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Days4Rayne's avatar

How to get over this semi-dramatic relationship event?

Asked by Days4Rayne (25points) November 5th, 2012

(sorry if this is long :<) So here’s the story. I have a boyfriend, who I have been dating for almost 2 years. I attend a 4×4 schedule high school so when it came time for our schedules to change freshmen year I had a hard time seeing him. During that time he cheated on me (Not very surprising huh?) with my ex best friend who tried her very best to ruin my school life as much as possible due to us never talking after I started going out with my boyfriend (who was both our best friend, she liked him so I understand why she would want revenge)

So for about more than 4–5 months he cheated on me with her. I found out around March or April 2012. They did things that have scarred me mentally to this day. Not only that I was harassed by most of the people I know at school because apparently she decided to tell everyone and my boyfriend that I was flirting with other guys thus making everyone believe that she deserved my boyfriend not me. So people treated me like this person who deserves to be harassed. I was shoved, people tried to tackle me, I was given death glares, I was out casted.

I’m very scarred from my freshmen year. I could get into more detail but I don’t want to waste your time. So It’s been about 4–5 months since I found out and I’m having a hard time coping and forgetting (specially since I see my harassers every day at school)

I’m still with my boyfriend. I have broken up with him many times but it’s hard to break your best friend’s heart. So I’d rather be with him so he’ll be happy even if that mean’s I’m not. (contradicting huh? I’m sorry) But I’m just asking how can I get over this semi-dramatic event (I say semi because I guess it’s not dramatic and such and I probably sound like any typical teenage girl.)

I have no friends to this day who are close enough to talk to. I can’t submerge myself into a activity because I get side tracked easily by my thoughts. I no longer believe in relationships and love so yeah I don’t need love advice. I just need to know how to get over this, how can I forget about it and move on, how can I stop crying about this stupid thing and be able to not have a mental break down whenever I’m alone or feel abandoned? Thanks for reading :’) I probably sound like a bitch :/ But it’s okay I can take a lot of criticism :)

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7 Answers

snowberry's avatar

I’d start by telling the school authorities and counselor that you are being bullied. Document every single event (keep a written diary). Show it to your counselor when you have a few days or a week or two of events. It might be a good idea to keep this diary out of sight of your school “friends”.

Surely your boyfriend knows about the harassment. If so, he doesn’t sound like much of a friend either because he could be speaking up for you.

marinelife's avatar

1. This is not a semi-dramatic event. It is a series of very traumatic events. Of course you were hurt. Stop minimizing the wounding things that these people did to you.

2. Dump your boyfriend. He cheated on you. That is reason enough. Do not worry about his feelings. He did not worry about yours when he was seeing your ex-best friend on the side.

3. Also, you need to dump him so you can make the changes that you say you want to make. Of course you can’t stop thinking about the situation when he is in your face every day.

4. Once you have dumped him, look around for some new friends, Friends. Not boyfriends. Not for right now. To make friends, you need to notice other people. You need to start conversations by asking them questions.

5. A club or activity would be a good idea. Forget about concentrating. Use it as a place to meet new people who have similar interests to you.

JLeslie's avatar

Do not stay with your boyfriend because you are worried about his feelings. You will appear stronger if you don’t put up with being abused and bullied by not letting people treat you badly. He treated you badly. Bullies and people who show you disrespect, who get a feeling of power over someone else, like to see the person they are taunting as weak. If you actually want to stay with him and forgive him then it will take time and him doing everything right for a long time. I’ll assume he regrets what he did, if not and he just thinks you should get over it, or if you think he still lies to you and you get an uneasy feeling, dump him. But, f he treats you well now and you have zero suspicion of him doing something like this again, then you might be able to work it out.

I think you should see a counselor to be able to talk to someone. I don’t think you have psychological problems per se, but I do think it will help you sort out what to do and help your self esteem and confidence. The cou selor will also provide a place for you to vent what is going on which is important for most people, it seems especially import for women generally, but it is not completely a gender thing.

If you are still being bullied and harrassed tell your parents or a school official if you haven’t already.

What you have been through sucks. Many people go through similar things whether it be the bullying or the boyfriend doing something so mean. I recommend you put bully or bullying into the search at the top right of the fluther page if you have not already. Quite a few jellies in our collective endured bullying in school, you might be interested in what they have to say.

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BosM's avatar

If your BF was really a “best friend” he wouldn’t have cheated on you, or allowed others to bully you. You’re young, you will recover from this, and you deserve better. Dump the bf, get involved in school clubs, sports, or find some other way you can invest your social time in more worthwhile, productive ways.

Talk to your parents or a trusted grown up, and your HS counselor about the bullying, you need to let others know that is happening so that it doesn’t escalate any further (physically tackling you means it’s already gotten physical). Please don’t accept bullying, or make an excuse that you can take it. Kids at your age can be mean, and when they gang up on someone it can be dangerous. Good luck. Peace, BosM

Mariah's avatar

Why do you value this asshole’s feelings more than your own? He cheated, he is not a good guy and you should not make any sacrifices for him. Have some self respect.

KNOWITALL's avatar

Honey, we all had traumatic high school love events, try not to take it as seriously as you are. High school will end, other boys will take your heart, other girls will be beeyotches, it’s all part of growing up.

Keep telling yourself 5 years from now this will not matter. And look in the mirror every morning while getting ready telling yourself “I am pretty. I am smart. I am worthy of happiness.”

It feels like forever right now, but it’s so not. And if he’s cheating and the g/f is a jerk, ignore both of them and move on. Focus on your grades, they are wayyyyyy more important than love affairs. Just remember that the guy of your dreams doesn’t have a change if you’re still with the guy who broke your heart.

So really, you have to decide what’s important to you based on your head and not your heart. Remember Kristen Stewart in Twilight when Edward left, she was all miserable and alone, then she forced herself to get out and talk and her and Jake started talking and she was kind of happy again?! So do something like that, force yourself to get into different people and different things. Good luck.

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