General Question

BBSDTfamily's avatar

What is your definition of cheating?

Asked by BBSDTfamily (6824points) April 26th, 2009

Of course couples need to determine these boundaries between themselves, but what is your personal boundary? Some people are more relaxed about this topic and some are quite extreme.

Our definition in our marriage is doing anything that would cause someone to think you are interested in them… so it starts with flirting and escalates from there. We’re extreme in that sense and have a no-tolerance policy! But hey, we both agree 100% so it works for us :)

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31 Answers

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

The key components are the intent to become intimate with someone other than the person to whom you’re committed, coupled with deceit.

What constitutes intimacy may vary from couple to couple.

_bob's avatar

I don’t have one, but I know it when I see it.

BBSDTfamily's avatar

I guess the four of us are the only ones awake at fluther… we are all following around from question to question :)

Aethelwine's avatar

Wanting someone other than your SO and taking the opportunity to spend time with or interact with this person instead of your partner.

_bob's avatar

@BBSDTfamily What does BBSDT stand for?

youresocool's avatar

I think @The_Compassionate_Heretic is right. For me, it’s about the intention to be intimate with another. This does not apply to fantasies, etc., as far as I’m concerned.

Aethelwine's avatar

@BBSDTfamily I think you’re right. It will just be the three of you now. Nite all! :)

katieweimer's avatar

Anything you would be uncomfortable doing if your significant other WAS around.

DesireeCassandra's avatar

Kissing, sex, maybe snuggles, depends on the person. Sometimes there is also what I call emotional cheating, having strong feeling for someone else and not wanting to be with your partner anymore and not telling them.

iquanyin's avatar

difference between cheating and simply being a megajerk: deception. yeah?

ratboy's avatar

Geting caught.

Staalesen's avatar

for me it is nly if i keep secrets from my SO

asmonet's avatar

@bob_: That’s more of private comment question. :)

qashqai's avatar

I don’t have any.

Trust is vital for me.

If I trust you, I won’t think you talking or being ‘intimate’ with another guy as flirting.
If I don’t trust you, well you won’t be my girlfriend any longer, so that’s really no problem.

Deathcabforhottie's avatar

I’d say it’s a intentional determined “sexual” act… I am not married but I am “flirt” a lot. Not nessecarly I want to have sex with you just I am a people person. That’s not cheating to us. Also I think that cheating is rather straight forward kissing, snuggling, and up is cheating… As for non-physical cheating I guess making plansspendung inordinate amounts of time with the non SO

Judi's avatar

In our marriage it is being better friends with someone of the oposite sex than your spouse is.

casheroo's avatar

Well, my husband thinks pretty much any man I talk to wants to get into my pants. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t trust me, he is just distrustful of men.
In our relationship, it’d be forming a friendship with someone of the opposite sex that is more emotional than that of the one between us. Sort of like @Judi and sort of like @jonsblond
My husband and I have issues with @jonsblond because my wanting to go out and hang out with friends is usually seen to my husband as me not wanting to be with him, and vice versa. We’re working on a happy medium.

Aethelwine's avatar

@casheroo I wasn’t talking about friendships. I meant want as in desire. Wanting to spend time with someone else because you are attracted to them and you would rather spend time with that person instead of your partner. I hope I’m making sense. I didn’t get much sleep. :)

casheroo's avatar

@jonsblond oh, I understood that part..I was drifting off of that. It’s very early here, and rereading my first answer, it doesn’t really make sense. lol.

Aethelwine's avatar

@casheroo Let’s go get a cup of coffee. My treat!

casheroo's avatar

@jonsblond i wish! i’m at work, debating whether or not i should lock up and get some starbucks. i fear losing my job too much haha

bright_eyes00's avatar

Any interraction with someone other than the person you are with that could be considered intimate in some shape or form. If you kiss if you fall in love if you have sexual relations…all of the above falls under cheating in my book. been cheated on by almost every guy i’ve dated. i know what does that say about me and the guys i choose… fact remains you shouldnt even be tempted if you are dedicated to the one you are with.

jessicar's avatar

I think as long as theres nothing physical going on than its ok. You can flirt and look all you want as long as u dont touch.

wundayatta's avatar

For me, cheating is when you let communication in the relationship break down to the point where one or the other party wonders where the connection went. At this point, you are more loyal to something outside the couple (it could be yourself—in an isolated way) than you are to each other. No physical transgressions are necessary. Emotional transgressions are much more serious, as far as I’m concerned. It is only emotional transgressions that can open the door for physical ones.

Some people never really get connected before they get married. They might get married for other reasons besides love. Sometimes love and connection can develop after marriage. But if it doesn’t, then I think that both parties are cheating on each other from the moment the marriage started. It’s not really a marriage. It’s just some form of a business relationship.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

When both parties are coupled to other people, what The_Compassionate_Heretic said.
When only one party is coupled, that’s the cheater… not to say it’s still not a sordid endeavor when the single person knows the other is coupled.

Judi's avatar

@qualitycontrol ; Sometimes it feels that way! My hubby gets upset when he thinks I am to fluther obsessed. He is afraid I’m going to run off with a Jellyfish.

augustlan's avatar

@Judi Run away with me!

Jude's avatar

Anything sexual and/or emotional (romantically speaking) that you share with someone else who is not your partner (unless you and your partner have an open relationship).

justus2's avatar

anything you do that you know your partner doesn’t want you to do, or having feelings for someone else and not telling your partner what you want, pretty much as long as you are completely honest with your partner and tell them the truth and waht you want it isnt cheating as long as you are honest up front.

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