.
That’s up to him.

Aethelflaed's avatar

Any touching they wouldn’t want to do with their siblings, unless there’s prior exceptions.

On the one hand, I hate the assumption that monogamy for bisexuals is one partner of each sex, and not just one partner like everyone else; it’s biphobic and continues the idea that lesbian sex isn’t real sex. But individuals are free to make up their own relationship rules – if he’s ok with it, then it’s ok. I don’t really know how it’d be an opportunity for him, though, except maybe then he’s free to have sex with other dudes?

marinelife's avatar

To me, cheating is being with and thinking about and being emotionally involved with another person not just sex (although that is cheating too).

The sex of the person the girlfriend cheated with doesn’t matter.

psyonicpanda's avatar

@wonderingwhy you my fellow jelly get a gold star today for using __unscrupulousness__ bravo.

ucme's avatar

Fucking another female…..& stealing all the hotels on a monopoly board.

psyonicpanda's avatar

but what if they have all the railroads….then its legit @ucme

ucme's avatar

@psyonicpanda No, this is before the bloody game begins, she needs watching that one.

Sunny2's avatar

I’d say your friend is heading for an eventual break up.
For me, cheating is hiding a jar of peanut butter way back in the cabinet.
I didn’t buy it!

thesparrow's avatar

Definitely physical.

Emotional is bad too but it can be reversed if both parners work at it.

Shippy's avatar

It is cheating, whether it is a male or female. To share ones body with another, is cheating. Unless discussed prior to the event and So agrees.

wundayatta's avatar

It all depends on what your agreement is in the first place. Of course, the standard marital agreement means no physical or emotional love affair with anyone other than your spouse. It is, in my opinion, a useless standard, since quite possibly the majority, and perhaps the vast majority of people can’t keep to it (stats about lack of fidelity run from 15% to 85% of all couples, so it’s hard to know what to believe).

gailcalled's avatar

MIlo here; If Gail starts to feed, water and clean up after another cat..I send the ring back and move to her daughter’s home in British Columbia.

I will send the bill for the pilot, the Lear Jet’s fuel and the court costs to her, of course. To the victor…

Coloma's avatar

Yep, anything kept a secret, any emotional or physical interaction that one cannot freely share with their partner, the use of porn, strip clubs or other ” extra curricular” activities of a sexual nature that one is not open about with their SO.
There are a million ways to rationalize ones duplicitous behaviors but the truth is always known.
The more one attempts to rationalize the more guilty they are.

Secrets destroy intimacy.

athenasgriffin's avatar

If it doesn’t bother him, then it isn’t cheating. She probably knew beforehand that it wouldn’t bother him. He may have said something to that idea in the past, I have certainly had guys say they wouldn’t mind if it was with another girl.

And I’d be way more upset if my guy had a secret emotional thing with some other girl than if he was having sex with one. But it would be reversed if people knew about it. Cheating is disrespectful, and if a boyfriend cheated and even one of my friends knew about it I would break up with the boyfriend immediately. Which is why I would never have an open relationship. I’m not sure what I’d think if a boyfriend cheated on me with a guy. I don’t think I’d feel threatened, which is the real reason I think people shouldn’t cheat. But I don’t think I’d believe they were straight ever again. I’d feel hurt that they didn’t tell me they liked guys.

Anything at or above cuddling is cheating to me. But I don’t consider porn or strip clubs or flirting to be cheating, but again, it would be disrespectful to do in front of me unless it is something we’ve talked about.

SavoirFaire's avatar

Mature people in romantic relationships discuss the degree to which they expect one another to be monogamous or non-monogamous and what counts as acceptable interaction with other people. Everything that falls outside of that to which they have mutually agreed is cheating.

Unfortunately, the vast majority of people have relationships in which a great deal is built on assumptions and preferences that may or may not be shared.

Coloma's avatar

@SavoirFaire Well said, I agree. Assumptions and projections are always big trouble in relationships. You have to ask the direct questions and lay all your cards on the table.

mrrich724's avatar

cheating is when you would do anything that you wouldn’t want your SO to do! Would she appreciate it if he cheated with another guy?! Regardless of male or female, she probably wouldn’t appreciate it either way.

Sometimes, in a heterosexual relationship, a person might not count same-gender sex cheating because they view their partner as a heterosexual, thus does not consider the other person a threat.

augustlan's avatar

Anything from a kiss on up to full fledged sex with another person (of any gender), without my prior permission.

psyonicpanda's avatar

I have come to agree that cheating is simply put anything that hasnt been discussed in the relationship as not cheating and I fully agree. It should be assumed that in a relationship anything that you do physically let it be kissing, or full on sex is cheating.
BUT to what degree is of cheating is most punishable? would you break up with your SO over cuddling, kissing the same way you would if it was sex?

downtide's avatar

Having any sort of relationship with another peron, whether physical or not, that you feel you have to keep secret from your SO. It’s the secrecy that’s cheating, not what you do or don’t do in the other relationship.

Answer this question




to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther