How can you stop the train?

I am afraid I don’t understand. I am however very very intreaged.

huuuh??

I think you need to more clearly articulate your question.

Your description had me thinking politics. Then your tags had me going “WTF.”

Would you mind clarifying the question?

And please call 1–800-273-TALK (8255)

Find Sadam Hussein.

lol to johnpowell ‘s response..

i could be way off but maybe she knows someone who has committed suicide and is afraid of it having a domino effect on other loved ones?

In short, you likely don’t have the power to stop a chain of events. Perhaps if you told us a little bit more about what’s happening, we could give more meaningful answers.

since we can’t figure out the question. I’m gonna tell you how to stop a real train…banana peel

I wish it was so simple as just politics…

No it is my daughter, she is in her mid 20’s. She has a lot of problems, it would take volumes to explain, but to be short, she suffers from emotion / mental illness, and has for a long time.

She, as many do, do not take their medication. I understand that. And as many do, she finds someone seeming worse than herself, with the hopes of helping them. I understand that as well.

The problem is that she has found someone that is very nice, however has a very real and debilitating brain tumor / growth thing going on, he has seizure’s. My daughter, moved him in with her, and makes his life hell. I understand some of the reason why he stays, they are out in the boonies and he is unable to drive, and he has NO family. If I could I would bring him home with me, but I can not. Also I can not afford a third house.

He wants to do things like take medications regularly, have health insurance, get this medical condition taken care of, keep a job, eat on a regular basis. His keeper, my daughter is only happy (well as happy as she can get) when is making something or someone else suffer. Currently it is this young man, and the dog. I have been paying for years for her to stop with me, her sibling and her children.

She will not take medications and I know that I take care of minimal expenses out of guilt. I have spent a lot of money for this insight.

My daughter has never been abused, or neglected in anyway. She came this way. I am told there is no way to fix her. And I have to separate from her. Guilt prevents this for me. I am sure I have done something wrong. I have really done everything except breath for her.

Her current boyfriend is not strong, and thinks he loves her, she only wants him so she is not alone. When I took him to the hospital Sunday night I had to threaten her (so she believed me) that she could not just leave him there and burn his things.

I “see” the future things that will happen. I want to stop them, but I can not. The guilt is so large I can not even be able to put it in words.

Yes she has children, it is very hard to keep her influences away from them.

I have tried to condense everything for time.

so to rephrase (just to make sure i am getting this right), you are worried about the future of her boyfriend and kids because of her illness?

Yes.

Currently the kids are with the other grandparents, until we can get my health back under control. Not the best of situation, but anything is better than them being with just her or their father. This is just not my idea, the Courts fell the same why

So I guess my real question, after writing all that stuff above, is

How do I get over my feelings of guilt, to detach myself from what I see. Focus on what I need to, and just hope for the best for her, and him as well.

Yes, we have tried the separation plan with one of my doctors. I just can not seem to get my daughter to keep to her word.

there might not be ways to permanently “fix” the illness, but therapy/counseling sessions can often help. I know a counselor who was dealing with a woman with an extremely trouble and abusive past which made her abusive to her children, the court took the children away temporarily, and he was able to work with the woman until she realized that the only thing that matters to her is her kids, and that she needs to get over her problems because she wants to see her children and take care of them. my point is…is she taking some sort of counseling?

Don’t think that I have been overly babied to her, I have had her committed (they keep her for 13 months the one time), taken her children, had her arrested a few months ago when she help redecorated my living room with great impressions of my head.

We have taken in family therapy at John Hopkins, University of Maryland, Sheppard Pratt to name just a few, for about 15 years, 3 times a week and individual therapy for just her for 20 years. Not all the same doctors.
Studies have been done on her and several papers.

Yes this is a bad situation, albeit not that uncommon for bipolar people. My wife’s cousin also has this affliction, compunded with off-and-on drug abuse (Meth); it is both saddening and maddening to see her maipulate her family and those close to her, which she does out of spite and due to her illness…it makes life with her in the picture near unbearable, but she has a young daughter in the picture that everyone in the family is concerned about.

The best you can do is be vigilant, get her into therapy, seek public assistanceto monitor the situation with the kids. Social workers, while not always welcome at first, may help in providing some objectivity and a person to be sounding board for your concerns. Sometimes an intermediary that has a certain amount of control over the social arrangement can have an effect that a family member can’t.

If you haven’t yet dealt with this situation on a personal level for yourself, may I suggest seeking counseling for your feelings of guilt, or at least join a support group to raise your own self-awareness and hear other’s experiences and possible pointers. Good luck-I can identify with your issue-wish you the best.

I am just at my end, I was hoping that strangers might come up with something that has eluded everyone else…

As for you, I recommend the same thing. You have gone through some pretty rough emotional trauma. We can all offer some advice, but nothing will compare to a counselor who has spent years studying and dealing with similar situations. Sometimes it just helps to understand the real meaning behind your emotions and thus solve them. I don’t think you are guilty of anything. You have been a good, caring mother who have gone above and beyond to take care of her daughter and those around her. You are a good person, and for the sake of your other children (or child) and your own mental/emotional happiness, you need to slowly realize you have done all that you can. Emotional healing takes time and is a lengthy process. Keep at it and do not be embarrassed to step up for yourself. As for the boyfriend, if he isn’t happy with her, he will learn to refuse her. If not, then there isn’t a problem. Sometimes you just need to step aside and let nature take its course. But I would like to reiterate that you should speak to a professional therapist since most people (including me) are nowhere near qualified for something this serious and sensitive.

I have to say that I seek counseling for me. My doctor is great, he is very well respected in his circles and supposed to be quite the authority, why I chose him.

I know he is right in the things he tell me, I just don’t want to believe what he tells me.

It goes against everything that I have spent a lifetime convincing myself of, with regards to my daughter.

I know what I would say if I were talking to someone else, I know what I would think if I were speaking of someone else, I just can not seem to apply it to me.

As mentioned previously, seeking a support group and a sponsor or other peer who may be struggling with similar issues may open the door to some alternative self-exploration and healing. Maybe another way to research this may be to heal by way of spiritual alignment. My wife read a great book by a Buddhist teacher by the name of Thich Nhat Than called “Being Peace.” She believes it has helped her gain clarity and purpose in allowing her to explore her sense of being and function…may be worth researching.

thanks

I agree, unless there is someone on Fluther, maybe they could even send you a private comment because of the sensitive nature, who has experience in this matter or is a professional can offer useful or insightful information, although every now and then it happens.

You seem to be cognizant of a lot of your own issues, believing what a professional tells you to be the right thing to do, but not being able to follow it. Giving advice from a distance is also very easy for the rest of us, unless we’ve been through something like this personally, and sometimes we can give advice to others and not put into practice our own advice.

I can’t even imagine what it’s like to be in your shoes, to watch a loved one suffer so horribly through their life and be powerless to do anything tangible to change it for them, to take it all away and make it better. But you can’t, and you know this. You can only deal with it in the way that the professionals are suggesting you deal with it, and believe that you’re doing it with the right motivation, not to abandon your daughter but to distance yourself enough so that you can begin to take care of yourself in a very real and practical way. I believe that by using some of the tools you’re being given will help you, but you have to be disciplined in the way that your daughter is not disciplined, like refusing to be compliant with her meds. Begin by being compliant yourself with the advice you’re receiving.

You may not be able to stop the train wreck in its entirety, but you can stop the train wreck in your own life to a greater extent.

Get yourself to a 12-Step meeting; Al-Anon, Families Anonymous, Emotions Anonymous. There is nothing you can do- you are powerless. However, you can learn to detach with love from your daughter, & you, and maybe she, can get some relief from this misery. I know. I have a daughter very similar to yours (yes, she just came that way!) I can well remember being where you are. What I learned in these 12-Step programs has given me a freedom & serenity that I never dreamed of. The problems are still there, that’s life. I could tell you horror stories that you wouldn’t believe. But I’ve learned to somehow still enjoy life & be grateful for so many things. You can too.

When comparing this question to its details to its listed topics, it is apparent that the train of logic jumped its tracks and derailed at some point down the line.